Posted on November 29th 2004, 11:36 pm
I have dreamt of having powers
super powers some might say
soaring through the sky
like a bird without wings
l have awakened from those dreams
wishing for the powers
like webs, strength, or flight
but they always say...
I have the power to not be seen
by many, if not all, that once could
a power beyond my control
but mine nonetheless
I have the plague of invisibility
my lonely eyes unseen
by the remedy for
the aching hole in my heart
I have dreamt of having powers
but this is reality
and they always say...
be careful what you wish for.
Posted on November 26th 2004, 9:52 pm
I've already broken the "buy nothing day" vow. I bought a soda and a candy bar. What can I say? I needed the caffiene. I'm so tired right now. The drive home last night was a bit much for me. I ended up getting five hours of sleep. Not so happy about that. Sleep is a good thing. Especially enough sleep.
Thanksgiving for me wasn't too bad. It was at my aunt's house. A lot of family was there. My little sister didn't have her boyfriend there, which meant I wasn't the only person alone again. Thank God. For once a family holiday wasn't depressing. I got to talk to several of my cousins and share some advice about classes and such. It was good to see some of them. I hadn't seen one or two of them in years.
The food ended up being several hours late. The turkey wasn't ready when it said it was supposed to be. Regardless, it was good. For me it was pushing it though. I had to leave by 7:00. Food was served at 6:15ish. So, despite the relaxing time before dinner, I still felt like I had to eat and run. The triptophan set in on my drive home too. I had to stop and get some coffee to make it back safely. I know my sleepy limits though. So that's good. I know exactly when it's time to stop.
I'd have to say that the best part of this holiday was the normalcy. For once it wasn't uncomfortable. People were just accepting and considered me to be normal Jessica. That makes me happy. There were a few male pronouns used, but I purposely "didn't hear" them. I'm thinking that will get slowly better with time. My parents have it down now. So at least that's good.
Today was a fairly dull day though. I worked from 7:45 in the morning to 4:30 in the afternoon. I made my first large mistake since I started working in IT. I was going through a complicated process to restore some old e-mails through outlook and inadvertantly deleted the person's inbox. Complete accident. Hopefully he can get his e-mails back through our backup system. I don't have any control about that. Still, I feel like a cigarrette butt in someone's pocket. And with that, i'm going to end this wonderful post. Have a wonderful day.
Posted on November 25th 2004, 12:03 am
So....geez I don't even remember the last time I posted. Ahh yes, November 13th. Well, things have happened since then....obviously. This past week was a week of hell to beat all weeks of hell. I had so much to do that I'm still not done with it all. I have an exam that was due a week ago this past friday that I haven't yet turned in. Don't worry, she knows my situation and will allow me to turn it in the Monday after Thanksgiving.
This week was a lot easier. It gave me a little room to breathe, which was nice. I have been getting decent sleep and also have gotten to all my appointments (classes, work, etc). Today I don't have to work as late as I thought I was going to have to because of Thanksgiving tomorrow. The helpdesk closes at 5:00. So I lose two hours today. That's ok because I volunteered to work on Friday all day. I'm all set there. I'm going to use that whole time to write my exam papers. Then the weekend is free.
Last week, I had a speech, a 2 hour program at the TV studio, another production to work at the studio as well, a program to give on Thursday as well as a booth to run for several hours. I also had two exam papers on my head and a conference to go to over the weekend that I was giving a program at. So I had a lot of stress last week. Amazingly, I got everything done except for the papers. One big success was the two hour production. For once, there was only one snag with the production and it got fixed fairly quickly. The big issue was making sure every room was shot and edited. I had delegated out the 10 rooms to the eight staff members in my department as well as myself. I wasn't sure if they would all get done because I wasn't sure I could depend on everyone. I apparently can. Every room was done and done well. I was so proud of my department. They really kicked ass and made everything work.
I have also asked several of my department members how I'm doing as the department manager. So far I've been told that I'm doing a pretty darn good job. That's good to know. I was worried I was pushing them too hard with the last month we had. Or perhaps that I wasn't offering enough help. Bill, especially, said I was doing an excellent job. He's been in production for a while. That made me happy.
This weekend was the women's leadership conference at a college across the state. I'd been looking forward to it all semester since last year's conference was so cool. They planned ahead for my workshop this year and gave me a whole lecture hall. That made things much easier for me. There were about 60 people in my workshop and it was probably one of the best deliveries I've had. The group was very responsive. They also laughed at my jokes, which made me feel great, thus, making my delivery better. So, I was quite happy with it. I got great questions, particularly about transgender sexuality. People seemed very interested in that. Several times throughout the day people randomly told me that my workshop was great. I was in a great mood all day because of that.
There were four keynote speakers throughout the conference. I saw all of them. With each speaker, I felt more motivated, more activist, and more feminist. I was amazed to hear just about every one of the speakers mention transgender and how we as feminists should support it. That made me very happy. I made sure to give the speakers my card. Networking is a good thing.
The only really bad part of the weekend at the conference was the hotel. We were in a Days Inn, and my friend Emilie and I were rooming together. Friday night I walked into the bathroom and there was a nasty brown thing crawling across the counter. Yes, that's right...cockroaches. Apparently it was just our room, but still....nasty. We complained and it was "taken care of". We didn't see anymore after Friday night. If I had been paying for the room, I'd have been more of a bitch about it. We still had half of the room price dropped at least. Aside from that, though, the weekend was pretty cool. I learned a lot and really made some great strides mentally as a feminist.
Last week was the end of GenderFest on campus. On Thursday I gave a program and sat at the "Ask a Transsexual Anything" booth for two and a half hours. It was fun. I got some really great questions. Most people just walked past looking a little uncomfortable. Some even had a look of contempt. I didn't care though, I got enough good attention that I felt it was a success. The program only had two people in it, which was ok. I would have liked more though. It's just so hard to get people involved with anything here.
Well, I think it's just about time for me to get ready to go home. I will likely think of more to write, but I don't really have time right now. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I have to drive home yet tonight. So, I will let you all know how my Thanksgiving went on Friday. I'm sure being at home among all the couples will make me feel so happy...Talk to you all then. Bye.
Posted on November 14th 2004, 5:14 am
I'll start with the most recent news and move backwards. So...today I spent most of the day recovering from surgery. Though, I did go out and shop with my mom and dad. I managed to get some presents for people while out. I'm pretty happy with what I found too. I hope Chris and my little sister like them. I also went clothes shopping with mom. We got some new, cute things for me since I've been in great need of clothing. It was fun and I even ran into a high school friend. That was cool.
Yesterday I spent mostly resting. Well, that is...after I got home from the Hospital. My dad and I left home at about 4:00 am so we would get to the hospital in time. I had to be there by 6:00. During the drive, we talked a lot. I figured I'd just fall asleep, but that didn't happen. It was a great Father - Daughter bonding moment. I liked it. When we got there, it went really smoothly. That was a surprise.
I checked in, and almost immediately I got called in for prep. They did the few tests they had to, and got the IV ready. At 7:30 I was put under and the surgery began. A few hours later I woke up. While I was still dizzy and groggy, they had me get dressed and walk out to meet with my surgeon so he could tell me how it went. He said "The surgery went well...no, scratch that. It went, very well. He then went to ask me some other questions, but I was so dizzy from the anesthesia that I couldn't really hear him. When he finished talking to me, I was pretty much sent on my way. My dad and I hopped in the car and headed home. This time I slept the whole way home.
I had the area on ice the whole day. The hospital had given me a nice reusable ice pack that worked very well. I had to crab walk when the ice was there and I had to get anything though. It looked like I was wearing a diaper. The pain was pretty minimal, and has been diminishing with time. I'm bleeding a little bit, but not compared to last time at all. Right now, the whole area is swollen and there are some bruises. My surgeon also said I can't have sex for six weeks. Darn, and you know...I had been planning it with my significant other that doesn't exist for a while. Looks like I'll just have to cancel. ;) But anyway, the whole thing went off without a hitch. I couldn't have asked for it to have gone better.
Jumping backwards here, Tuesday was GenderPAC day. I spent at least a month and a half planning this event with the commission of student senate I'm a part of. I've had this crazy idea of making my college a part of the Gender Youth network of GenderPAC. This required a training session on campus. That means we had to get money to fly someone from the organization here. I ended up having to present a bill to senate to get the money. It was a unanimous vote in favor. I was so proud.
So, when the training session happened, I figured there would be a bunch of people from senate there since they had talked it up at the general assembly. I was wrong. There were at most 15 people there. Now, there are good and bad sides to that. Bad...because there are 10,000 people on campus and we only got 15 of them to come. Good...because it was very condusive to discussion. It still went off well and the people who came were impressed and excited to see where this all was going. I, again, was proud. I hope the new coalition works out well.
Continued on extended section...
Moving back to last weekend, I came home to my parents house and brought my best college friend, Chris, with me. We had a good time. He got to meet one of my other best friends from college, Seth. Saturday Chris got to meet my family and even an uncle I rarely ever see. That was cool. After that, Chris and I had to go to his hometown to get fitted for a tux. He's standing up in a friend's wedding. While in that town, we met with some of his friends.
While we were visiting the bar he bartends for when he's home, they were preparing for a big drag show. One queen walked in bitching about how hard it is to be a woman. He then said something to the effect of "Women have no idea how hard it is. It takes a man to know how it is to be a real woman." He then turned to me and said "No offense" of which I responded with "None Taken" and smirked. The other queens in the room already knew and they were just laughing. It was a great moment.
Sunday I drove my sister to her school, and Chris and I went back to our school. When we got back, I had to go to several meetings at the TV station, then go chalk the campus mall. I ran into Chris later only to find out that I missed seeing the Northern Lights. That kinda bothered me. I never get to see them. I walked home, never looked up. After I got home, I went inside and started getting unpacked. I took the garbage out and just happened to see a cloud out of the corner of my eye. I looked up to discover it was a moving cloud. The northern lights were still going on. They were very active too. I'd never seen them dance like that. There were blues and greens. It was one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. I stood outside for a half hour just in awe at the sky. What a way to end a weekend.
On a completely unrelated note, I've been somewhat promoted at work. I now am in charge of the helpdesk website. I get an underling too. This should be fun. I get to learn new stuff along the way. On top of that, I've been put on the Mac team. I don't know a lot about Macintosh, but I'm more than happy to learn. This will all refect well on my raise at the end of the semester. I will likely and hopefully be making over $7 an hour, which is pretty good for a campus job.
This coming week will be pretty damn busy again. I have a take home exam to turn in, a speech to write, a two hour program to shoot and have edited by Thursday, be prepared to give another program on Thursday afternoon, and then again next weekend at a conference. After that, I will finally have a break for Thanksgiving weekend. That will be nice.
Ok, I think it's time for me to either A: go get some ice cream, or B: go to bed. I haven't decided yet. I have, however, decided that this post is entirely too long. So, to make a long story short...the end.
Posted on November 12th 2004, 5:06 am
I know...It's cheesy, but what can I say? I think it sounds like some sort of superhero powerup. Anyway, Sorry I haven't written lately. It's been a couple really full weeks. I will have time this weekend though. As for right now...I have about four hours before I have to get up. Labiaplasty is tomorrow morning. Wish me luck. I'll tell you all about it soon. G'night.