April 3

It's 2:00 am in the morning. I just finished watching season 7 of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. It was beautiful. I started crying about 2/3 of the way into the show. It was extremely well directed, scored, and written. The show as a whole has really inspired me. As we all know, I love hero stories. Since this transition began, I've wondered what female heroine I would find myself attached to. Wonder Woman was the first one, but she's not very realistic. Buffy is realistic....well aside from the slaying of vamps part. Her character is real, as are all the characters on the show. I've bonded with the series now.

Joss Whedon, the creator, is an incredible man. He is such a feminist and is brilliant as a storyteller. He has driven me to want to be a part of something like Buffy. I want to create a character, story, family, and legacy out of a TV series or movie that will touch people's lives in the same way. Oh and I found out Joss is writing and directing the upcoming Wonder Woman film. That makes me happy.

My life also changed today in a completely new direction. Well...I guess not completely new. I just wasn't expecting it. I interviewed tonight for the director of the commission of student senate that I have been a part of for a year or so now. I've been the LGBT chair since I was kinda thrown into it at random. I've enjoyed it, but never thought I would be director, or even want to be director. To this day, I'm still not sure I want it. I applied because I didn't want to see the commission fall apart. The only other people that applied had never even been to a commission meeting before. So I interviewed and got the position. Go me...I think. Basically I just threw a huge responsibility on my shoulders. All this time I've been complaining about having so much crap to do, and now I just gave myself more. Way to go me. I'm an idiot. Yet I think this will be a rewarding experience. At least it's paid.

So yeah, I'm not exactly sure how that will go. I think it's odd how it happened in the first place. Over spring break I was called by the student body president and asked to interview. Apparently their first slew of people weren't up to snuff. I find that to be odd since Lisa, the former director, re-applied. I know she's capable. I think there were just some politics of sorts going down, which is bullshit. I very much respect Lisa and know she deserves the position. All the same, I know Lisa is glad I got the position over anyone else. At least things will continue to run smoothly.

April 10

I'm about two hours away from my school right now. It's the general assembly of the statewide student organization that runs several conferences I've been to and stuff. They were the people that set up the meeting with the university system that I spoke at back in December. They've been pushing to get me to come to a GA for a while, but this was my first opportunity. Friday night is the committee meeting time, and then Saturday is the actual general assembly.

Friday night was pretty cool. All us queer people talked about statewide issues for LGBTQ students. One of the big topics was the actual implementation of the new gender identity and expression policy. We wanted to be sure it was being implemented. I enjoyed the meeting. Afterwards I met up with my lil sister. She goes to school in that town. I had been hoping our meeting could be fun since we so rarely get to see each other. I was wrong. The group of us that came from my school had to have a "delegation meeting" and talk about what happened at our meetings. So instead of my sister and I hanging out, she got to listen to boring politics talk. I felt bad. Still we got to see each other. That's something at least.

Saturday morning was really dull. The bulk of the first three hours was spent on electing a new president of the organization. It took way longer than it should have. I just wanted to go home. I had the miniseries shoot I wanted to be at, and I was supposed to meet Audrey to hang out. Sadly, I didn't get back until the shoot was over, and Audrey and I didn't get to hang out for long. Anyway though, the elections took forever. After that they spent a few minutes on resolutions, and then we got to awards. Now, awards ceremonies you're supposed to get an award at are ok. But when you know you've never been to a GA before and you're not getting an award....they're pretty dull. Again, I just wanted to go home. of the people gets up and starts reading off this award. As he talks about the award recipient, the person sounds very familiar. After about 30 seconds, I realized he was talking about me. It was all about "this person who constantly puts herself out there even though the environment right now isn't the friendliest. She works hard, sets examples, and without her, gender identity and expression wouldn't have been added to the non-discrimination policy at all." My heart was pounding and I had a shocked look on my face. He finally said my name and I walked up there and gave him a huuuuge hug. What a huge surprise. I felt so great after that. In fact, I felt like a heel for wanting to go home so much. What a great way to get me to come back a second time. Give me an award at my first GA.

That night Audrey and I watched our friend Amanda's softball game. This is the same Amanda that asked for my number. Sadly I don't think anything will happen between Amanda and I. We're both too busy and can never seem to connect. Our schedules are inversed or something. Anyway, the game was cool. Audrey and I went to get food and she headed home. Later on my friend Kevin came over and we watched Requiem for a Dream. Despite the film being about drug use, it's very well done. Technically it's great. I love the angles and composition in the shots. Beautiful. The movie itself...kinda depressing.

April 22

I've been a bad student this semester. I don't entirely blame myself for it though. I don't think there's much I could change. My class load is just so stressful. Combine that with my three jobs and my volunteer work...yeah, that's a challenge. I haven't even tossed the miniseries in there yet. I have shifted around every few weeks at which class is falling behind. For a while there it was my web programming class. Thankfully I'm caught up in that class and going to it every time. Now my art class is falling behind. My women's studies too, but that one I'm not as worried about. I am not a fan of this art class though. It's three credits, yet it's six hours a week in two three-hour blocks. That's a long class. On top of that, the professor is a jerk. He's one of those "I only give As to the graphic design students" type guys. He's hated every one of my projects, even though others in the class have really liked them. I just get so much negative feedback that it's hard to care about the class. Right now I'm just trying to get a C and get myself out of the class. Originally I was going to take the second class in the sequence, but I decided against it. Instead I'm taking a technical writing course. After this class...that course is looking pretty good.

A week ago I inadvertantly made the newspaper again. This time I had very little to do with it. On Wednesday, a friend of mine who teaches at the local high school and is the advisor for the GLBT group there asked me if she could show my before/after pictures in her class on Thursday for their school's recognition of the Day of Silence. Of course I said yes. Friday she called me to tell me about the article in the paper. Apparently there was one boy in her 3rd hour class that had a problem with the pictures. He left the class and called his dad. His dad then called the Superintendent of the district asking for my friend's suspension. Following that, he called the newspaper and said that she was pushing her "twisted point of sexual view on his kid". They of course jumped all over it. Thankfully most of the article featured my friend talking about how the pictures and lesson were completely appropriate and focused on critical thinking and diversity education, which the school district has policies supporting.

Regardless, I'm not a fan of hearing someone insult me even if my name isn't mentioned. I decided to write a response to it. I spent a few days, called in a few friends, and eventually wrote a 600 word response touching on the issue of ignorance in the local area. I decided not to go with the whole "'re an ass for calling me sexually twisted" response and stuck with a more poignant, intelligent, non-argumentative response. I felt that it was more of a slap in the face to come off as an intelligent, well rounded, respectable, not sexually twisted person than to just get all in his face. The response ended up being twice as long as the letter to the editor section allows. I submitted anyway. The editor e-mailed me saying they would print it completely and in it's own column. They also wanted a picture to go with. So....which picture to use...none other than the one shown in the classroom. SCORE!!! The article will be printed tomorrow. I'm excited. I'm not the only one who is responding either. There's a professor on campus, as well as a few others. I think that kicks ass.

Last weekend I hung out with my friends Kevin and Nikki. We watched the movie "Sideways". I really liked it. I don't drink alcohol, and the movie was about wine tasting. Even so, it was great. The story was excellent, the directing was great, and the camera work/technique was really cool. Lots of interesting angles and choices for shots. I get into that sort of thing cause I'm a geek about film. Still, I'm glad the movie won an Oscar. It deserved it. I give it 4.5 out of 5 brownies. (My old rating system if you recall). I think the only thing that dropped the .5 points for me was the drunkenness in the film. I live next to a bar and see it enough. But that's the only reason. Great film.

No news on the internship yet. I've been waiting for more than a month now. They said that they would let us know if we were finalists by the end of April. We're getting close. The worst part about this is that I can't commit to a summer job. I wont know if I can work the summer for probably another month. I'll probably end up working a shit job this summer because of it if I don't get the internship. I know I can work at TV10, but that's only 20 hours a week. I'll have to look into another job on campus too. Something to fill the other 20 hours. We'll see what comes up. Of course that's only if I don't get the internship. I'm still thinking I stand a really good chance of getting in. I'll keep you all updated.

Since Buffy is over, I've had to fill the gap of a series to watch. I decided to watch an old favorite of mine: Sailor Moon. Yeah yeah, I know I'm a huge dork. Anyway, Sailor Moon was the first anime series I ever watched. It got me into anime. So, it holds a special place. This time though, I'm watching the japanese version. Holy crap is it different. There's more violence. There's gay couples. And amazingly there's a lot more episodes too. They cut out a lot in the english version. It's been cool. After I finish this, my friend Kevin loaned me "24" season 1. So I'll get myself hooked on that next. I figure the miniseries is a spoof of 24. I might as well get to know the series it's based off of.

The mini-series is coming along. In fact it's getting close to it's conclusion. We have shot through episode 8. That leaves two more episodes left. We shoot ep 9 tomorrow. I can remember the fun of the first shoot. I've learned so much since then about logistics of putting together a series. I feel so much more professional now. What shocks me so much is that people really like the show. I mean...I shouldn't be shocked. I just have gotten to expect that people don't generally like the in house productions at my station. This is different though. No one's done a full out series like this before. Plus, it's well written and executed. Even people in administration like it. I'm so happy about that. We've submitted it to the student independent film festival on campus, and we're also submitting it to a national college broadcasting competition. I really think it stands a chance too. People have walked by during shooting and given us compliments on the show. I've walked into rooms and said some quote from the series and people have recognized it and laughed. Courtney downloaded every episode and burned them to DVD. Oh, and we're also going to make a real DVD of it after it's all finished complete with blooper reel and special features. I've had people ask when they can get a copy of it. So, I know people are interested. How cool is that?

I think I'll end this tome with a happy note. Earlier this week my friend Kevin announced that he is throwing a "Jess Appreciation Party" this weekend. Everyone at the studio is invited. It should be fun. I was so flattered when I heard that. I didn't provoke it or suggest it at all. It was actually his and Thadeus' (the miniseries writer) idea. By the way...Thadeus is a very cool name. So that party is tomorrow night. I'm excited. I'll let you know how it goes. :) That's it. Have a fabulous weekend everyone.



Hey all. Sorry for the lack of posting. The title explains it all. I will have a long and huge update for you very soon. Trust me it's been on my mind. The long and the short of it is that I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off with so much crap to do. I'm actually writing this from the TV studio office. I'd better get home and finish my homework for the night otherwise I lose points. Talk to you in a day or so. BYE!!!




Hey all,

I gave a training session on video editing tonight with my friend Sam. We were just goofing around and experimenting, but I had an idea of what I wanted to do. We ended up putting together a quick six second video clip. It's of me dusting her like she's a vampire in Buffy. Here is the result of our efforts. It's not spectacular, but it taught her the basics. It was a lot of fun to do. I wish I could put more effort into it.

<%media(Kinda Dusted.wmv|Dusted video (500 kb Windows Media video) )%>

Enjoy :)



I hate trying to find a doctor. When I was looking for a gynecologist, I kept getting declined because they don't deal with transgender patients. Now I'm looking for an endocrinologist. Guess what? They don't deal with transgendered patients. Surprise Surprise. No, of course they tell me that the closest doctor is an hour and a half away. Get me as far away from them as possible. Would it really hurt them to learn a little bit more about their field? I mean really...I've been a guinea pig before. I'm typically always the first trans patient the doctor will see. It's this damn closed minded town. Grrrrr....



Previously on Jessica's Diary....

Jess talked about her busy life with the miniseries she's working on with the studio. There's the possibility of an internship in California. She's taking on so much that she's running herself ragged. Just then she mentioned a love life collective gasp.

And now...the continuation...

So here's my love life update.




ok just kidding, I actually do have an update.

This past weekend I went to visit Audrey. She's awesome. I haven't seen her in 9 months. Going into this weekend I wasn't sure what to think. She invited me over to spend the weekend with her a few weeks ago. I didn't really know what that meant when it comes to her and my relationship. I went into it wondering what was going to happen. I even discussed it with a few friends of mine. Every single one of them went "ooooooooo, Jessica and Audrey...ooooooo" and I had to quell their fifth grade tone of voice to explain. Still they all assumed HLA...meaning Hot Lesbian Action, a term I had never heard before last week.

Now, I know Audrey, and I know our relationship. And I wasn't sure, but I was leaning pretty strongly towards the "Audrey and I haven't seen each other in a while, we're just friends, and that's all this is" side. But a part of me was leaning towards the "dude, she's inviting you over to her house just the two of you for a weekend, what do you think is going to happen." I wasn't sure I wanted that. I like our friendship. Thankfully, I was right with the first assumption. Audrey and I are just friends. Nothing happened.

Well, nothing happened in the sexual, making out sort of sense. Stuff happened. Like, for example, when I got there, there were three other people there. None of those three were invited. Audrey was not happy about it. After about five minutes, I wasn't happy about it either.

Audrey and I have a mutual friend....Ashley. Well, she's more of an acquaintence to me. Anyway, the best way to describe her is a womanizer. She has sex with anyone she can. Oh, and she's not the most attractive woman either by a long shot. She has a huuuuge thing for Audrey and always pushes herself in. She had a flight to New York that was supposed to leave that night. Due to a large snowstorm, it was cancelled. So, she decided it would be fun to impose on Audrey and stay over night. Not only that, she brought a girl she met at the airport five minutes prior too. Oh, and then she called this girl, Amanda, to come and stay as well. Now we have a fun.

Yeah, this ruined Audrey and my night pretty handily. Ashley was obnoxious. She was drinking , and she was eating Audrey's food. Thankfully after a time, she went to bed. The airport girl went to sleep early. So it was just Audrey, Amanda, and me there. We were chatting it up for an hour or so. Then Audrey went to bed. So it was Amanda and I. At first I was a little uncomfortable, but Amanda is pretty cool. Not to mention, she's gorgeous, gay, and single.

Here's the cool thing. I never expect anything these days as far as meeting people is concerned. I generally assume no one is interested in a trans girl, so I just talk like it's your average everyday conversation with a friend. Well, it was a good conversation, and eventually Amanda asked for my number. Now, granted, it wasn't a "so....can I have your number?" It was more just slipped in there all unnoticed like. We were talking about computers and stuff. She knows about computers!! She mentioned that there's something wrong with hers and doesn't know what to do with it. I told her about my work at the help desk and offered help. I said I would write it down, but it would be easier to e-mail it. She said she'd get my address from Audrey. We then moved on to other stuff. I don't know exactly how we got there, but I ended up mentioning my voicemail message and suggested that she would probably like it. I said if I had my phone, I'd let her hear it. She thought that was cool and said "I should get your number and call it later." I was a little surprised to be honest. After a few seconds she was like "Is that ok?" and I responded with "Yeah...yeah definitely" and gave it to her.

So that's how it went. I wasn't sure at all about the feeling of it. It could have meant she just wanted it to be friends or get computer help. I was ok with that if that's what she meant, and I told myself that it meant nothing. Yet, I dwelled on it all the next day. I kept wondering what it meant. I told Audrey about it, and she was smiling about it. She was happy we hit it off that night. My curiosity was just growing all day. Amanda had left early in the morning on Saturday and I didn't get to say goodbye. She was heading down to Florida for a softball tournament. So, midway through the day I sent her a "sorry I didn't get to say good bye. Have a safe trip. It was fun chatting." text message. She replied with a "It was awesome chatting. Call her sometime. I can help her with her computer and she can teach me guitar." message. That sent good signals. So, we'll see where it goes. I'm still trying to keep my hopes down. Though, that's a bit like trying to hold a vampire back behind a school door. (Sorry...been watching a lot of Buffy today).

Anyway, that's the cool love life update. I think I'll leave my updates at that for tonight. I hope you enjoyed them.