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Previously on Jessica's Diary....

Jess talked about her busy life with the miniseries she's working on with the studio. There's the possibility of an internship in California. She's taking on so much that she's running herself ragged. Just then she mentioned a love life collective gasp.

And now...the continuation...

So here's my love life update.

(chirp...)

(chirp...)

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ok just kidding, I actually do have an update.

This past weekend I went to visit Audrey. She's awesome. I haven't seen her in 9 months. Going into this weekend I wasn't sure what to think. She invited me over to spend the weekend with her a few weeks ago. I didn't really know what that meant when it comes to her and my relationship. I went into it wondering what was going to happen. I even discussed it with a few friends of mine. Every single one of them went "ooooooooo, Jessica and Audrey...ooooooo" and I had to quell their fifth grade tone of voice to explain. Still they all assumed HLA...meaning Hot Lesbian Action, a term I had never heard before last week.

Now, I know Audrey, and I know our relationship. And I wasn't sure, but I was leaning pretty strongly towards the "Audrey and I haven't seen each other in a while, we're just friends, and that's all this is" side. But a part of me was leaning towards the "dude, she's inviting you over to her house just the two of you for a weekend, what do you think is going to happen." I wasn't sure I wanted that. I like our friendship. Thankfully, I was right with the first assumption. Audrey and I are just friends. Nothing happened.

Well, nothing happened in the sexual, making out sort of sense. Stuff happened. Like, for example, when I got there, there were three other people there. None of those three were invited. Audrey was not happy about it. After about five minutes, I wasn't happy about it either.

Audrey and I have a mutual friend....Ashley. Well, she's more of an acquaintence to me. Anyway, the best way to describe her is a womanizer. She has sex with anyone she can. Oh, and she's not the most attractive woman either by a long shot. She has a huuuuge thing for Audrey and always pushes herself in. She had a flight to New York that was supposed to leave that night. Due to a large snowstorm, it was cancelled. So, she decided it would be fun to impose on Audrey and stay over night. Not only that, she brought a girl she met at the airport five minutes prior too. Oh, and then she called this girl, Amanda, to come and stay as well. Now we have a party...fun fun.

Yeah, this ruined Audrey and my night pretty handily. Ashley was obnoxious. She was drinking , and she was eating Audrey's food. Thankfully after a time, she went to bed. The airport girl went to sleep early. So it was just Audrey, Amanda, and me there. We were chatting it up for an hour or so. Then Audrey went to bed. So it was Amanda and I. At first I was a little uncomfortable, but Amanda is pretty cool. Not to mention, she's gorgeous, gay, and single.

Here's the cool thing. I never expect anything these days as far as meeting people is concerned. I generally assume no one is interested in a trans girl, so I just talk like it's your average everyday conversation with a friend. Well, it was a good conversation, and eventually Amanda asked for my number. Now, granted, it wasn't a "so....can I have your number?" It was more just slipped in there all unnoticed like. We were talking about computers and stuff. She knows about computers!! She mentioned that there's something wrong with hers and doesn't know what to do with it. I told her about my work at the help desk and offered help. I said I would write it down, but it would be easier to e-mail it. She said she'd get my address from Audrey. We then moved on to other stuff. I don't know exactly how we got there, but I ended up mentioning my voicemail message and suggested that she would probably like it. I said if I had my phone, I'd let her hear it. She thought that was cool and said "I should get your number and call it later." I was a little surprised to be honest. After a few seconds she was like "Is that ok?" and I responded with "Yeah...yeah definitely" and gave it to her.

So that's how it went. I wasn't sure at all about the feeling of it. It could have meant she just wanted it to be friends or get computer help. I was ok with that if that's what she meant, and I told myself that it meant nothing. Yet, I dwelled on it all the next day. I kept wondering what it meant. I told Audrey about it, and she was smiling about it. She was happy we hit it off that night. My curiosity was just growing all day. Amanda had left early in the morning on Saturday and I didn't get to say goodbye. She was heading down to Florida for a softball tournament. So, midway through the day I sent her a "sorry I didn't get to say good bye. Have a safe trip. It was fun chatting." text message. She replied with a "It was awesome chatting. Call her sometime. I can help her with her computer and she can teach me guitar." message. That sent good signals. So, we'll see where it goes. I'm still trying to keep my hopes down. Though, that's a bit like trying to hold a vampire back behind a school door. (Sorry...been watching a lot of Buffy today).

Anyway, that's the cool love life update. I think I'll leave my updates at that for tonight. I hope you enjoyed them.

Luv,

Jess

Hey everyone,

I haven't been posting much lately, and I think the subject of this entry sums it up pretty well. Holy crap have I been busy. I think it could easily be said with one simple word: miniseries. The miniseries I decided would be a good idea to undertake this semester has been sucking up my time like a black hole. The only thing is, I'm not regretting it at all. In fact, I'm loving every minute of it.

If I haven't mentioned it before, the series is called "Almost 1". It's a play on the popular real-time series 24. Each episode is five minutes long, and there will be ten episodes total. Do the math and you'll understand why it's titled the way it is. Yes, we are geeks, but at least we're enjoying it. So far we have three episodes done.

The thing is, I never would have assumed it would take this long to do a five minute episode. To get all our shots, it takes a good five hours of shooting...maybe more. After we have that done, we have to capture and edit all the video. That takes a good 10 to 15 hours. In the end, it takes about 20 hours to make a good solid episode with good shots, decent editing, music, sound effects, and any special effects work we can do. All that for a really nice looking five minute episode. I can't imagine an hour episode or a three hour movie.

I've been doing a lot of the editing. Since that's what takes the most time, it has been keeping me up long hours and also keeping me away from my homework. I don't mind really. I think it's great. I wish I didn't have class or another job to deal with though. If this was my sole job, I'd be so happy right now. Unfortunately, I still have to keep decent grades, and I still have to work my other job. So I've been running myself a bit ragged.

The cool thing is that I've used the first episode as a submission for an internship. I've applied to the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for their summer program. It's like the internship to get. It pays $4000, lasts 8 weeks, and is in California. I hope I get it. I think I stand a decent shot at it, but I've learned not to get my hopes up too high these days. I typically find myself extremely disappointed when I do. I'll know by mid April though.

I'll do my best to keep you all posted on that. In the meantime, I'm just trying to survive the semester. I keep giving myself more and more things to do. Like for example, the statewide group that asked me to present to the college system board is asking me to go to their next general assembly. I also volunteered to take on the task of organizing the women's leadership conference for next year. What was I thinking? I swear, If I survive this semester, I need a cape. I'll be sure I have the abilities of a superhero if I'm able to survive through all this.

Well, that's it for the miniseries update, now onto the love life update... Stay tuned.

Luv,

Jess

The article was published today. However, they decided not to quote me. :( They did, however, quote GenderPAC. I mentioned them to the author of the article. At least I helped make GenderPAC more known and had an influence. I did see some of my influence in the article. She defined transgender much like I would.

If you're interested in seeing the article, here's a link to it:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/04/national/04bathroom.html

Enjoy the reading.

Luv,

Jess

Hey everyone. I just got off stage from doing my first night of the Vagina Monologues. It's intermission right now. The only thing left for me tonight is the curtain call, which I'm not looking forward to. We're supposed to dance on stage in front of everyone else. I'm sure I've mentioned on here before how much I don't enjoy dancing. Actually it's more of a "I feel really really really awkward when I dance" type of feeling.

So yeah, we have to dance on stage. After we start dancing, we have to go out into the audience and dance as we go up the aisles. Really not looking forward to it. That's ok though. It's good for me. I need the experience. It'll be me and my friend Marcy dancing uncomfortably. We'll have fun.

The monologue I read was entitled "They beat the girl out of my boy...or they tried." It was about transwomen, which is fitting. I have a big long line at the end that takes up an entire notecard typed. It involves getting emotional about the negativity towards transpeople. Specifically it talks about the non-acceptance and the physical violence. It's a tough line to read.

Earlier one of the girls in my group said that some janitors last night were making comments about me. They said something to the effect of "That girl used to be a guy. I thought the Vagina Monologues were a female thing." and such. The girls that heard them say that stood up for me and told them to eat shit basically. That's great.

She told me today about it. She said she didn't want to upset me. I told her that it doesn't upset me. It makes me proud to know that I have friends, even friends I just made, that will stand up for me. Those janitor guys can go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned. The nice thing is that during that last card of the monologue I read, I used it as motivation. It helped me get angry and upset. I don't normally let that stuff get to me. And even now it doesn't matter, but it helped. So, that's a good thing.

Anyway, I'm going to go relax a little before the big finale. I'll talk to you all later.

Luv,

Jess

Lately I've been feeling very....female. I think that's wonderful. It's all due to the Vagina Monologues. I'm participating in them this year. I'm reading "They beat the girl out of my boy...or they tried". I think it's going to be great. The experience of rehearsing and getting to know the other women in the performance has been very special for me. That's mainly due to the atmosphere of the group.

I can't really describe it any better than to say that I actually feel like I belong. The talk about vaginas a year ago just made me feel sidelined. Even though I was accepted, I didn't feel accepted. Hmmm, I guess the best way to put it is that I just couldn't relate to what was being said about a genital organ that I didn't yet have. Now things are different. I can relate, at least to some of it. I'll never relate to the menstruation issues, but I don't think that matters. Really I just feel like I'm a part of the female population now. How neat is that?

In other news, the first episode of the mini-series is done. It took me a lot of time and effort to get it done. Hopefully in the future it wont take nearly so long. It shouldn't since the template is laid down now, but I'm sure something can still go wrong to make things difficult. It ended up being about 6 minutes long. I am quite proud of it though. I haven't rendered it into a web version yet. So maybe Sunday I can take care of that. I showed the episode to my bosses at the help desk and they loved it. I also showed a professor I have, and she liked it too. That was important because I'll be submitting this to the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for a possible internship this summer. My professor got that internship when she was in school. Wish me luck on that.

A week ago was my birthday. I'm a whole 24 years old now. I feel old being on a college campus. I'm six years older than the freshman. There are people who started years later than me in college that are graduating earlier. My time will come though. Chris took me to this restaurant called Tokyos for dinner. It was a "surprise". I knew he was planning something. I just didn't know exactly what. He invited a bunch of my friends and we all had dinner together. This was one of the japanese places that makes the food right in front of you. I was entranced by it. The food was so good. It didn't seem like much while I was eating, but after I finished, it hit me. I felt so full the rest of the night. I had planned on going to the gay bar too, but ended up falling asleep early from the food. What a good birthday. Thank you Chris.

Last night was Spiritual Night take 3. It's been a pretty regular thing lately. We have one every two or three weeks. Definitely a necessity for me. I really need the relax time. However, last night went late and I have early class and work. I'm pretty exhausted today. I have to drive the three and a half hours home tonight too. I hope I make it safe and sound. If I have to, I'll stop and nap for a bit. Right now a nap seems like a good idea. Too bad I'm at work for another four hours. Poo. Hopefully it'll go fast.

So anyway, last night we did a meditation that lasted 45 minutes. It was a Chakra alignment meditation. For those of you that don't know, Chakras are energy centers of the body. There are seven: the base of the spine, the lower abdomen, the solarplexes, the heart, the neck/throat, the brow, and the crown. Each deal with different parts of the body and parts of the spirit. The alignment meditation brings all seven back into alignment (how profound). It also purges the bad vibes and energies that were causing the disalignment. It's very relaxing, but it was difficult since it was so long. As a group we weren't used to that kind of length. Still, great experience.

Hmm, aside from that, school is still hard. I've managed to finish the sixth season of Buffy. And I'm still always short on sleep. I hope this weekend is better for me. I think I'm going to get back to work now though. Have a wonderful day everyone.

Luv,

Jess