Posted on August 5th 2003, 6:16 am
So this past week....I don't even know if interesting is the word. Let's see if I can compile a list here. I met up with a former friend from high school, got my fifth laser treatment, worked a bit, met with yet another friend from high school and his dickhead friend, went to the mall, an anime store, another mall, slept at a friends place for two nights, watched all of Trigun, ate junk food all day, played Soul Caliber and DDR Max, hung out with yet more friends from high school, cleared a bunch of crap off my computer, did my laundry, and still managed to sleep late.
It was a very full week. Lots of driving too. I drove over 1500 miles in one week. The laser treatment went well. The drugs hit me very hard this time though. Harder than they have before. This time, my memory is a haze of what happened. That's unusual, but they did give me a different drug this time. So that may explain it. I think this may be the last of the major treatments. Most of the hair should be gone now. If my logic is correct, I should be right. We'll see. Personally, I'm sick of spending the money. It's already been about $2,000.
Meeting my friends was interesting. One of them used to have a crush on me. She was happy to see me and we hung out and talked a lot. Turns out she is still attracted to me. Things seem pretty complicated in her life right now though. She has a pending divorce and a child. The fact that she's still attracted to me gives me hope that I may eventually date again though, whoever that person may be. Not right now, though. I'm in no mind to date.
My other friend was closer to me in my earlier years. He was in the military and recently ended his four years. He's now pursuing school. He came home to visit, and brought a friend with. His friend was a major asshole....pardon my language. It really is the perfect word though. It was good to see my friend, but it would have been a lot better without that jerk he brought with him.
The weekend was fun and exciting. I had Friday through Monday off. Some geeky friends of mine all hung out together. We went shopping all over, including an anime store. It was really cool. On Saturday we held a Trigun marathon and watched Vash the Stampede kick ass. Sunday we played some video games and went to a different mall. All in all it was a fun, nerdy weekend. :) I almost bought a Gamecube. I had to tell one of my friends to not let me spend the money. I can't really afford it.
Monday wasn't anything exciting though. I slept late and spent the rest of my day cleaning up my hard drives, doing laundry, and reading. Pretty dull. This ends the long week. Only three weeks until school starts and I'm really happy about that. Hopefully I'll get my Lease in the mail before then. I'm a bit worried about that. I'm going to have to call my landlord soon and ask her if she just doesn't want me there. I don't think that's the case, but it's possible. We'll see I guess. I'll be sure to write about whatever happens there.
Well...time for bed. G'night all.
P.S. I'm going to start keeping track of how often I have flying dreams. So starting last night...it's once.
Posted on July 27th 2003, 5:58 am
I've been trying to think of a good thing to put on my license plate for a while now. I want something really personal, and I came up with some ideas. Since I'm a big super hero fan, and I'm now becoming more and more into Wonder Woman, I tried that idea. Here's what I came up with:
I've thought about other things too, like SEXYTS, or TG4EVER...but it just doesn't have that feeling to it for me. Maybe SPR GRRL, SUPR GRL, PRNCESS, SABR GRL....if you have any suggestions, comment on this entry and write them there. The bad thing is that I already checked on the 1st two in the list above and they're taken already. Oh well.
I guess finding out that the hormone level I was at before didn't do much of anything to me has been a bit upsetting the past two days. I really hope the levels that I'm at now do something. I'm also hoping that after this Tuesday's laser treatment, I wont need to shave everyday anymore. With some luck, I wont even need Dermablend anymore. That'll be nice. Less prep time in the morning.
Well, I have to work again in the morning. So I'm going to bed. G'night all.
Current Measurements: 34.5 - 32 - 38
Posted on July 25th 2003, 8:47 am
OK, so today I drove 615 miles total. That ended up being about ten hours in the car. So much fun, let me tell you...all by myself too. I am so tired. I should just go to bed, but I wanted to write this before it wasn't fresh in my head anymore.
So, I saw my endocrinologist today. She took measurements of me and confirmed to me that I had not developed anything since I started on higher doses. I mean, there have been skin and hair growth changes. My face has changed slightly too, but aside from that, my hips aren't wider and there's literally no breast growth. So, yeah...that's not making me so happy to know that nothing is going on. And with the spironolactone on the max dosage, I get dizzy. Now I find out that I've been dizzy for no reason. So yeah, that's a bit bothersome.
To fix this problem, she's now maxxed out the estrogen dose she will give me. So, now I'm wearing two patches at the same time. I'm definitely going to be emotional. That's twice the estrogen as before. I see her again in three months, and if nothing happens in that time, then she said we'll talk about it. Let's pray something does happen, cause life is hard enough as it is. I don't need any more crap to happen in my life. OK, enough of Jessica pissing and moaning. I better get some sleep. I'm definitely cranky. Good Night All.
Posted on July 24th 2003, 8:03 am
I've noticed that no matter how much fun I have with my friends, after they leave, I am constantly reminded of how alone I am. I went to visit my best friend at his store tonight. His girlfriend, also one of my best friends, was there too. I love seeing them. They are such wonderful people. After the store closes at night, we frequently have sword fights in the parking lot. Well, he and I are trained with some sort of weapon. However, both of us are somewhat rusty. His girlfriend isn't, but we still include her. It's all in good fun anyway.
Everytime though, it seems as if he and I eventually go at it just him and me, and she get's singled out. I feel bad everytime this happens. She always looks so alone. And despite the fun her boyfriend and I are having, there's always this feeling like I'm being selfish. I'm taking away her boy. I really don't know what to do about it.
Even with that though, they always make me happy to see them. And they are always so happy together, even in bad times. I envy that more than they know. Every night after we all leave and start heading home, they're together in the car sharing the love they have between them. And I drive home in a silent, lonely car. I have no one. I guess that makes me an oxymoron. I love being with the people I love, yet I know I also love solitude. Maybe it's just that in a way, I feel as if all of my friends are going to get married and move on. They wont have time for me anymore. They'll have their families. And I'll continue to be alone. Maybe that's a childish thought, I don't know. But I can't help but think it.
Well, I better get to sleep. I have a long day ahead of me. G'night all.
Posted on July 23rd 2003, 8:26 am
I've figured out how to fix any problem I have with my mood. Any time I'm in a bad mood, all I have to do is eat something really good. This past weekend, I discovered a local sandwich shop. When I worked on Sunday, I was really cranky before my lunch. I decided to go there to get my food. When I got back and ate the sandwich, all my issues drifted away. For the rest of the night, I was in such a good mood. No one could get on my bad side and nothing annoyed me. It was great. In fact, it was so great that I bought another sandwich there tonight. It made me happy tonight too. So, now that I've unlocked this secret, I'm going to get fat. hehe.
Yesterday, my sister finally got her computer from one of my friends. She got everything she needed and hooked it up. Once she got it running, all it did was freeze. That was upsetting to say the least. She finally got it going, and started converting one of her cds to mp3, when she heard a loud popping noise. This I still can't believe, but the CD exploded while it was spinning and transferring data. When I came home from work, I took a look at it. It was jammed up and wouldn't even open. After forcing it, I was able to shake out all the bits and pieces of CD that were left. Needless to say, the drive was trashed. My sister was upset too, considering she paid so much for it. I felt bad, and thankfully, I could help.
I had an extra DVD drive lying around. In fact, it was the one that I swapped out cause it wasn't working quite right for me in my computer. I put that in for her and got things running. I checked all the settings and it was working fine. In fact, the problems I had with the drive in my computer were gone. It was working better in hers than in mine. She now has a fully functional DVD drive. We even popped in the Shrek DVD just to see if it would work. It looked beautiful. And, there was no more computer freezing. I was so happy I could fix it for her, since she had such a bad day. After that, we sat and talked for an hour. It was great. We laughed and had a good time. It was a good re-bonding time. I felt like we took a great step in becoming the friends we once were again.
Now, she's sick. Tomorrow she gets an enema...I don't think she wants me saying that, but oh well. I was trying to pick up her mood all day today. Tonight, while I was at work again, I came up with a great idea. Tomorrow I'm going to buy her a replacement CD of the one that blew up. Hopefully, that'll cheer her up. We'll see. I'll write how it goes in the next couple days. Now it's time for bed. G'night.