Blog

It was our TV station's "All-Nighter" this weekend. It's an event we put on every semester. This time I actually got to stay the whole time. It was fun, though somewhat draining. Last night I slept on the studio floor. The first hour was restless. I also woke up at one point and my whole left leg was asleep. Eventually I gave up and moved to a makeshift couch that was open. After that I got about 4 hours of good sleep.

The worst part was the 3:45 am fire alarm in the building. The studio is in the basement of one of the dorms. On the third or fourth floor, someone decided to have fun with a fire extinguisher. That set the alarms off. So there were about ten station employees standing outside in a huddle waiting for the all clear. It was cold, but kinda fun I guess.

I got to be on air tonight. It was impromtu since the two that were supposed to be on decided to spend time dancing instead. So it was me and one other girl thrown in there. No time to prepare even. It was pretty craptastic, but we got through it. I need on air credit anyway. I never go on air, so I need the experience.

The important news is much more intersting though. I got to meet my new therapist on Thursday since my old one left. He happens to be a female-to-male. I didn't know at first until he told me. Impressive definitely. I never would have known. He and I have been going back and forth with phone messages discussing my SRS approval. He has assured me that my case will be presented to the committee the first week of May. May 6th is the next committee session, otherwise it'd happen sooner. I'm so excited.

The thing I'm not excited about is the genital hair removal I start on Thursday. I just hope the pain med prescription finds it's way to my apartment this time. They apparently sent it last time, and I never got it. I don't think I could handle that laser down there without some sort of pain management. I already have someone to drive me back home. So we're all set there.

On the same topic, I think I just started hair removal hell a week ago. Every week now I go in for some sort of hair removal. Electrolysis has been weekly. Laser has also been frequent. Two weeks ago was my chest, this coming week is the "fun area", and I'm thinking the week after that is my lower back. Lots of money going out, that's for sure. It'll be worth it in the long run. I can't wait to not have to worry about shaving all that much anymore. By this time next year, I hope to be just shaving my legs and armpits. I'm crossing my fingers on that.

Well, I really need to get some sleep. I'm exhausted from the past two days...no...the past week. I'll write again soon. G'night.

Luv,

Jess

The presentation went really well. There was a turnout of about 75 people. I was surprised to see that many. The best part of it was that there were people from Human Sexuality classes taking notes. Apparently coming to my presentation was an extra credit assignment for them. That means I reached a group of people that normally wouldn't have come. That's so important.

It was a very smooth presentation in my mind. I was happy with it. I'd say my favorite part of the weekend was making new friends though. There were so many cool people at that school. I miss them now. Lindsay was the girl that invited me down there to speak in the first place. She's really cute too. I avoided saying anything though. That would have made things awkward, and I didn't want that. On top of that, I wasn't there to meet someone. I was there to speak, so I figured I should be responsible. I did tell her when I got back home though. She blushed. That made me smile.

I do have to say that Illinois is not the most exciting state to drive through. It's too flat for my tastes. I like hills and trees, or at least something to look at. It was a long drive on slightly not enough sleep. I needed something to keep me awake. I ended up listening to NPR, when I could find a station, to keep me awake. For me, it's better than music. Music tends to lull me to sleep no matter what kind it is...that's if I am tired already. It's just that it has a beat. NPR was something that kept my mental juices flowing. So it helped. Janet Reno does not have a pleasant voice though.

I ended up missing most of my classes, but at least they were excused. I got congratulations from my professors when I told them about the event. How cool is that? Today I have to make up my Kanjii quiz for japanese. It never ends. I better get to studying. I'm prepared, but I want to be more prepared. I'll see ya later.

Luv,

Jess

I'm sitting here in the computer lab of Allen Hall at the University of Illinois Champaign Urbana, and I am just in awe of the coolness of the treatment I'm getting here. I feel so....so.....special I guess. I'm a "Guest in Residence" here, which means I get this really nice apartment in the dorm for free. They've given me food tickets so I can eat for free as well. Parking is free, and the drive is free. It's just too cool. I feel like I'm famous or something.

The apartment is big and comfy. I get a double bed, which I'm not used to at all. I don't normally roll around in my sleep, but just for fun, I did anyway. There's even some food in the kitchenette that they put in there for me to eat while I'm here if I want. I have a nice TV with cable. If I were staying here longer, I could even use the answering machine. Like I said...very cool.

The campus itself I haven't gotten to see much. I've been doing homework all morning. So it's been pretty productive at least. I normally would be pissing my time away on the computer like I am now. My friend Lindsay should not have given me her login. Thanks Lindsay. :) This is a good thing though. There are some things online that I needed to do anyway. Like write this entry, for example. I could even write my paper that's due on Tuesday...and that's not a bad idea. I probably will.

I got to see the room I'll be presenting in tonight. It's pretty nice. It should fit a lot of people. Hopefully a lot will come. I would like to reach a larger audience if I could. I'm not really all that nervous. I think I'm so used to giving this workshop that it's just routine now. I should spice it up so I can get nervous again. I'll have to think about that for future presentations.

Well, I better get back to it. I shouldn't waste my whole day. I need an oil change too. I'll have to find a place that does those around here. I'll see ya later.

Luv,

Jess

I must be sadistic or something. This week was just painful. Tuesday night was electrolysis for an hour. Thursday morning was an estrogen injection, and also, I had a laser appointment too. So yeah, it's been a pretty painful week. On top of that, I had a project due, a paper in japanese, and two exams. Finally, today, I have off.

There was a bonus to the whole thing. I got an extra half hour of electrolysis for free since the owner if the place is so nice. She knows I'm poor and likes to help out. I really appreciated that. Also, the laser clinic now gives 15% student discounts. So I got my chest done for pretty cheap. "Pretty cheap" being relative. They also gave me the price on the genital work that needs to be done. Yeah...not cheap.

For once though, I got a good laser person. The last one I had was trigger happy and didn't seem to care that the person was in major pain. I was arching my back when she did it then. This time, I got someone more experienced. She was wonderful. If one area was really sensitive, she would leave the chill tip on that spot until it was ok. She also went slow and took breaks. It made me a lot more comfortable.

The other good news, which some would take to be bad, is I got to see my endocrinologist yesterday too. We discussed the regimen I'm on and she took measurements. The injectible format has not helped me at all. So, I'm no longer on it. I was totally in agreement with that. I didn't think it was worth it. Too much money, no benefits, and all it did was make my mood go all over the place. So, in two weeks I go back on the patches. We're even cutting out the progesterone. There's really no need since it's not really helping either.

She called it a "holding pattern" until I get my surgery. I think it's great. It's a lot less money for me, and will be much easier on my emotional state. So, pretty much, we've given up on me having natural breasts. I have to get implants if I want to be any bigger than a training bra. So, that's the plan. Kinda sucks, but I've accepted it.

The one exciting thing happening this weekend is that I'm going to Illinois. I was invited by the University of Illinois - Urbana-Champaign to speak. I'm really excited. Their covering my milage, my housing for the time I'm there, and food. So I'm all set. It's a good thing too, since it's a long drive. This is the first time I am getting some sort of compensation for my speaking. Next time I'll charge. They told me that a lot of people are excited to hear my speak too. This should be great. I'll write about it later.

It's time for me to take my break. All we've been doing this morning at the computer helpdesk is watch movie trailers. Since it's "April Recess" also known as Easter break, no one is calling in with questions. Since I am working five hours, I have to take a break. So I'm going to go do that now. See ya.

Luv,

Jess

I think I'm getting fatigued. This whole "two jobs, full time student, two organizations" thing is just kicking my ass. I'm up late every night. I'm not keeping up with my homework. And with SRS coming up and all the hair removal I have to do, not to mention the cost of SRS itself, I'm overwhelmed. In class, I find myself preoccupied and off in a cloud somewhere. Or, I'll be falling asleep.

I think this is all just too much for me right now. I need this semester to end fast. This is why I should stay single. I couldn't handle it if I did. Then again...maybe she'd help me get through it. Or I'd be that much more distracted. I think I'm better off for now, but either way...I need to find a way to get some down time. Spring break was nice enough I guess...but I think I needed a real escape, and I didn't really get it.

I'm actually skipping band right now. I've just decided that I can't handle all this. I made my dinner last night at midnight. That's not healthy, but it was the first time I had to eat. I haven't even been able to do anything I want to do. I'm too busy doing what I have to. Even this diary has suffered. I mean really, the only way to write an entry was to skip class. It's only band though. No biggie. I'll still get an A.

Well, this is my down time. I think I'm going to go eat a decent meal and maybe get some studying done. See ya later.

Luv,

Jess