Well, I guess there's no more stress for me from the LGBT anymore. I am no longer on the exec board. I lost the presidency by one vote. It was a huge shock. I still can't believe there was a majority that picked the other person. I feel hurt, insulted, and angry right now. I put so much effort into keeping the group together this semester. When the president faultered, I picked up all the slack. I took care of meeting agendas, mass e-mails, the website, getting an organizational e-mail address, working with committees, and even coordinating some events. I worked my butt off. That group was so important to me. Now I know my efforts weren't appreciated. I feel as if it's all been thrown in my face. It hurts.

The person who won has major higiene problems. People literally get up and move during meetings if they are too close. He frequently acts like a five year old to the point that people are annoyed. He's disorganized. He didn't even answer the questions he was given prior to voting. He didn't make a speech either. And this guy is apparently who most people want running the organization. I'm now questioning whether I even want to get involved at all next year. Maybe I'll just stick to some other campus organization. I might be more appreciated there. I'm going to go cry for a while. See ya.

Luv,

Jess

Today an article was published in the school paper. It was the article I was interviewed for several weeks ago. The article is huge. It takes up the whole entire back page. It turned out wonderful. I have gotten several e-mails of congratulations and thank yous. It just makes me feel great to know I'm touching more and more people.

Here's the cool news that goes along with it. This morning I got an e-mail from the advisor to the school paper who also is a professor in print journalism. He said the article was one of the best he's ever read in college journalism. He asked for my permission to enter the article into the National Hearst competition as well as several more local ones. I of course said yes. Alison, the girl who wrote the article, deserves the recognition for what she wrote. It's impressive to say the least. I hope she wins.

Tonight is also the LGBT elections. I'll find out tonight if I'm the new president of the organization. I think it'll go well. I'm really more excited for the phone call from Steph though. I have been looking forward to talking to her again for a while....very impatiently. I'm terrible with that. I'll write about how that goes tomorrow. Anyway, I have fifteen more minutes of work, then it's off to do my laundry. See ya.

Luv,

Jess

I went to see "Big Fish" last night at the budget theater. What a great movie. I cried like a baby. It's such a sad film, but I'm so glad I saw it. It was weird hearing Ewan McGregor with a southern accent. It kind of made me think of my marching instructor. Almost the same accent. Anyway, the film was great. I highly recommend it.

Yesterday was a lot better than Monday. Lisa and I sat down and talked about everything that was bothering us, and it went very well. Lisa and I seem to get along really well. I had fun talking to her. I think in many ways we have similar mindsets. We seem to agree on a lot of things. There are a few clashing personality traits, but I don't mind. We're all different.

I am so impatient. I called Steph last night. She was there and seemed surprised in a good way to hear from me. Turns out she actually is still busy. She's moving out as we speak. So I didn't talk with her for more than a couple minutes. She's going to call me on Thursday. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I hung up. I need to learn some patience when it comes to relationships. Even so, after learning that and also talking with Lisa, I was back in great spirits. Let's hope it stays that way for now. I need to get back to work though. I'll write soon.

Luv,

Jess

Today sucked....all around. It started with me waking up late and literally having to run to work to get there on time. I hate that feeling. The whole day started on the wrong foot. Had to miss breakfast entirely. I like food, so that's not a good thing. After that, things just kept going downhill.

I got to work just slightly late...which surprisingly was ok. My boss didn't yell at me. That's rare, so I just went with it. I was sweating and breathing rather heavily, so maybe he understood. After that it was right to the phones. In between calls, I came here and checked the comments on my entry. The first was rather accusatory. I immediately went on the defensive obviously and commented back. Then I got another comment....which sprouted off into a huge offline debate. It was really frustrating and emotionally stressful.

I guess I'm just sick of having to defend my emotions or what I wrote. This diary is for me to vent and express how I feel about things. I didn't judge anyone, I just merely expressed my displeasure with an attitude/behavior issue. I totally felt attacked. In a way, I felt like I was being accused of being a hipocrite. After the multiple e-mails between my friend and I, I learned that in much of what I said, they agreed with me. So, I felt a lot better, but still, I should have to. This is not what I needed right now by any means. Her and I will discuss those issues tomorrow, so we'll see how it goes.

After all that, I just tried to keep my mind off things and watch some TV. I don't do that all that often, and it helped for that short time. Afterwards though, I kept thinking that I haven't heard from Steph since last Monday night and still haven't heard from her. I keep trying to tell myself that she's busy with moving and stuff, but there's this part of me that just says nothing is going to happen. That's what usually happens to me. I'm going to call tomorrow, but after that I'm not sure.

So with all that crap, I was just in a terrible mood tonight. Eventually I cried. I needed it. I couldn't keep all that frustration pent up anymore. Leslie and I hung out just to talk and keep both of our minds off of our emotions. It helped. We were both in a philisophical mood. It was a great time. I love having friends to lean on.

I should probably get some sleep since I don't want to wake up late again tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will be a lot better than today. Wish me luck. G'night.

Luv,

Jess

For once I don't feel like a failure as a leader. Last night's dance went very well. People in the organization were saying it was the best Alternative Prom we've ever had. I feel so proud. There were a lot of kids there from the local high schools. Everyone stayed until 11:00 even. What really impressed me is the amount of people from the organization that came to help. Everyone came to help. It never would have happened like it did without them.

There was only one person I wasn't happy with....Paula. She is a trans person that hasn't decided whether she wants to transition...or something. We're all not really sure what her plans are. Most of us don't think of her as male or female, just as Paula. I'm not even sure if female pronouns should be used or not. She's not the type of person to really ask either. She is just a bitch...overall. She was drunk, for one...which really didn't go over well with me. We're around kids. She was being rude, insensitive, and downright innappropriate. She literally grabbed Leslie's chest. She told Leslie's girl that Les has slept with everyone in the organization. Leslie was hurt. Then later she claimed she didn't.She told me that the one thing I don't get about being a woman is that women smile. She doesn't realize that when she's around I don't smile. If she could see me any other time, I smile a lot. When she said that, I went off on her and yelled at her for her behavior. She blew me off.

We almost kicked her out for her antics. She's running for a position in the LGBT and I'm strongly considering rescinding that nomination. We can't have someone who's going to be rude and such, which she very much so is even when she's not drunk, representing our organization. I'm going to discuss it with the other exec staff members first. We'll see how this unfolds. Aside from that, the dance went perfect. I even got hit on by a 16 year old. She went as far as kissing my hand. It was so cute. She probably had no clue I'm 7 years older than her.

Leslie and I are probably on better terms than we ever have been. When I yelled at Paula, I specifically stood up for Leslie. She really appreciated that. Paula went looking for Les, and I sent her off in the wrong direction at one point. Also, I made sure Leslie introduced me to her girlfriend. I think that was the most important part of it. She thanked me repeatedly. I was just happy that I could make her feel better and that the fighting stopped. I think our friendship is fully healed now. That makes me very happy.

I took a lot of pictures and sometime soon I will post them. I have a lot of work to do yet in the coming two weeks. Once finals are over with, I'm going to do an overhaul on the site. Wait and see what's in store for it. Alright, I am off. Have a great Mother's day.

Luv,

Jess