OK...I'm going to make sure I get enough sleep in the coming weeks. Today, I had the worst headache and felt like I wanted to puke. I never get headaches. I actually skipped a class today to get some sleep because I felt so sick. Maybe I am actually getting sick...who knows. But yeah, no more late nights and early mornings for me. I don't want to be in that state all the time. I was no fun at work because of it. Class sucked too. That's why I just went home and slept. I ace the tests in the class I missed anyway. I'm sure the professor has lost no faith in my ability.

I'm not very excited to have my parents stay here tomorrow. It'll be interesting. I spent my entire Friday night here cleaning my apartment so that it looks and smells nice when they get here. They're coming to see the half-time show that I'm in with the marching band. My little sister is visiting from her college too. I guess it'll be ok. She's going to be taking her computer back to school with her though, which means I wont have one anymore after tomorrow. That's good though, because I have a paper due Monday that I'll need to write on Sunday. Not having a computer here will force me into the computer lab and actually work on it. If I were here at home, I'd be distracted by everything. I'm so busy this week too. I'm speaking for the LGBT meeting this tuesday, and I'll need to prepare for that. I'll write my entries when I'm at work or in the computer labs.

You know what would figure? Tomorrow night I'll get a call from the girl I gave my number to last night at the Coming Out day rally. And I'll have to tell her no cause I'm housing my parents for the weekend. I sure hope that doesn't happen. I'd be so disappointed. Anyway, yeah...on to that sleep thing I said I was going to get. Good night all.

Luv,

Jessica

Tonight was an AWESOME night....well most of it at least. I went to the rally on the campus mall for National Coming Out day. There were a lot of speakers there, and a lot of cool people. I listened to a bunch of them give talks about the organization and about coming out. Then they opened the podium up for people to tell their stories about their times coming out. Several people spoke and then I just decided to go up and talk to. I had a lot of fun. I seem to really enjoy speaking to people like that.

I told them my story and got applause and stuff. I didn't think much of it until the rally was over. Four or five people came up to me at the end and were asking a bunch of questions and giving me compliments. I got a lot of "thank you for speaking." So it was a total ego booster. Oh yeah, and the very open Lesbian in the group came over and gave me a big hug, which I was surprised about but enjoyed nonetheless. The one part of the rally that really surprised me was a friend I work with got up and spoke. She said she was an ally (We're the LGBTSA, SA for Straight Alliance) and wanted to thank the people in the group that have influenced her thoughts and her life over the years that she's been at this school. She thanked me personally. It was very touching. I wanted to give her a big hug, but never got to. I'll do it at the next meeting at my job.

After the rally, I got to talking with the lesbian girl and her friends. We were having a good chat. She asked me to give a presentation and workshop at this event coming up. It's a two day event too. I agreed to do it. I'm actually pretty darn excited about it. After that she suggested that I hang out with her and the girls sometime. When I suggested that she let me know when they do stuff, she asked for my number. So I gave it to her. When I did, I was like, "Enter it in as 'Hot Girl'." I totally meant it as a joke, but she was like "Okay" and did it. So, I'm totally pumped and excited. This could lead to very good things.

On the boring side of things, I ordered my new parts totaling about a hundred bucks. I also started the application process for the alternative student loan. It's a pain in the butt. I hope I get it too. Digressing though, I'll be sure to write more on the developments with the girls. I can't wait to have something to write about. Yay. OK, bedtime...good night all.

Luv,

Jessica

So yeah, my sister's computer is broken. I have it right now and I was going to swap out parts to figure out which part on her computer actually needs to be replaced. Unfortunately, in the process my Motherboard got scratched. So, now my computer is screwed. I get to look at a black screen because the processor can't communicate to the rest of the parts. That means...yay...I have to replace it. *grumble grumble*

The only good thing is that I officially determined that my sister's processor was most likely causing the problems she was having. Why? Cause when I put it back into her case and tested it, it melted. Her processor is beyond shot. So, yeah....that just adds to the fun. Now I don't have a clue if her mainboard is bad anymore. I suspected that before, but now I'm not so sure. I have one more option, but I don't know if it'll work. We'll see. I'm just pissed that all this happened. I'm sitting in a computer lab on campus right now because it's the only way for me to take care of some important stuff I have to do online.

I don't know how long it'll be before I get my hunk of junk up and running again, but I'll try to update my diary through campus computers until then. Now I'm going to go sulk for a while. Bye.

Luv,

Jessica

So yeah, last week sucked. It was exam week and Homecoming week. Both of these made last week very trying. The good thing is that I'm pretty sure I did well on all the exams. Also, the homecoming parade and show went great. I'm glad to know I'm respected as a musician and a marcher in the band in that they put me in the front row on the far left. It's a point that everyone sees and the rest of the band has to guide to. So yeah...I rock.

Last week was a long week though. I never had enough sleep and was getting slowly and slowly more depressed as the week went on. My loneliness was creeping up on me, despite the friends I have. I was wanting a more personal, intimate relationship....still am. Figures, I'm doing so great with everything else. School, Work, Life, Friends....even money is starting to look ok too, but that issue is just sweeping in and knocking me to the ground. I'm sure I'll be ok. I'm a trooper.

I am such a loser though. I spent my entire weekend that I wasn't marching during working on a midi file that would eventually become a ringtone for my phone. When I wasn't working on the midi file, I was working on a way to get it onto my phone. In the end, I succeeded. The Rorouni Kenshin song "Heart of Sword" is now my ringtone. I'm pretty proud of it. I actually set up a WAP internet site with files on it so my phone could download it too. That's how much of a dork I am. It's pathetic really.

On other dorky notes, tomorrow I start working on the new diary design. For my JAVA programming class, I suggested to the professor that we make a live journal script for our class project. After we discussed some things about it, he thought it would be an excellent idea. So, the new design will involve separate pages for each person writing a weblog or diary on the site. It'll be more like say...LiveJournal.com or something. It'll be more personal. That'll be nice. And it'll be mine...all mine...mwahahaha. (lightning and thunderclap).

On a very stupid / funny note, this morning I was hanging with the other trans girl on campus. We were talking about random things, and at one point I said I wanted to get some slut boots. She misheard me and said "Slug Boots?" We laughed for a long time....since we have so much estrogen, it was amplified quite a bit. I probably laughed for a good fifteen to twenty minutes at such a stupid thing. She then proceeded to draw the Slug Boots in her notebook, which caused more laughter. It took quite a while to calm down. All in all, it was a good time.

Oh yeah, here's another interesting story. So, I seem to have a gay boy interested in me. He is confused as to how he feels and knows that it's odd. He's scared as to what that means if he does have feelings for me. How does that work? A gay boy and a trans girl? I don't think I've ever heard of that before. But yeah, I'll write more as things progress with that.

Well, I think I better stop with this entry considering I'm starting to push Lauren off the entry page. I should get to doing some sort of work at my job too. I've been writing this at work. It's nice. I'm getting paid to work on my website. Well, I'm off.

Luv,

Jessica

I am so exhausted today. So much crap happened this weekend, and I haven't even written about last week yet. Ug...guess I better get started. So last weekend...way back when, I spent a lot of time finishing a project on Saturday. Sunday was a meeting and afterwards a TG friend of mine from the local area asked to get together. Her wife left due to issues with the relationship and the transgender issues. So, she needed to talk. I did my best to listen. I've never been married, or I guess even in a long term relationship, but I can offer advice and support as best I can. And I did. I just hope it helped.

That same night, I got a random e-mail from a local person. This person is my age and is also transgendered. I had heard about her through the electrolysis clinic in town, but never met her. So I e-mailed back and we started chatting. On that monday, we got together and talked. Turns out I knew her from before, just never knew she was trans. It was really great to finally meet a local girl like me. I think we'll become good friends. There's this bit of discomfort right now that I sense, but that's expected I think. In a sense, it's like we don't know how to act around each other. I don't really know what to make of it, but I'm sure it'll be fine.

The rest of the week was filled with school work and my job. The only exception was that I had a job interview on Thursday. It went really well...like, really well. The interview was at 8:00 am. By 11:15 they had offered me the job. That was awesome. Friday I went in to fill out paperwork and had a great talk with my new boss. She knew I was trans, and she was totally ok with that. She had a professor years ago that was TS and she knew all about it from that. She said if I ever needed help, her and the other supervisors would be there for me. It's great to know that sort of thing.

The weekend brought on some interesting things. Friday night I had to rush and get a project done for work again, as well as prepare for Saturday. It was a rush all night. Saturday was my uncle's wedding. I had to drive out to a different city to go to it. It literally took the entire day. It was fun, and depressing too. I won't get into that, I'll probably just cry again. Yeah, I drove home from that really really late and almost fell asleep at the wheel. Sunday was a looooong day with my job. Four hours worth of being at a meeting. It was a fun meeting, but still....long time.

Monday, being today, I had to get up early...like 5:30 am. My first day of work started at 7:00. Sunday night I couldn't get to sleep. I didn't fall asleep until 3:00 am or so. So after you do the math, I got about 2 and a half hours of sleep last night. I am very tired. I worked three hours, then had my first exam of the school year. Surprisingly, despite my lack of sleep, I think I did well. I had to do homework inbetween classes since I had no time over the weekend to do it. Then, I had another test. That was fun. After that class was a meeting with a financial aid person to figure out how I can afford to live this next year. Then, Japanese...I thought we had a test, but turns out it's tomorrow. Thank god. After band, I finally got to go home. So here I am. Completely exhausted....why am I writing this...I should be sleeping. You know, I think I will go sleep now....Good Night.

Luv,

Jessica