So...I listened to the voicemail left by the mechanic (He called...I couldn't answer but called back within a minute.) Turns out the estimated full cost when I replace the ignition lock is $225. The actual bill for today is $47. That's a LOT better. I'm picking up the car tomorrow. *Big Sigh of Relief*

I got the phone call today about my car.  They've lubricated the ignition lock and it's working again...who knows for how long.  I also found out the right tie rod is worn as are the sway bars.  The tires I bought last year are faulty too! Great! I'm thrilled.  Furthermore, the bill for today comes to $225 plus tax.  I looked at my bank accounts and discovered that If I clear out my savings, I'm about a dollar short.  I have some money in my business account, but I can't transfer it out.  So...yeah...I'm fucked.

I called my mother and she just chastised me for moving and getting into my debt predicament.  She's never really understood that kicking someone while they are down is not very helpful.  It makes no sense to pick at decisions that were made already.  What matters is the solution.  Why does she feel the need to be mean about it? Ugh..what a day.

:(

So, it would seem my decision on bankruptcy is all but made at this point.  Today my car went in to the shop for a repair.  Since Saturday I've been dealing with a weird problem with my car key.  That problem being, I put my key in the ignition, and it won't turn.  I fight with it for a while, and then it turns.  Long and the short of it, my ignition lock is quickly breaking.  So, it sits at my mechanic's for a while.  They have to order parts.  The estimate was $225.  I also needed an oil change, and they're looking at one of my tires that seems to have a flat spot on it too.  So it'll end up being $300.  Perfect timing, right?

More on that perfect timing thing is that we had a winter storm today.  So...my dad drove out to my place of work to pick me up in the snow.  It took him about an hour to get there.  Then, we drove back in a traffic jam the entire way.  When we got off the freeway, we slid off the road.  A nice man stopped to help us push the car off the median.  We couldn't have done it without him.  Thanks a lot Mr. Awesome! I stuck around and ate dinner with my dad before heading back home.  The roads were worse I think on my way home.  It took me an hour for what would normally take a half hour.

Anyway...it was a long sucky day.  There was some good though.  I remembered to bring lunch.  So I didn't have to worry about leaving or spending money.  Also, I got kudos from my boss.  Or more specifically, she and my other coworker expressed their jealousy for my producing techniques.  They openly admitted that they admire my use of excel to make my normally very repetitive and annoying tasks easier.  She specifically said that they wish they could do it too.  I wish I could make it simpler for them to pick up.  I've just always had a good repore with technology.

On a not as good note, I found out through my friend Jeff that the position that I've been waiting to hear back on was filled by someone else.  He knows the editor at the company and heard him talking about a new girl.  At least I have some closure.  I still find it very rude to tell someone you want a second interview, then never call.  Not only that, they sent no word that I didn't get the job.  That's just plain cruel.  I never want to do that as a business owner.  People want to know instead of being left in the dark.  So I guess I have to keep looking.

I want to give a quick shout out to the friends that have been reading this and offering support for me during my difficult financial time.  You have been wonderful, and I very much appreciate the kind words.  It means a lot.

On a completely unrelated note, Hulu.com recently added He-Man to their selection.  Last night I watched the first episode and wow...it was bad.  There was no back story, no introduction of characters, nothing.  The story itself was really thin and the acting was way over the top.  He-Man threw two blows the entire episode.  He punched a rock monster and swung his sword at some robots once.  The show was purely to sell toys.  Still, I loved it as a kid.  To give it a little more credit, today I watched the beginning of the second episode, and it was written by Paul Dini of Batman: the Animated Series fame.  This episode had an actual plot with some quality to it.  The characters showed some emotion and at least a little bit of depth.  I was impressed for a mid 80s show.  Maybe it just needed time.  I'll have to check out  more to give my full review of a childhood favorite.

One last thought before I go.  I am really thinking it would be beneficial to put my budget online here so that people can see what I'm doing.  It's a bold move, but I think it might help.  It'll give me transparency to everyone.  I can get open criticism on it, and maybe it'll help me learn from my past mistakes and how to be better with my money as a whole.  Plus, then maybe you all can help me make this bankruptcy decision.  We clearly know I'm bad with money since I'm in this position, so maybe I'm jumping the gun.  I think an online budget might serve to be very helpful.  What do you think?

First...I have to comment on how my apartment needs some weather stripping.  My office has a large air leak via the window, and it's cold on the backs of my legs.  That will quickly be taken care of tomorrow. :)

Saturday was my first visit to an SCA event.  SCA stands for the Society of Creative Anachronisms.  You can learn more about them at www.sca.org. Anyway, they are a group that exists in a pre-17th century Europe.  I was invited by a friend from college. In fact, Sarah is a former boss of mine back when I worked at the help desk.  It was fun, and I'd say it was definitely interesting.  There were quite a few people there, and that impressed me.  Everyone was in period attire.  There were fencing tournaments going on all day both in heavy weaponry with swords, sheilds, and armor, as well as rapier.  I took somewhere's around 150 photos while there.

The food was ok.  The company was nice.  Overall it was a new experience that I might go back to.  As of right now, I don't know where someone like me fits into a society like that, but maybe that's not really a problem. I would say it served as a nice distraction from what I've been thinking about all the rest of my weekend...money.

I'm considering bankruptcy.  I didn't want to do this, but the more I look into it, it just looks like the best path for me.  I'm starting to lose sleep over money issues.  I'm having stress dreams almost every night.  I am to the point in which I have to choose between food and paying my bills.  I have no savings to fall back on, and if anything happens, I'm in bad bad shape.  So, I think this is my best option for right now.  I have a plan set that would get me filing for it in January or early February.  Until then, I'm going to do my work and pay what I can and see where things fall after my freelance comes in.

Share your thoughts if you would.  I definitely need advice in this.  I know the consequences of filing, how long it stays on your credit, how it could affect insurance, and so forth.  For right now though, I could just use a fresh slate. Anyway, I leave you with two photos.  I'll post more when I have time to finish touching the others up. Enjoy.

[gallery columns="2"]

Ok, I've been thinking about a book for a while.  I want to get down some of the topics I want to talk about.  This list will be a work in progress.  Feel free to comment and add topics to the list.

• Gender Identity
• Gender as a social construct
• Separating gender and sex
• The three levels of identity - Ascribed, Disclosed, and Self
• Gender Policing
• The case against "Deep Stealth"
• Family
• Religion / Spirituality
• Voice
• Relationships: both romantic and platonic
• Gender paint theory
• Gender binary vs Gender spectrum vs Gender Continuum
• Eonism (i.e. the movement that looks at gender binary as a detriment to all human beings)
• A look at the evolution of gender throughout history
• Employment
• "Passing"
• Hair and the removal thereof
• the Transgender Age gap (i.e. those that transition at age 20 vs age 40 or 50)
• Choice (i.e. does one choose their gender identity)
• Sexuality and transgender
• Sex organs and the taboo of genital modification
• Surgery
• Competition
• Body image and transgender
• The prevalence of nerds in the trans community
• "Post-Transsexual" as an unhealthy identity / Transsexual shame

OK...that's all I can think of for now.  More as thoughts develop.