Blog

This weekend has been boring. I haven't had much of anything to do. The only time I left my apartment was to go to the grocery store. I'm not the person people think of right away when they want to go with a friend to a party. In fact, I don't even think I'm on that list of people to consider. So with that, my phone hasn't made a sound since Thursday night, except for the one time my dad called me. What a thrill. I spent a lot of time chatting and then watched some Kenshin. How fulfilling.

Yes, internet, I have it now. Thanks to the student deals on campus, I was able to re-sign up and get same day installation. So here I am. No more cable and internet woes. Just boredom. But at least I have something. OK, enough with the self-depreciating talk. On with the news of the first week of school...

So, classes are great. Japanese is particularly cool. I've already gone through about 100 notecards so far. I'm sure I'll need quite a few this semester. Theory is the same as it was last year, but that's ok. I still like it. Plus there's a cute girl I sit next to. I'll get to her in a bit. I went in to check at the Computer services place I applied at last spring for a job. They asked me for an interview right away. I happily went in for that. They suggested I also turn in a resume since some of the positions require one. I've been thinking about making a resume since last year, so I started working on it. It's almost done too. It's definitely a pain in the ass to make one though. I'll be glad when it's done.

Well, so this cute girl. On the first day of class she sat two seats in front of me. She leaned past the girl inbetween us and made an obvious effort to say hi and talk to me. I thought nothing of it other than she's new to the class and is trying to make friends. The next day she sat next to me. We talked a little before class, but after class we walked through the building together talking the whole way. This is when I started thinking about her being a nice girl and attractive. Didn't think much else though aside from maybe a little bit of daydreaming. The next day was more interesting. She sat next to me again. This time, we didn't really talk much in class at all. At the end of class I wanted to see what my friends were doing, so I was going to head off with them. The cute girl and I said bye and she left. I followed my friends only to find that they were preoccupied with audition results and had no idea if I was there or not. So I decided to not be there. I walked through the building to my normal exit, and who was just about to leave...but the cute girl. We walked and talked as we headed out the door towards the parking lot which was on my way home. She was parked there. So, during our walk, we discovered we both like Japan. It was cool. When we got to the lot we sort of parted ways and said our "Have a nice weekend"s. But it turns out we were still heading the same way. She called out offering me a ride to my place. So I took her up. As we walked to her car, we discovered we have even yet more in common...we drive the same car.

During our walk and our ride, I learned that this was her first week at this school altogether. She was a transfer student from a different college. She hadn't really made any friends yet. So we kind of share a bond in that respect except for I transferred here a year and a half ago. But either way, we have a lot in common. Now I'm extremely interested, and am curious to know if she is too. Somehow I doubt she has any interest. She's probably straight. That's how it usually goes for me. Something hit me later though, when I was thinking about it afterwards. She may not know I'm trans. That makes things interesting. I'm going to have to find out in a round about way pretty soon. I don't want to make a fool out of myself. Though, it's likely to happen. I'm good at that sort of thing. I'll keep everyone posted. In the meantime, it's 2:30 in the morning. I'm going to bed. G'night.

Luv,

Jessica

I've been moved in for a week and I'm loving it. It's quiet and homey. So far, no complaints save two. I'm broke, and my internet wont be installed for about two weeks. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to pay my credit card bills and my new cable bill before my next two paychecks and my financial aid check come. I think I'll manage though. I also have three major rebates to send in that gets me about $100 back from all the crap I bought to move in. I'm sitting in a computer lab in one of the residence halls right now and I'm worried that I'm not supposed to be here, but I am anyway. It seems as if other off campus students are using this lab too. So I don't feel so bad. I am going to have to find a local job real soon. Otherwise I'm screwed. I think I'll be ok though. Now, I better get off these computers so I can go do my laundry. Bye.

Luv,

Jessica

Today is moving day, finally. I spent all of last night packing my stuff up. It took forever. I had originally planned on taking two days to move, but it seems I was able to get everything into my parents van and my car. I have way too much crap. The only things not currently packed up are a few books, a couple boxes, and this computer. That all gets packed in the vehicles in the morning when we leave. So, I'm moving entirely up to school tomorrow. I'm excited.

The only thing that sucks is that I'm broke. I went to the Reniassance Faire today, but I spent practically nothing. I am paying my cell phone bill a day late cause I didn't have enough in my account when I tried to pay. Tonight I have to buy a bunch of school stuff and I don't know if I can afford it. I don't get paid until Thursday. Once I get paid, I should be ok for a little bit. It's just right now I'm worried about. If I can make it to when I get my financial aid check, I will be in the clear. I think I'll be ok, but I guess I'm still worried overall. Oh well.

Well, That's about it for now. The excitement of school will come soon. I wont have internet for around two weeks while I wait for installation and stuff, but I'll still try to use school computers to post diary entries and such. OK, time for some sleep. It'll be a long day tomorrow. G'night all.

Luv,

Jessica

It's the last day of work for me today. I go back to school on Monday, and I really can't wait. This last week all I've been doing at work is daydreaming about moving in and starting school. It's sad. I never would have expected that as a kid, but I really do want to get back to it. All I see at work is back to school shoppers with their piles of school supplies. If I get anymore of those customers, I think I'm going to go crazy though.

I hung out with another old friend this week. I swear, this summer has been hang out with random old friends summer. It was a good time. We caught up and she told me that she thinks I'm such a cool person. I have the greatest friends. I'll miss the ones here when I go back up to school. The people at my job all seem so genuinely upset that I'm going back to school and leaving them. It's touching.

I took some pictures with my friends at work yesterday. One of them was with a girl I have had a crush on all summer. She's just gorgeous. She put her arms around me too. My smile in the picture is completely geniune cause of it, too. She's probably completely oblivious to my crush too. I probably wont ever know on that one. Oh well. Yeah, the pictures I took are actually good pictures of me, but I can't use them cause the people in them don't want to be on the site. I didn't expect them to, but it totally figures. I finally get a good recent picture and I can't use it.

I had a lot of steam I had wanted to blow off recently, but I always seem to forget what it was at this time of night. Maybe if I wrote these entries when I'm awake, I'd have more coherent thoughts. We'll see after school starts. Anyway, time for bed. G'night.

Luv,

Jess

Today was the funeral. It went well. It was an odd feeling for me. I wasn't emotional. Everyone else was, but not me. I wanted to be, and actually, I felt bad for not being emotional. But really, I think it's because I said goodbye to her a year ago. I had let go, so it wasn't so hard for me. It was obviously hard on everyone else, especially my mom. She'll be upset for a while now, but that's to be expected.

The wake was last night. It also was really nice. Lots and lots of people came. In fact, So many came even today for the funeral that the procession was something like 30 cars long. I'm sure we were pissing people off who had to be places. It was a good thing for me though. Again, it sounds horrible for me to say that, but it's true. There were a lot of family members there that gave me such encouragement and support. I feel so much better about myself now than I did a week ago.

I wore a skirt both days, and strangely enough, I wasn't nervous about it. In fact, I didn't even think about the fact that practically all of the people there had never seen me as a girl before until most of it was over. I got lots of compliments too. I had to smack my dad once though. He'll never understand the whole pronouns in public thing.

What happened these past two days really honored my grandma. She had so many wonderful friends and family. I can see it in their treatment of all of us. Even my pentecostal relatives were great. I've learned that they are making an effort to try to understand me and my difficulties. I got long intimate hugs from that part of the family. I will miss my grandma, but in a way I don't have to. Her family and friends are still there to remind me of what kind of person she was. I'm just so happy she's not in pain anymore.

In other news, my lease finally arrived. I have a place to live for school, which is good considering move in is only a week and a half away. They have installed an air conditioner in my apartment now too, which means I'll be comfortable no matter what now. That's great. I got paid today, which means I can afford all my supplies and rent. Oh, and my video card finally came. It's working great so far, though, it's just showing that the whole backbone of my computer needs to be replaced as well. We'll see if I go that far. I might just be that stupid. To prevent any more stupidity though, I should get some sleep. Good night everyone.

Luv,

Jessica