Yesterday was your pretty average day. You know...driving, school, meetings, getting the state university system to add gender identity and expression to their non discrimination policy... Your average stuff. Yeah, I'm amazed too.

I participated in a panel of students yesterday that went before the governing body of people for the entire University system of the state. The emphasis was on the Inclusivity Initiative that's being implemented. Basically what the initiative is designed to do is to further integrate and promote GLBT students in the system (like with curriculum infusion, creating safe spaces, Domestic Partnership benefits, etc). The panel itself focused on student experiences being GLBT on campus.

I talked about the difficulties of getting a job and finding appropriate bathrooms to use during my early transition. It really seemed to have an impact. When they heard that the system and state don't offer trans people any protections at all, they were really surprised. At the committee meeting afterwards, they decided to make adding gender identity and expression to the non-discrimination policy a priority. I was so suprised and happy to hear that. Also, several of the board members were making bold statements about needing to take a stance against the impending state marriage amendment. That's just as cool.

I got an e-mail today about it, and there was a quote in it I want to post here. It just really makes me feel great. "What we thought would take five years, Jessica accomplished in an afternoon." I am so proud to have helped make a difference for all trans people going to public universities across the state.

In other news, today was the last day of classes. I got my speech done and now only have a little catch up work left. I have one last paper to write and turn in by Monday. It shouldn't be too bad by any means. Finally my stress is over with. I can relax for a little bit. This weekend will be so nice. I am going to sleep a LOT.

On another happy note, Audrey and I have been talking a lot. My crush on her has been the best crush I've ever had. I say that because for once I have very few expectations. I expect we'll remain good friends, if not close friends. I also expect it wont go beyond that. For some reason, I haven't gotten my hopes to sky rocket at all. That's wonderful. We've been talking a lot too. Yesterday we both pledged to make each other smile at least once a day. I think that's cool. She'll be back in town here in another week or so. I wont get to physically hang out again until January when I get back from home. It'll be fun though. I'm looking forward to it.

Well, that's all for now. I'll write more soon since school is lighter. Of course, it'll probably be so much more boring because of my lack of stuff to do. Oh well. Bye.

Luv,

Jess

Don't you love it when you type your entire entry, try to open a new browser window to check on something you wrote, close the window you thought was a new window only to discover your dumb computer just used the same window you were typing everything in? I am now typing this entry for the second time, which is disappointing because the first time was pretty good.

So anyway, it's that time of the year again, and I don't mean Christmas. It's time for the joys of writing as many papers and doing as many projects as humanly possible over the duration of about two weeks and then taking several large tests. Stress levels have been pretty high. I've noticed the tell tale signs of stress for me: restless sleep, change in pH levels in my mouth, and a huge desire to procrastonate. That last one may not be a sign of stress so much though. The nice thing is that the stress is dropping. I've gotten several of the papers done to the point that I'm almost completely caught up. Too bad I still have two more papers and two presentations yet to go before finals.

Still, sleep is getting easier and the canker sore has pretty much healed up. That's good considering I like sleep and I don't enjoy biting the side of my mouth all the time. In other health related news, Friday was the three week mark for labiaplasty. That means stitches are clear to come out. I was sick of getting poked all the time, so I tried to get some of them out. Unfortunately they haven't been too friendly on being removed. Lots of pain. With each day more of them work their way to the surface though. Eventually they'll all be gone or dissolved. That'll be nice.

Money is my greatest enemy right now though. I have a grand total of $14 to last me for the next two weeks. I have to do my laundry sometime soon. I have no money on my food card again. My car needs an oil change. I'm in need of deodorant and other miscellaneous toiletries. I owe the TV studio money for a t-shirt. I have a bill waiting to be paid. And on top of all that, I have no Christmas presents for my family or friends. That really sucks. Thankfully I get a raise at the help desk for next semester. The standard raise for student workers is 25 cents. However, I put a lot of effort into the job. Every semester I've worked there so far I've gotten more than the 25 cents. I'm expecting somewhere around 50 cents. It's not much, but it will help.

I had planned on applying for this fellowship program in New York City for the summer, but I missed the deadline by a day. I have all these projects and papers to thank for that. Of course, I could have filled out the application a month ago, but I put it off because I had stuff to do then too. I wish I had done it then, because now I'm so much more busy than I was. The good thing is that I can apply next year still. I have that one last chance...unless I go to grad school for communications too. I don't know if I will though.

I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this yet, but I have a permanent job possibility at the University. This fell in my lap the Monday before Thanksgiving. I've known this guy, Bruce, for a while. He works as the media specialist for one of the computer departments. I used him as a source for a speech I gave recently. That Monday he walked in and told me he's leaving the University in two weeks. That two weeks is up this Friday, December 10th. He then told me he had been passing my name around as someone who could replace him. That floored me.

I didn't really know how to handle that at first. I let it sink in, got some advice, and then felt honored. I usually think of myself as amateur or just still learning. I wouldn't put myself on par with Bruce or consider myself capable of being the Media Specialist. Regardless, after a few days of thought, I was leaning towards the idea. Friday of that week, I talked to another person in the department and she seemed all for it. She later advised me to apply. So, that's a good sign. I have allies. I'm going to apply when the job is posted. I'm still not sure I'm ready for it, but who knows what'll happen. I'm also not sure I want to stay here in this town. I really don't have to though. I think I'd like to work for a few years and then go to grad school after I have some things paid off. I'll keep you all informed on the developments.

Well, I should probably start doing research for the presentation this week and also start writing the paper I have to turn in tomorrow. I will write again soon. Bye everyone.

Luv,

Jess

I have dreamt of having powers

super powers some might say

soaring through the sky

like a bird without wings

l have awakened from those dreams

wishing for the powers

like webs, strength, or flight

but they always say...

I have the power to not be seen

by many, if not all, that once could

a power beyond my control

but mine nonetheless

I have the plague of invisibility

my lonely eyes unseen

by the remedy for

the aching hole in my heart

I have dreamt of having powers

but this is reality

and they always say...

be careful what you wish for.

I've already broken the "buy nothing day" vow. I bought a soda and a candy bar. What can I say? I needed the caffiene. I'm so tired right now. The drive home last night was a bit much for me. I ended up getting five hours of sleep. Not so happy about that. Sleep is a good thing. Especially enough sleep.

Thanksgiving for me wasn't too bad. It was at my aunt's house. A lot of family was there. My little sister didn't have her boyfriend there, which meant I wasn't the only person alone again. Thank God. For once a family holiday wasn't depressing. I got to talk to several of my cousins and share some advice about classes and such. It was good to see some of them. I hadn't seen one or two of them in years.

The food ended up being several hours late. The turkey wasn't ready when it said it was supposed to be. Regardless, it was good. For me it was pushing it though. I had to leave by 7:00. Food was served at 6:15ish. So, despite the relaxing time before dinner, I still felt like I had to eat and run. The triptophan set in on my drive home too. I had to stop and get some coffee to make it back safely. I know my sleepy limits though. So that's good. I know exactly when it's time to stop.

I'd have to say that the best part of this holiday was the normalcy. For once it wasn't uncomfortable. People were just accepting and considered me to be normal Jessica. That makes me happy. There were a few male pronouns used, but I purposely "didn't hear" them. I'm thinking that will get slowly better with time. My parents have it down now. So at least that's good.

Today was a fairly dull day though. I worked from 7:45 in the morning to 4:30 in the afternoon. I made my first large mistake since I started working in IT. I was going through a complicated process to restore some old e-mails through outlook and inadvertantly deleted the person's inbox. Complete accident. Hopefully he can get his e-mails back through our backup system. I don't have any control about that. Still, I feel like a cigarrette butt in someone's pocket. And with that, i'm going to end this wonderful post. Have a wonderful day.

Luv,

Jess

So....geez I don't even remember the last time I posted. Ahh yes, November 13th. Well, things have happened since then....obviously. This past week was a week of hell to beat all weeks of hell. I had so much to do that I'm still not done with it all. I have an exam that was due a week ago this past friday that I haven't yet turned in. Don't worry, she knows my situation and will allow me to turn it in the Monday after Thanksgiving.

This week was a lot easier. It gave me a little room to breathe, which was nice. I have been getting decent sleep and also have gotten to all my appointments (classes, work, etc). Today I don't have to work as late as I thought I was going to have to because of Thanksgiving tomorrow. The helpdesk closes at 5:00. So I lose two hours today. That's ok because I volunteered to work on Friday all day. I'm all set there. I'm going to use that whole time to write my exam papers. Then the weekend is free.

Last week, I had a speech, a 2 hour program at the TV studio, another production to work at the studio as well, a program to give on Thursday as well as a booth to run for several hours. I also had two exam papers on my head and a conference to go to over the weekend that I was giving a program at. So I had a lot of stress last week. Amazingly, I got everything done except for the papers. One big success was the two hour production. For once, there was only one snag with the production and it got fixed fairly quickly. The big issue was making sure every room was shot and edited. I had delegated out the 10 rooms to the eight staff members in my department as well as myself. I wasn't sure if they would all get done because I wasn't sure I could depend on everyone. I apparently can. Every room was done and done well. I was so proud of my department. They really kicked ass and made everything work.

I have also asked several of my department members how I'm doing as the department manager. So far I've been told that I'm doing a pretty darn good job. That's good to know. I was worried I was pushing them too hard with the last month we had. Or perhaps that I wasn't offering enough help. Bill, especially, said I was doing an excellent job. He's been in production for a while. That made me happy.

This weekend was the women's leadership conference at a college across the state. I'd been looking forward to it all semester since last year's conference was so cool. They planned ahead for my workshop this year and gave me a whole lecture hall. That made things much easier for me. There were about 60 people in my workshop and it was probably one of the best deliveries I've had. The group was very responsive. They also laughed at my jokes, which made me feel great, thus, making my delivery better. So, I was quite happy with it. I got great questions, particularly about transgender sexuality. People seemed very interested in that. Several times throughout the day people randomly told me that my workshop was great. I was in a great mood all day because of that.

There were four keynote speakers throughout the conference. I saw all of them. With each speaker, I felt more motivated, more activist, and more feminist. I was amazed to hear just about every one of the speakers mention transgender and how we as feminists should support it. That made me very happy. I made sure to give the speakers my card. Networking is a good thing.

The only really bad part of the weekend at the conference was the hotel. We were in a Days Inn, and my friend Emilie and I were rooming together. Friday night I walked into the bathroom and there was a nasty brown thing crawling across the counter. Yes, that's right...cockroaches. Apparently it was just our room, but still....nasty. We complained and it was "taken care of". We didn't see anymore after Friday night. If I had been paying for the room, I'd have been more of a bitch about it. We still had half of the room price dropped at least. Aside from that, though, the weekend was pretty cool. I learned a lot and really made some great strides mentally as a feminist.

Last week was the end of GenderFest on campus. On Thursday I gave a program and sat at the "Ask a Transsexual Anything" booth for two and a half hours. It was fun. I got some really great questions. Most people just walked past looking a little uncomfortable. Some even had a look of contempt. I didn't care though, I got enough good attention that I felt it was a success. The program only had two people in it, which was ok. I would have liked more though. It's just so hard to get people involved with anything here.

Well, I think it's just about time for me to get ready to go home. I will likely think of more to write, but I don't really have time right now. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I have to drive home yet tonight. So, I will let you all know how my Thanksgiving went on Friday. I'm sure being at home among all the couples will make me feel so happy...Talk to you all then. Bye.

Luv,
Jess