I don't know if any of you recently read Courtney's diary, but she wrote her review of the new Batman film directed by Christopher Nolan. If you're looking for a review that gives real insight, you've now found the right place. Don't believe a word she said. Let us begin:

This film can be summed up in one long word in-fucking-credible. It is simply the greatest superhero movie ever made. Those of you that know me at all know I'm a huge superhero fan, particularly of Spiderman. Now, I loved those films. This blows it out of the water. Batman Begins is written astonishingly well. The plot flows nicely. It makes the idea of Batman seem real instead of just a crazy guy in a cape and mask. Each aspect of the character makes sense and fits together like a puzzle. The film is character driven instead of action driven. It examines Batman as a troubled human instead of as a superhuman. That is the biggest change from the previous films.

Some would argue that the Tim Burton Batman films were the ultimate Batman. This is simply untrue. While the films were good, they had a wacky imagination that came from Burton which took away from the reality of the movies. His style is what opened the door to what became the Joel Schumacher Batman films. By that...I mean it began the return to full out campiness in the final two films. Not only that, the story was very off in the first films. Eventually those movies focused on cheesy lines and nifty gadgets. Sure, Batman has gadgets and stuff...but that's not what Batman is.

Batman begins tells a superhero story like they are supposed to be told. It took the character seriously instead of making fun of it. Christopher Nolan truly took a franchise out of the depths of the abyss back to a legend again.

Next, I move on to the acting. This film was littered with brilliant actors. Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, and Christian Bale are just a few. I hadn't really seen Christian Bale much before and I was really impressed. I think of this as the Swiss Army Knife of this film. By that I mean Christopher Nolan probably said "Who do we need to make a good Batman film?" He definitely did it. The interaction between Bale and Caine was exceptionally good. That isn't very surprising though coming from those two I guess...

Moving on to the score. The music was done by Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard. These are two of my favorite composers of the present day. I found myself confused at first as to who wrote it. I didn't know it was by two composers. Usually you can identify by style and sound who wrote the score. Of course I was confused...it was these two. You can pick out certain parts that were influenced by each composer. It's pretty cool. The best part of this score though is that it's subtle. It never overtakes or completely drives a scene. It simply adds ambiance and a little emotion to the film. The theme itself is very simple. It's a rising minor third interval played by low brass and horns underlaid by a rhythm that mimicks the sound of bat wings. The film deals a lot with fear...so there are a few horror-esque riffs that appear as well. It's very cool.

One friend of mine....calls this film a "fan film" and a "sellout". These are way off base and make no sense. This film appeals to everyone. It's very well done. It also happens to follow the comics and present the Batman that he is supposed to be. Those of us who have either read the comics or seen a lot of the animated series know this. I hardly find this to be a sellout film. The argument is that DC comics wanted to take advantage of the "superhero rage" that's happened in the past few years. Though that argument probably has some truth...the main thing is that they made an exceptional film. If it was a sellout, they would have rushed and put out a peice of crap, thin, waste of time movie. This movie was far from that. Real sellouts that come to mind are the video games for Star Wars Episode 1, any superman game ever made, The Wheel of Time series that never ends to continue making money...that sort of thing.

Some of you know my rating system, but it's pretty self evident when you hear it. I give Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins 4 1/2 out of 5 brownies. What can I say...I was somewhat hungry. I ate the last half. It was good....chocolatey. That's my review for what it's worth. I hope some of you get something out of it. I'll return to my regularly scheduled diary entries now.

Luv,

Jess

Ouch!!

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That's what I get for swimming for the first time in 4 years.

Luv,

Jess

That's from a song....it's from Cowboy Bebop. Those of you who are geeks may know it. It really fits my mood tonight.

I don't feel a thing

and I stopped remembering

The days are just like moments turned to hours

Mother Used to say

if you want, you'll find a way

Bet mother never danced through fire shower

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain

I walk in the rain, in the rain

Is it right or is it wrong

and is it here that I belong

I don't hear a sound

Silent faces in the ground

The quiet screams, but I refuse to listen

If there is a hell

I'm sure this is how it smells

Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain

I walk in the rain, in the rain

Am I right or am I wrong

and is it here that I belong

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain

I walk in the rain, in the rain

Why do I feel so alone

For some reason I think of home

That song has always struck a chord with me...no pun intended. That song and "Death of the First Born" from the Prince of Egypt... I don't know why. I just have a thing for sad songs. I'm really introspective and somewhat down tonight. I've been kinda the past couple days. I'm not sure if it's because of what's been on my mind, the weather, just a natural downpoint, boredom...or what. It's just been kind of annoying.

Ray and I have been talking. She's been calling me when she needs to vent about her ex. I feel honored that she would do that. At the same time, it's been kind of weird for me. I know we both have feelings for each other. I don't want to come off as trying to manipulate her because I like her and want her to be single, because that's not at all what I am doing. I'm trying to be a friend and ignore my feelings why I listen and give advice. Holy shit is it hard to do, but I think I've done ok so far. I focus on her feelings and just try to help her sort through things. If I can't do that I try to serve as an open ear.

The problem with that is...sometimes I don't have a clue what to say. Because of that I've found myself feeling very nervous when she calls. I want to be there for her and don't know what to say to help her. I don't want her to think I'm just not talkative or anything. It's just weird. I'm doing my best, and I guess that's all I can do.

I think my financial situation is affecting my mood too. I have $1.25 to make it through the next week. I'm not kidding either. That's literally all that I have. I'm going to be pretty darn hungry over the next week. I don't have much more than breakfast cereal in my apartment right now. I hate bumming money off my friends, so I'm not asking them. Once friday hits...I should be great. I'll get my first paycheck working fulltime. It'll be tough though.

Anyway, that's where I am right now. I think I'm going to get some sleep and hopefully feel a little better in the morning. G'night.

Luv,

Jess

To keep people flocking to my diary, I try to lead an interesting life. That, of course, is the sole reason too. You know...I just want to see the hits go up and up. Each week I have to top the last. It's quite the challenge really. Seriously though, do I live an exciting life? Or is it just typical and mundane? I know I can't answer that. Tonight I found myself with many questions that I couldn't answer. So...here's the story.

A little over two weeks ago, I got an IM from a friend who just moved away. She told me that before she left, she met this really hot lesbian girl that she was training in at work. This girl was asking about me. Since my friend had moved away, she couldn't set up a meeting between the two of us. Regardless, she told me the girl's name, Rachel, and I poked her on facebook. About five days later, I got a poke back, and we started talking. In another few days we met, and we really clicked. She's totally adorable. I really found myself attracted to her.

That's where we get into the problem. My friend told me that Rachel was single. In the time between my friend telling me about her and me meeting her, she got back together with her girlfriend. That's pretty par for the course for me. Anyone who's been following my diary for the past few years already knows I tend to meet and fall for the taken girls or the straight girls. This time it was slightly different in that I got the "I like you too" vibe back from her. All signals pointed to it. Yet she was also showing me pictures of her girlfriend and telling me about her all the time. Total mixed signals....again pretty standard for me.

So we began our friendship and have spent a lot of time together this week. We ran together, watched 24 season one together, ate ice cream together, and so on. It's been cool getting to know her. I continue to get that vibe....and I try to shake it off. Tonight, her girlfriend came into town, and we all went out. She was a little drunk...but other than that, things were cool. Then, she and I had a talk... She confessed that she had a crush on me, but she's in love with her girlfriend. My feelings were right on I guess. She told me that her love is what comes first, and I totally understand that. I told her that she doesn't have to worry. I'm not going to let anything happen between us. I like our friendship, and I don't want that to end.

I ended up not feeling so hot, and went home for about 20 minutes. I used that time wisely and gave myself some air. I feel fine now, so I'm assuming it's all the smoke in the place that was getting to me. Regardless, I think it helped me. After hearing that, I knew it was a good idea to keep my distance. I really don't want to be that girl that causes a breakup. I felt it was good to keep my distance from her especially tonight when she was slightly drunk. She had grabbed my hand earlier and was also dancing with me really close. I personally liked it, but knew it wasn't the best idea. I didn't want to start speculation with her girlfriend and cause a fight or anything.

So I came back, and went in for about ten more minutes. My headache was just getting enhanced again by the smoke and the loud music wasn't helping. So I went out and sat outside. Turns out Rachel and her girlfriend were fighting regardless of me being there. I wish I could help. I want Rachel to be happy regardless of who she's with. She's my friend. Plus, I'm a helper and a healer. It's what I do. In this case though, I'm doing all that I can I think.

Anyway, I didn't stick around too much after I went outside. I was feeling incredibly introspective. It's been a strange night. I said bye to my friends and started walking home. On my way I realized that I don't really know how I feel about this whole thing. I felt like I wanted to cry, and yet I didn't. I felt upset, and yet composed. I felt confused and yet very clear. All in all, I had no idea how I felt. I still don't. Lauren said something to me the other day. It had something to do with a pattern she has seen in me. How I tend to really want to be in a relationship and then decide that I don't want to a month or so later. I think I simultaneously want and don't want a relationship.

Here are some of the questions that were going through my head:

Why am I so afraid of dancing? I can stand up to an entire community because of who I am, and yet, I can't dance in a bar...

Why do I want to be with someone?

Why do I not want to be with someone?

Am I supposed to be alone?

Am I as attractive as I keep being told I am?

Why won't I believe it when they tell me that?

What do you say to "You are fucking gorgeous"?

Have I been single so long that I'm afraid to be in a relationship?

Am I just anti-social?

Why is this Blue Man Group rhythm still stuck in my head? at least it's a cool rhythm

I called Kevin and left him a message telling him what happened. I ran into him on my way home and he gave me a hug as he was listening to the message. I almost started crying. I held it in because I was too embarassed to cry right then and there. We went up to my apartment and talked about it, and I almost cried again. I think it might make me feel better, but I'm not sure why I'd be crying. It's incredibly confusing. So, right now...at 4:30 in the morning, I'm unsure. I just don't know. I think I'm going to go cry and get it out before I go to sleep until noon tomorrow. Tomorrow I need to meditate. I need to clear my thoughts and get some new perspective. Maybe I'll go talk to Lisa too. I think spiritual night will be sometime this week.

Anyway, I'll keep ya'll updated on the exciting life of me. Hopefully I'm not disappointing any of you with what's going on. If I am...comment and let me know. I'll consider it constructive criticism. I think I'm getting loopy. Bedtime. Good Night.

Luv,

Jess

Hi everyone,

Yes, I'm alive...barely. The semester is finally over. I managed a 2.87, which normally would disappoint me, but this time I'm quite satisfied with that gpa. It's actually better than I expected. The miniseries really did affect it, but I was thinking there would be more Cs. I got four Bs and only one C. Definitely could have been worse. Amazingly, I got the highest grade in my hardest class. That's pretty cool in my book. I got a B+ in Communication Research Methods. Go me.

The miniseries didn't finish up as nicely as planned. In fact, it's actually not finished at all yet. We have the last episode to cut together. I had hoped to have it done weeks ago, but the weather did not cooperate with us. Every shoot we had was on a shitty weather day. It started raining a few times. Eventually we got everything shot during finals week. Sad that we had to do it then, but such is life I guess. Overall I'm pretty happy with it though. We had a lot of fun and told a cool story. We'll run a marathon next year of the whole series.

My summer jobs were in question up until about a week and a half ago. I for sure had my TV station job for 20 hours a week. I didn't have anything to fill up the other 20 though. I had a meeting with my boss for the TV job, and it turned out they needed a web designer for the housing department. I said I could do it, and she hired me on the spot. There's my other 20 hours. Not only that, it pays better than the TV station job. Kick ass!! So I've been doing that this past week. I like it. Neither job has specified hours. So I get to pick when I want to work. I used this week as recovery time and slept in just about every day. I'm not going to do that all summer, but I needed it this week.

The cool thing that happened this past week was the last minute trip I got to take. Yeah, that's right...Jess got a vacation of sorts. I was personally invited to the National Conference on Gender in Washington D.C. I didn't think I would be able to go because of flight costs, but turns out the diversity office offered to pay for it. So I got to go on this trip pretty much for free. How cool is that? It ran from Thursday, May 19th to the 22nd. I had a great time, learned a lot, taught a lot of people about transgender, and even almost hooked up with someone. She got really drunk on Saturday night and started flirting with someone else though. So I just left. That's not something I care to deal with.

Riki Wilchins, the president of GenderPAC was there and I got to meet her. She was talking about how the organization doesn't have enough money to moderate the messages about gender that are sent in the media. I felt compelled to pledge to her that money in 10 years. I'm a fool. I can barely feed myself and I'm pledging 30 million dollars. I'm crazy. Still, I think it'll be possible and it's definitely a good cause.

I met a lot of really cool people though. I have pictures and I might post them. I'm not sure. I'd have to ask permission first. There were people from several countries there too. I met Emma from the UK. She was really cool. I need to e-mail her back to say hi. There was also Nikki from California I think, Nick from NY, Kelly and Bethany from Pennsylvania, Hat, Shawn, Tong, Min, Neo, and everyone else from Iowa. There were just a whole ton of cool people there. I look forward to next year as well.

Chris moved in next door. That's pretty cool. We have our own apartments, yet we share everything. So it's like we're roommates, but we're not. It works out well for both of us I think. We set up a wireless network to share the internet. That way we save on costs. Now it should only be 20 bucks for the net. Though, the speed is a bit diminished. We may up it. We made cookies last night, and actually we have a food plan in mind. Each week we will try something new with food. We're going to experiment and make something we've never made before and see how it turns out. It should be fun. I'll take pictures.

I saw Star Wars Episode 3 and I think I saw a different movie than everyone else. I thought it was crap. I got enjoyment out of it, but I just think George Lucas can't write at all. The character development was nonexistent. The lines were hideous. Watching Darth Vader yell "Noooooo!!" was probably one of the worst moments in film history. Nevertheless, the action was cool, Ewan MacGregor was cool, the cinematography was cool, and the CG was cool. I just don't think it warrants the ratings it's been getting.

Kevin lent me his Playstation 2 and DDR pads. So I've been playing DDR and getting pretty decent at it. I'm not one of those people that's addicted to it by any means. I play it once every couple nights and am getting fairly good at it, but I don't think I'll ever own it. It's a lot of fun though.

My friend Rachel told me that a coworker of hers...also named Rachel...was asking about me. She's a lesbian, single, and gorgeous. Unfortunately, my friend Rachel is moving to Seattle now that she's graduated. So she wasn't able to set up anything between her and I. So I made use of the fabulous facebook that we just got on campus and sent her a message through there saying she could ask me anything she wants. We'll see what kind of response I get. I'm not expecting anything to be honest. But it's kind of cool to know someone was asking about you...you know?

Speaking of people talking about you, I had electrolysis today. My electrolygist, Hilary, told me that she's been sending out information packets to the potential students. She also is an electrology teacher. Included in the information is a link to my facemorph, which is on my picture page. Apparently someone from Malaysia that was interested in the school called Hilary and told her that she needs to put realistic information in her packet. Yeah, she doesn't think that my picture is of a real transwoman. "But she's so pretty..." is what Hilary told me she said. Hilary just laughed and told her that I am a genuine TG person. The Malaysian woman may still not believe, but she'll be out here for her hands on training and will ge to meet me then. I can set her straight....er....queer....whatever. I just thought that was funny and a confidence builder.

Well, that's it for this immensly long diary entry. Until next time...which should be more often considering I have lots of free time now. Talk at ya soon.

Luv,

Jess