Yes indeed...I do exist. What a hectic time it's been. I've been spending most of my time reading and writing...hence me not writing on here much. Kinda get sick of it after awhile. The research paper I'm working on will probably be around 50 to 60 pages long. Right now it's about 40 or so. That's actually kind of funny, because when I initially started writing this post, I said it was going to be a 30 page paper. I've covered the first two important sections: the history of gender and the current practices and perspectives on gender within several fields of study such as sociology, feminism / women's studies, psychology, and so on. I've also deconstructed a few important concepts related to gender. Since then I've also tackled a bit of the final two sections, which details the new viewpoint, definition, and the birth of the next movement. So I've had a lot of stress lately. This research is essentially an incredible responsibility.

I'm excited about it though. This research is huge! I really think that after it gets published, it's going to make the media. This is going to be a big deal. A new movement of this size hasn't been started in a long time. Plus, this is so core to humanity, and definitely to trans people. I can't really post too much more about it, because I want it to be a big grand unveiling when it gets published. I'm going to put it on here in the transcyclopedia when it's ready. Don't worry, I'll announce it.

Throw onto that research the fact that I had to move back in with my parents and you get a TON of stress. Though the move wasn't horrible, it was still a big move. Packing everything up and then unpacking everything after I got home. Then I get to figure out how I'm going to handle being in the same house as my parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them and they love me. It's not an issue of fighting or anything. It's just that my freedom is much diminished from what it used to be. I'm not used to having a strict dinner time and such. Plus, my schedule is quite the opposite from my parents. I'm rather nocturnal. I stay up until 4:00 am and then sleep until noon. They don't like that so much. I'm adjusting though.

OK...so job hunting. Not so much fun. I've been a bit concerned because I haven't had a whole lot of time to send resumes out. I have sent a couple, which is good. However, the response has been pretty nonexistent. I did my first follow up call, which went well. They remembered me very distinctly and thanked me for sending the very nice resume package. I had bought some really nice envelopes and folders to be all impressive. Yet they never called me for an interview. Their loss. I'm sending out at least 8 more resumes and such this week though.

Let's see...website news. I've designed a new logo and installed the new framework, which I need to spend some time on. Here's what the new logo looks like:

The glow is only a temporary glow. I'm going to be animating it with particle effects and motion of all sorts. It'll be cool. I'll keep everyone posted on the changes to the site as they develop.

Right now I feel kind of stagnant. I have several projects that I haven't finished. I feel like I'm getting nowhere on them. I think it's because I'm trying to divide my attention between them all. Plus, I keep distracting myself with second life, which is highly addictive. I've been sleeping a lot too, which is kind of my escape from my responsibilities. My dreams don't have me doing major research and such. It's a nice relief, however it's not helping the situation.

On a happy note, things with Jess...my long distance online relationship that I've bitched about a lot...have actually gotten a hundred times better. (Yes I believe this is the point in which the 2x4s will come out) Seriously though things have been fantastic. We're talking pretty much every night. There's a voiced committment, which is great. We're actually going to meet in person in about a month. I'm pretty nervous about that. It'll be interesting. So yeah, this is turning into not just an online relationship anymore. (Put the 2x4s away...geez) So far so good. Of course in any relationship there will be rough points, but if we got through the last stuff ok, I think we'll be able to get through the stuff ahead too.

I'm so close to finishing my latest series, I can taste it. I have one night of solid editing left. Then it's finally done. How cool is that? It's a lot of work though. I have to do a ton of special effects work as well as all the audio balancing, sudio effects, music, and yeah...lots. Perhaps I'll do it tonight after I finish my cover letters. Oh and by the way, I've discovered that the thing I hate most about applying for jobs...cover letters. I'd rather vomit on myself. Ah well...I better get to it. See ya soon.

Luv,

Jess

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't posted much lately. I'm busy working on research and a series. I will post about it later in the week. :)

Luv,

Jess

So I spent $25 on paper last week. Wait...correction, I spent $25 of credit money on paper last week. It was expensive paper. I got a whole 80 sheets. Yup, that's right...Jess bought resume paper. I do realize it's necessary to impress with a 100% cotton paper resume instead of your 20lbs recycled printer paper, but to me it's a bit ridiculous. Though...I do want a job. So I suffer though it. Besides...I'm in over 30 grand of school debt. What's another 25 bucks?

I spent a lot of time before the 4th on my resume. I think it's just about done finally. I've had the people at career services from campus look at it not once, but twice. I also had a friend head hunter person check it over and give me great suggestions (Thanks Austin, you rock). Now I just need to solidify my references (not a problem at all), and my portfolio (a lot of work).

The portfolio will take me an evening to do. I just have been putting it off...which is bad. I know what I want it to look like. I know what I want it to do, but I just have avoided doing it. I even have all the necessary video clips set to go. I spent two days converting video off of a former video project DVD too. I just need to sit down and do it. I've been wasting time too much.

Other than that, I had a great 4th. I went home to visit my parents. I took Meat (my cat... I usually call him Kitty, but since he sleeps in a box that has "Meat" on the side, my friends started calling him Meat. Seems to have stuck) home too. Sadly, when I put him in the kitty carrier, he apparently needed to go potty right then. I had no way of knowing that. So...he was whining a lot in the car. Suddenly...it smelled like poo. Then again an hour later...more poo smell. Then about 10 minutes from home...a kitty urine smell. I felt so bad. He was panting and drooling from holding it so much. Thankfully on the way back to my apartment, he had no trouble...slept most of the way.

The fireworks were great. I went to an art museum and took some pictures of the building. I visited with some great friends, Seth and his girlfriend, Hannah. I also hung out with another trans friend of mine. Her name is also Jessica. I know a lot of Jessicas. And of course, I spent time with my family. It was a great five days home. I don't think I've enjoyed my time at home as much as I did that weekend in a long time. It was great.

The time in the city did tell me something important too. I realized that I really really want to move away from where I live right now. I need a bigger city. I need the hustle and bustle. I need the energy of the larger area. I am not going to apply for the job that is open near where I live right now. I want to leave here. So at least that is settled.

Other than that stuff, I haven't been doing a whole lot. I recently started playing Metroid Prime. It's a fun game. I've had it for quite a while, and I just haven't played through it. I'm stuck right now fighting the Omega Pirate. He's a bitch to beat. Anyway...I've also been reading too. Still doing the research. I wasted my time with Middlesex. Though an interesting book and story, it just doesn't apply to the research. I'm going back to postmodern theory stuff to see where it goes.

I saw a couple movies too: Superman Returns, and Pirates 2. I'll review them later though. I gotta run now. A friend and I are about to run to the store. See ya.

Luv,

Jess

Well, I finished Fable today. That's a good thing. I felt the urge today to be productive, and that makes me happy. I think I've finally recovered from the school year and can get back to work. I've started work on a new TransLife look and such. I took a look at some Content Management Systems, and found one that I really like. I think we're going to switch over to it soon. I just have to figure out how to transfer all of the data on the site first. I'm even going to redesign the look and feel of the site as well. I'm thinking that it'll even include a new logo. So...yeah, major changes.

I also started working on my resume as well as a Demo dvd of my work. I will need to get some editing done on stuff to make sure I have some nice visuals on the disk. I want to wow people when I send the disk in for jobs. I also had someone send me a heads up on a job in the area I currently live in. I will apply for it even though I don't want to stay here. I'm also going to apply for a few others too. I need work, and I'm not going to sit on my thumbs relaxing anymore. It's time to get to it. :)

Luv,

Jess

Tonight was a blast. I hung out with my new neighbor, Betsy, and her friends. We had a cookout and just sat and talked. It was really fun bonding with three other women. I've noticed that sometimes when I'm connecting with some really amazing women, I forget that I was once physically male. We talked about things ranging from relationships to music to the summer solstice. It was really fun. I wish I could have more nights like that.

Lately I'll admit that I've been spending waaaay too much time playing video games. I recently purchased Fable: The Lost Chapters, and I've been playing it like crazy. It's got a great plot and awesome gameplay. Sooo much fun. However....soooo addicting. Both my friend Dani and I are hooked. Tomorrow she and I are getting together to play our own Single player games together. How bad is that? I'm getting close to the end though. So hopefully my addiction will wane soon.

Other than that I've been reading Riki Wilchins Queer Theory Gender Theory which is blowing my mind. I had spent a little time discussing the affects of postmodernism in my classes...but we never actually discussed what postmodernism itself is. That's what this book is about. I've since discovered that I think in a postmodern form. I've actually argued with postmodern points before, but I didn't even realize it. This book is only 170 pages long, and it's changing my perceptions of the world. It's also changing my very identity. Now that I have latched on to the concept that language is the bane of existence and is oppressive in nature, I've accepted that the words "Man", "Woman", "Masculine", and "Feminine" don't mean anything. They don't make sense anymore. There is no "Man" in society or "Woman" as we as a culture have defined it. So...is there an adequate word that exists to define myself? I don't think there is.

I've also started changing how I word things. For example...gender is not a spectrum. I used to say that it is, and that Masculine and Feminine were the ends of the spectrum with each of us falling somewhere in the middle. That's not right. Not only does it not adequately represent what gender is, it's also reinforcing the gender binary. I think gender is more of a continuum. There are no endpoints, and everyone falls somewhere in the continuum. I think I'll call it the "G" continuum. I'd call it the "Q" continuum...but that doesn't work for two reasons. 1. There is no Q in gender, and 2. Star Trek already took that idea. Yes...I know I'm a nerd.

OK...enough postmodernism for now. I've started looking into jobs and am planning on applying for a few. I'm excited, but first I have to put together a demo DVD. I'm working on that. Plus, I have to perfect my resume. That's the goal for this week yet. Hopefully I wont be too distracted with Fable. In the meantime, I've also met up with a local photographer. He's been showing me the works, and I've been showing him how to use software. It's been a nice pairing. I have a whole bunch of pictures I want to post sometime soon. So...watch for those.

Love life news...the internet girl, Jessica, and I are still talking. It's frustrating because she doesn't communicate as much as I'd like. I still don't know how much I trust her, but that's ok. If it works out, it works out...if it doesn't...it doesn't. My life is in flux now, and I'm going to be moving soon anyway. Where ever I go there will be more dating opportunities than here by a long shot. So, I'm not that concerned. Thanks to those friends that have been concerned and have listened to my frustrations. You all rock. :)

I've been to the library a lot lately. I've been on a huge comic book kick. I have checked out trade paperback and hardcover bound comics just for the fun of it. I read all of Frank Miller's Batman stuff...the stuff that inspired both the recent Batman Begins and the 1989 Tim Burton films. I've also read some X-Men, Spiderman, and Daredevil. It's been interesting and fun. I've found some favorite artists and authors. Oh, and I purchased two copies of Wonder Woman #1...the new Wonder Woman series. I haven't read it yet, but it's very pretty. Let's see...video games, computers, comic books, and anime...all I need now is to start playing Dungeons and Dragons and my journey to the ultimate nerd side will be complete. ;)

OH!! One last thing before I sign off for the night. I was called by GenderPAC this past Monday. They asked me if I'd be interested in doing an interview with Newsweek magazine. How cool is that? So I've contacted the reporter and am just waiting to hear back. We'll see what happens with that. The New York Times interview is still in the works too. Let me say that I feel like I have an agent. GenderPAC is awesome.  I'll keep you all posted on what happens. OK...I'm off. Bye for now.

Luv,
Jess