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This weekend was weird. Yesterday was my sister's graduation party. We had tons of family over. Everyone was so nice to me. I have a great family when it comes to support. My sister was even nice to me for the day. That in itself was a miracle. I played catch with her and her boyfriend. It was nice. The food was excellent too. My family really knows how to cook. The whole day was nice.

Sunday proved my theory. It's very close to Murphy's Law. Basically, if you have a really good day, the following day or a day in the near future will be crap. Or, the other way around. It's like a luck wake. You drag the bad/good Karma behind you, and eventually it catches up. That was today. This was a day where my emotions were toyed with, my patience tested, my sanity on the edge, and by the end of it, I was so sick of hearing an argumentative tone that I felt like I wanted to puke.

There was one good thing that happened today, and that was seeing 'Bruce Almighty." It was a great reminder of what I believe in and such. I enjoyed the story. It reinforces my long time feelings that God will speak through us in any way necessary. We just have to look for it. I've neglected my faith lately, and it's because I had lost faith in God's people. Now, I haven't gained much in the faith in his people, but my prior faith in him is there again. And that's a good thing. I feel better I guess.

I did have a thought about religion today though. It's funny to me how religions are. There are thousands of different religions out there. Buddhists, Christians, Jews, Islamics, Shinto, American Indian, etc. There are only a small few of all those religions that are open to other possibilities. Almost every single one of them thinks they have the right idea and all the other religions are wrong. We are all so egotistical, and yet, when you really think about it.....do any of us really have any clue? That really gets me I guess. I mean, with that in mind, where do we get off telling others what is right and what is wrong? It wouldn't surprise me if we are all completely wrong. I guess I can wait and see. Just food for thought I guess.

With that, I'm out of here. Bye.

Luv,

Jess

Well, I finally got the live diaries working. However, there are some formatting issues I still need to take care of. That'll happen sometime in the next week hopefully. I may need to call in some help on that one. Otherwise I may need to rework the whole thing, which I don't really want to do. So, we'll see what happens. But if I don't get to sleep, I'm going to hate myself in the morning when I have to get up for work. Actually, I'll probably hate myself for not going to bed about three hours ago anyway. But no sense in making it worse. I'll write soon.

Luv,

Jessica

Well, my first day of hormones is done. It was a very uneventful day. In fact, I don't even feel any different. I don't know if that's common, but that's how it was. The only difference I felt was a headache through most of the day, which wore off towards the later hours. I never got emotional or moody. I don't know if it'll come in the next few days, but I'll find out. I don't know why, but I guess I actually want to get moody and emotional. I think it would be a sign that the hormones are there. All I can really do is wait and see. I'm not on Spironolactone yet, so my body has both estrogen and testosterone in my system. I don't know how that affects things. I'll be sure to write if anything happens. Time for sleep.

Luv,

Jessica

I GOT APPROVED!!!!!!!!

I start on estrogen tomorrow morning. I'm so excited. Apparently it was a completely unanimous vote 'yes'. Why did I even doubt? The hard part is over. Now I can relax for a while. I'll write about how these next couple days go. I know I'm going to be an emotional wreck. It'll be funny. :)

Luv,

Jessica

Wow, my life is busy. I never have any free time. I'm working three jobs. When you combine that with class, therapy, homework, and voice training, I'm just swamped. I'm lucky I get time to sleep and eat. Anyways, on to the actual content of my last two weeks.

The speech I gave in the women's studies class went so wonderful. I spoke for 40 minutes and took some questions after that. People were blown away by my openness. It was received well. Thankfully, I have a sense of humor that at least some people in the class appreciated. I was able to keep them interested. They seemed to be really impressed with my voice. I switched freely back and forth between my female voice and male voice. It was a really disorienting experience for them apparently. I'm just glad I had the opportunity to educate those 50 students on transgender and my life. I'd do it again if I could.

A few of us went out to eat afterwards. We went to this small pizza place. It was good, but I know I got some strange looks. Not to be stereotypical, but generally I feel uncomfortable around guys in cowboy boots and flannel shirts. I'm glad I was there with a group. The people from the class were great though. We had a good time. Again, I wish I could do it again.

After the food, I drove some of the people home. Then, the professor of the class, who just happens to be a former professor and good friend of mine, invited me into her home to chat some more. I got to meet her husband and her cat. I felt so honored being invited in like that. We all talked about the comings and goings of campus. We also discussed the future and possibilities for me to educate more on campus. I'm very excited about that. These coming years will be fun.

Since then, more of my facial hair has fallen out. I'm pretty sure all the dead hair is shedded by now. There are a few patches of hair left behind. It makes for an interesting design. Thankfully, in two more weeks, I get my next treatment. Then the shedding begins again. At the end of that one though, things should be even better. I've been frequently taking photos of my face. I'll be posting a laser hair removal diary sometime soon. It'll be whenever I get this site redesigned. I'm working on a bunch of stuff for it right now.

I've been taking an HTML class, and they've been teaching me all the wonders of Macromedia's Dreamweaver. I'm hoping to get my own copy of that soon. The site, though looks ok now, will probably look a lot better soon. There is also a possibility of maybe doing a web documentary series of my transition. I have to consult the people at the campus cable TV station where I work. If they'll allow me to use the cameras for some short clips, it's a go. I hope that works out too. There is a lot I want to show. If they wont though, I'll try to get a different camera to do the job. I think that may turn out really great if I can get it to work out.

On another exciting note, my hormone approval date is Thursday of this week. Everyone keep your fingers crossed. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, because it seems any time I do that, I get let down. I figure this way, if I get approved, it'll be a pleasant surprise. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. I'll probably be just as upset if I get denied anyway. Well, we'll find out in a few days. I will definitely write something saying yea or nay.

Some sad things have happened in my life too though. My grandma is currently in kidney dialysis due to polycystic kidney disease. She was found in her home in a deep sleep. They determined that her carotid artery was pretty much completely blocked. They had planned to do a procedure to clean it out. Before they did that, they did an angioplasty. Through that, they determined that her artery was indeed 95% clogged. Unfortunately, they also knocked loose a piece of material. It caused a massive stroke. My grandma had paralysis to the left side of her body. Even her vision was affected, though that is recovering. That's sad, but not the worst. The worst part is that they can no longer do the procedure to clear out her artery. That means she's a ticking time bomb. She doesn't have much left. So, yeah. It's sad. I'm not mourning her yet though. She's still here, and hopefully for some time yet.

I wish I could leave you on a happy note, but I guess not this time. I'll write soon.

Luv,

Jessica