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Wow, what a fun week and a half. I've been all over the place. Last week was a short week of school. We had Friday off for "Fall Break". One day....incredible. I don't understand why it's called a break. We should at least get four days off for a break. That should be a law or something. Anyway, On Wednesday last week, I was officially and individually invited to a Halloween party about three hours away. So, Friday, after work, I headed out there.

Turns out, the party wasn't much of a party. It was more of a meeting with some people dressed up. It was definitely informative, but not really fun so much. I felt very out of place too. I was about 20 years younger than most of the people there. It was just awkward for me since I spend almost all of my time with 20-some year olds. That night, I ended up sleeping at one of the group member's homes. It was again, awkward. I didn't really relate to this person. She was nice, and very accomodating, but we just didn't connect. I also got the sense she doesn't have company over that often or get out much. But hey, I was grateful.

Saturday I drove out to a different town to visit some friends. Turns out they were having a party Saturday night. So I joined them. This time, it was a blast. We watched old cheezy horror films, like "Reanimator" with Jeffrey Combs. I slept there that night and had the company of a couple kitties. If I could, I would have taken Otto kitty home with me. He's so adorable. Plus, I want a kitty anyway. Too bad I can't have that one. Saturday night just rocked over all though. I'm really glad I got to go.

Sunday I basically spent most of in the car. I drove all the way back home, which was about four hours. It wasn't so exciting.

Monday rolled around and it was definitely a strange day. I wasn't exhausted like I usually am, since I got over 2 hours of sleep that night. All day I was alert and didn't fall asleep in class. The most amazing part is that when I got home, and after I ate....I did homework! Can you believe it. I actually got all my homework done for the next day. I haven't done that since my first week of classes. Then, I got 8 hours of sleep for Tuesday! Two completely odd events happening in the same night. Weird.

Tuesday was great. All my classes were fine, but it was the LGBT meeting that was the best. It was lesbian film night. We watched "Better than Chocolate" which was very cute. There was a hot redhead in it. Anyway, we had a lot of laughs, as usual. I also learned that one of the officers positions will be open in the Spring. I'm really thinking of running. I think it'd be a cool opportunity. On top of that, there was this new girl there. She introduced herself to me, and I was quite surprised by that. She's a cutie.

After the movie, we all went out to Perkins again. I have a car, so I drove people. She was one of the people I drove. It's the "after meeting" party that we usually have now. Well, this girl sat across from me at the table. We joked and talked all night. She seemed like she was really enjoying herself. I suppose though, I also had the benefit of having the most annoying person sitting to her right as well. So I probably was incredibly intruiging then. But anyway, when it came time to head back home, we all headed to the cars again. Funny though, the other two people I was taking besides her seemed to "coincidentally" find other rides. So it was just her and me in the car. We chatted the whole way home while I contemplated giving her my number. When we got to her place, I suggested she come with the LGBT people to our Halloween party on Friday. She almost turned me down. She told me she had talked to her friends about going to the gay bar in town, but wants to go with us too. She then asked me for my number...which totally saved me the trouble of giving it out. So yeah, I'm still waiting for a call. I really hope it comes too. We will see.

Today was nothing special, just went really quickly. I wont get into detail cause yesterday was so much cooler. So yeah, I have to see my endocrinologist tomorrow morning. She's going to take measurements. So, if I haven't seen any real development, we have to discuss options. I'm kind of worried. I'll write something tomorrow about it. Hopefully I can write about a phone call as well. Alright then, off to bed. G'night.

Luv,

Jessica

Wow, I've been lazy. It's been a week now, but I suppose that's expected when my computer is broken. As of Friday I finally got new parts and it's up and running. Though, it is running a bit warm. I can't put the side of the case back on unless I want the processor to melt. I'm trying to figure out how to fix that right now. It may be a while before it's back to 100%.

OK so back to about a week ago. The presentation to the LGBT went wonderfully. Everyone seemed to really enjoy what I had to say and asked a lot of questions. Overall, it was a good time. We had a lot of laughs. Afterwards we all went to the local Perkins for food. It was a big long table of around 15 of us. We were there until midnight. It was then that I really started bonding with more people in the group. As a direct result of that, I hung out with some of them on a non-LGBT night too. That was fun as well.

As far as the girl that I gave my number to goes, she didn't show. She told me she was going to be there and bring some of her friends along, but she didn't. Everytime someone walked into the meeting that night, I turned to look to see if it was her. Apparently she's not really all that interested I guess. After that night though, I learned that she's not really all that quality of a person anyway. She looks at lesbianism as a novelty. Some of the people there question whether she even is gay at all. So I'm thinking she's not worth the trouble. I'll still do the speaking thing she asked me to. That's totally cool. I'm actually excited about it, but no thanks on the relationship.

Wednesday morning, one of the people from the LGBT...the only one I don't like...came and sat down at my table where I was studying and eating my breakfast. She then proceeded to comment on my presentation in a very confusing manner. I really wasn't exactly sure what she was trying to say to me, but I was sure she wasn't at all positive. She basically attacked me with her close mindedness. I felt like I was being attacked by a Christian, even though she wasn't. It was very annoying to say the least. I was happy when a really cool friend of mine came over and sat down too, then proceeded to take over the conversation. She knew I wasn't so happy about bitchy lady. I told several members of the LGBT what happened, and now they all don't like her either. Not that they liked her before or anything. It's just more official now. It's good to know I have people backing me up on things like this.

The one thing I noticed about having no computer, I got lots of sleep. It was very nice. I felt very prepared for my days and well rested. That stupid computer of mine wasn't there to keep me awake. I'll need to find a way to work around that problem of it keeping me up somehow. I ended up having to spent about $150 thus far to fix it. I think I'll need to spend a little more though. I'm not sure what yet.

This weekend was interesting. For once I went out and had fun on a Saturday night. Unfortunately I stayed up way too late talking with those friends though. I didn't get to sleep until 7:00 am on Sunday morning. I slept until 3:30 and because of it, got no sleep practically last night. I went to bed at 3:00 wide awake. It took a while to fall asleep. I think I got around 2 hours. I don't feel all that bad though. I guess I'm not complaining that much. Well, I think I better get back to work though. I've been writing this the whole time I've been at my job for the past two hours. I love getting paid for doing whatever. I'll write soon. Bye.

Luv,

Jessica

This weekend sucked. Whoa....deja vu....yeah, anyway, as I suspected it was frustrating having my parents staying at my apartment this past weekend. My little sister tagged along too. I got some food out of it, and I guess a little bit of fun. But mainly it was just a lot of stress for me. Almost my whole family in my single person apartment. It was just too much. My sister spent almost the entire time on her computer, forgetting that others may have a need for it aside from checking their e-mail and playing Spider Solitaire. And my Dad just turned on football and watched that all night. I only watch football when I have to. Breakfast the next morning was excellent. I will admit that. My mother brought a waffle iron along. Homemade waffles are the best. However, I think the worst part of the weekend was the insulting of one of my better friends for selling my sister a crappy computer. I know he didn't intend it, and I know what was inside and what was wrong. They, however, don't listen to reason. And they called me cruel this summer for being upset with my other friend. We ended the visit with a fight. My little sister wasn't extremely gracious that I fixed her computer at all. Just wonderful.

I did manage to get my student loan application finished and processed while my parents were there. That was important. I needed them there to cosign for me. So, that got mailed today. Hopefully in a couple weeks I should be actually ok moneywise. That'll be nice. I'm planning on two important things. First, pay off one credit card. Two, pay for rent early, and three, start body electrolysis. I've been wanting to do that for a while now.

Well, tomorrow is the day I speak at the LGBT meeting on campus. I e-mailed the president last week with my schedule and stuff, and he e-mailed back with an offer to do it on Tuesday. So I figured, sure...what the hell. I forgot I haven't done this speech in a while and need to brush up a little. So, here I am in the computer lab reading through my stuff. Most of it I remember, it's just the minute details that I need to clear up again. If only my computer didn't break....ug. Speaking of which, I should have a computer running again by the end of the week. Some of my parts should be here by Wednesday. The rest I'm not sure on. Hopefully they all work and I wont have issues again. THAT would suck.

On a different note, I read Lauren's letter and it reminded me a lot of what I felt for a while on my ex. I got so attached and couldn't let go. Finally this summer, when I found out she was engaged, and then this semester finding out she's married already, that closed the door finally. I didn't have to let go the same way, but the same feelings Lauren had hold true. I held on to that memory of her, just hoping she would come back to me. Or maybe I'd get to spend a few more days or weeks with her. And then it was, maybe I'll get to just see her once more. Even with that small wish in mind, I clung on. I think when the door slammed closed this summer, I let go, fell about six feet before I landed and realized that it wasn't all that hard letting go. I kinda wish I had done it a while ago. Too bad.

Anyway, I really should get back home and back to studying for my piano quiz tomorrow. I already know I'm going to suck it up really bad on it. I hate those quizzes more than any other test. It's the only one I get nervous for anymore. I'll write about the speech tomorrow if I can, otherwise I'll write sometime soon. Good night all.

Luv,

Jessica

OK...I'm going to make sure I get enough sleep in the coming weeks. Today, I had the worst headache and felt like I wanted to puke. I never get headaches. I actually skipped a class today to get some sleep because I felt so sick. Maybe I am actually getting sick...who knows. But yeah, no more late nights and early mornings for me. I don't want to be in that state all the time. I was no fun at work because of it. Class sucked too. That's why I just went home and slept. I ace the tests in the class I missed anyway. I'm sure the professor has lost no faith in my ability.

I'm not very excited to have my parents stay here tomorrow. It'll be interesting. I spent my entire Friday night here cleaning my apartment so that it looks and smells nice when they get here. They're coming to see the half-time show that I'm in with the marching band. My little sister is visiting from her college too. I guess it'll be ok. She's going to be taking her computer back to school with her though, which means I wont have one anymore after tomorrow. That's good though, because I have a paper due Monday that I'll need to write on Sunday. Not having a computer here will force me into the computer lab and actually work on it. If I were here at home, I'd be distracted by everything. I'm so busy this week too. I'm speaking for the LGBT meeting this tuesday, and I'll need to prepare for that. I'll write my entries when I'm at work or in the computer labs.

You know what would figure? Tomorrow night I'll get a call from the girl I gave my number to last night at the Coming Out day rally. And I'll have to tell her no cause I'm housing my parents for the weekend. I sure hope that doesn't happen. I'd be so disappointed. Anyway, yeah...on to that sleep thing I said I was going to get. Good night all.

Luv,

Jessica

Tonight was an AWESOME night....well most of it at least. I went to the rally on the campus mall for National Coming Out day. There were a lot of speakers there, and a lot of cool people. I listened to a bunch of them give talks about the organization and about coming out. Then they opened the podium up for people to tell their stories about their times coming out. Several people spoke and then I just decided to go up and talk to. I had a lot of fun. I seem to really enjoy speaking to people like that.

I told them my story and got applause and stuff. I didn't think much of it until the rally was over. Four or five people came up to me at the end and were asking a bunch of questions and giving me compliments. I got a lot of "thank you for speaking." So it was a total ego booster. Oh yeah, and the very open Lesbian in the group came over and gave me a big hug, which I was surprised about but enjoyed nonetheless. The one part of the rally that really surprised me was a friend I work with got up and spoke. She said she was an ally (We're the LGBTSA, SA for Straight Alliance) and wanted to thank the people in the group that have influenced her thoughts and her life over the years that she's been at this school. She thanked me personally. It was very touching. I wanted to give her a big hug, but never got to. I'll do it at the next meeting at my job.

After the rally, I got to talking with the lesbian girl and her friends. We were having a good chat. She asked me to give a presentation and workshop at this event coming up. It's a two day event too. I agreed to do it. I'm actually pretty darn excited about it. After that she suggested that I hang out with her and the girls sometime. When I suggested that she let me know when they do stuff, she asked for my number. So I gave it to her. When I did, I was like, "Enter it in as 'Hot Girl'." I totally meant it as a joke, but she was like "Okay" and did it. So, I'm totally pumped and excited. This could lead to very good things.

On the boring side of things, I ordered my new parts totaling about a hundred bucks. I also started the application process for the alternative student loan. It's a pain in the butt. I hope I get it too. Digressing though, I'll be sure to write more on the developments with the girls. I can't wait to have something to write about. Yay. OK, bedtime...good night all.

Luv,

Jessica