Blog

Bench Warmer

Wonder why its called that...

this bench is warm my foot.

I've been sitting here for years and

it's never gotten warm.

I talked to the coach,

but she just ignored me.

kinda like the rest of the team.

The other girls laugh at me when I'm gone.

I know they must because

they smirk when they look at me.

It's not a nice smirk either, no ma'am.

It's the kind that makes you feel like

you're not welcome.

It's because I haven't gotten to play yet

I'm sure of it. I just need a chance...

a chance to prove myself.

I can play, I really can.

Once they see that, then...THEN

I'll be a real member of the team.

I just need that one chance.

Coach...?

Please put me in.

Coach? Coach?

Hi everyone,

I just updated the diary pages. I think this is a much more functional design. Now I can post pictures and not worry about the menu disappearing under it. Here is an example of a recent picture of me.

<%image(20041218-Lesbian Wanted.jpg|488|734|Lesbian Wanted)%>

Yes, I know it makes me a walking personal ad, but hey, I have to advertise somehow. How else will I get the word out that I'm extremely single. What do you mean flirt with girls and be more social? Anyway, I've been writing more poetry lately. I will post that soon. Since the semester is officially over as of today, I can finally relax and write more of what I want to write. You should be seeing more of that if I have anything to say about it. Well, I'm off to bed. It's been a long day. G'night.

Luv,

Jess

Yesterday was your pretty average day. You know...driving, school, meetings, getting the state university system to add gender identity and expression to their non discrimination policy... Your average stuff. Yeah, I'm amazed too.

I participated in a panel of students yesterday that went before the governing body of people for the entire University system of the state. The emphasis was on the Inclusivity Initiative that's being implemented. Basically what the initiative is designed to do is to further integrate and promote GLBT students in the system (like with curriculum infusion, creating safe spaces, Domestic Partnership benefits, etc). The panel itself focused on student experiences being GLBT on campus.

I talked about the difficulties of getting a job and finding appropriate bathrooms to use during my early transition. It really seemed to have an impact. When they heard that the system and state don't offer trans people any protections at all, they were really surprised. At the committee meeting afterwards, they decided to make adding gender identity and expression to the non-discrimination policy a priority. I was so suprised and happy to hear that. Also, several of the board members were making bold statements about needing to take a stance against the impending state marriage amendment. That's just as cool.

I got an e-mail today about it, and there was a quote in it I want to post here. It just really makes me feel great. "What we thought would take five years, Jessica accomplished in an afternoon." I am so proud to have helped make a difference for all trans people going to public universities across the state.

In other news, today was the last day of classes. I got my speech done and now only have a little catch up work left. I have one last paper to write and turn in by Monday. It shouldn't be too bad by any means. Finally my stress is over with. I can relax for a little bit. This weekend will be so nice. I am going to sleep a LOT.

On another happy note, Audrey and I have been talking a lot. My crush on her has been the best crush I've ever had. I say that because for once I have very few expectations. I expect we'll remain good friends, if not close friends. I also expect it wont go beyond that. For some reason, I haven't gotten my hopes to sky rocket at all. That's wonderful. We've been talking a lot too. Yesterday we both pledged to make each other smile at least once a day. I think that's cool. She'll be back in town here in another week or so. I wont get to physically hang out again until January when I get back from home. It'll be fun though. I'm looking forward to it.

Well, that's all for now. I'll write more soon since school is lighter. Of course, it'll probably be so much more boring because of my lack of stuff to do. Oh well. Bye.

Luv,

Jess

Don't you love it when you type your entire entry, try to open a new browser window to check on something you wrote, close the window you thought was a new window only to discover your dumb computer just used the same window you were typing everything in? I am now typing this entry for the second time, which is disappointing because the first time was pretty good.

So anyway, it's that time of the year again, and I don't mean Christmas. It's time for the joys of writing as many papers and doing as many projects as humanly possible over the duration of about two weeks and then taking several large tests. Stress levels have been pretty high. I've noticed the tell tale signs of stress for me: restless sleep, change in pH levels in my mouth, and a huge desire to procrastonate. That last one may not be a sign of stress so much though. The nice thing is that the stress is dropping. I've gotten several of the papers done to the point that I'm almost completely caught up. Too bad I still have two more papers and two presentations yet to go before finals.

Still, sleep is getting easier and the canker sore has pretty much healed up. That's good considering I like sleep and I don't enjoy biting the side of my mouth all the time. In other health related news, Friday was the three week mark for labiaplasty. That means stitches are clear to come out. I was sick of getting poked all the time, so I tried to get some of them out. Unfortunately they haven't been too friendly on being removed. Lots of pain. With each day more of them work their way to the surface though. Eventually they'll all be gone or dissolved. That'll be nice.

Money is my greatest enemy right now though. I have a grand total of $14 to last me for the next two weeks. I have to do my laundry sometime soon. I have no money on my food card again. My car needs an oil change. I'm in need of deodorant and other miscellaneous toiletries. I owe the TV studio money for a t-shirt. I have a bill waiting to be paid. And on top of all that, I have no Christmas presents for my family or friends. That really sucks. Thankfully I get a raise at the help desk for next semester. The standard raise for student workers is 25 cents. However, I put a lot of effort into the job. Every semester I've worked there so far I've gotten more than the 25 cents. I'm expecting somewhere around 50 cents. It's not much, but it will help.

I had planned on applying for this fellowship program in New York City for the summer, but I missed the deadline by a day. I have all these projects and papers to thank for that. Of course, I could have filled out the application a month ago, but I put it off because I had stuff to do then too. I wish I had done it then, because now I'm so much more busy than I was. The good thing is that I can apply next year still. I have that one last chance...unless I go to grad school for communications too. I don't know if I will though.

I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this yet, but I have a permanent job possibility at the University. This fell in my lap the Monday before Thanksgiving. I've known this guy, Bruce, for a while. He works as the media specialist for one of the computer departments. I used him as a source for a speech I gave recently. That Monday he walked in and told me he's leaving the University in two weeks. That two weeks is up this Friday, December 10th. He then told me he had been passing my name around as someone who could replace him. That floored me.

I didn't really know how to handle that at first. I let it sink in, got some advice, and then felt honored. I usually think of myself as amateur or just still learning. I wouldn't put myself on par with Bruce or consider myself capable of being the Media Specialist. Regardless, after a few days of thought, I was leaning towards the idea. Friday of that week, I talked to another person in the department and she seemed all for it. She later advised me to apply. So, that's a good sign. I have allies. I'm going to apply when the job is posted. I'm still not sure I'm ready for it, but who knows what'll happen. I'm also not sure I want to stay here in this town. I really don't have to though. I think I'd like to work for a few years and then go to grad school after I have some things paid off. I'll keep you all informed on the developments.

Well, I should probably start doing research for the presentation this week and also start writing the paper I have to turn in tomorrow. I will write again soon. Bye everyone.

Luv,

Jess

Super Power

I have dreamt of having powers

super powers some might say

soaring through the sky

like a bird without wings

l have awakened from those dreams

wishing for the powers

like webs, strength, or flight

but they always say...

I have the power to not be seen

by many, if not all, that once could

a power beyond my control

but mine nonetheless

I have the plague of invisibility

my lonely eyes unseen

by the remedy for

the aching hole in my heart

I have dreamt of having powers

but this is reality

and they always say...

be careful what you wish for.