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So, since I actually haven't been able to write anything since December 8th, there's been a ton that went on. I actually finished up the semester at school quite well. I ended up with a 3.80. That's my best GPA yet. I'm very proud of that. I'm going to shoot for higher in this semester.

I didn't get to mention this much, but I had been seeing a girl kinda sorta for the last few weeks. Her name was Leslie. She's a nice girl. We hung out a lot during the last two weeks. It was nice to be close to someone again. Although, I learned that I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of dating anyone just yet. I thought I was. I thought it was even what I wanted, but it's not. I really did like cuddling and being close, but I'm just not comfortable with my body enough yet to be able to get closer than that. I feel good knowing this now. I'm ok with being single for a while longer.

I did have to tell her this though. That wasn't so easy, but it went well. I don't think I could have said it any better when I told her. She understood and took it very well. So we were still friends. Winter break rolled around and she headed back to her California home.

Late in December there was an earthquake in mid Cali, which, granted, is a rather large area. Still, I was worried about her, so I called. She was fine, but we ended up talking a lot. There were a lot of long conversations over the next few weeks, which were nice. I felt it strange though, that the more I got to know her, the more she just felt like a friend and less like a girlfriend. It was kind of a confirmation that I made the right decision to not date. Unfortunately though, these conversations seemed to be giving her the wrong idea. Oops. That I'll get to in a minute.

Break in itself wasn't all that fantastic. I spent the entire two first weeks in the projection booth at the movie theater. I started a ton of movies. Thankfully I know that job so well that I used the time inbetween shows to read a few books. I even worked Christmas day, New Years Eve night, and New Years day. I never do anything special on those days anyway, except Christmas morning. So it was no big deal. I couldn't wait to get back to school though. I was so sick of having to constantly correct my family's use of pronouns. I'm not a girl to my family, and I can feel that sentiment when I'm at home. I really don't enjoy it.

Finally the third week in, I came back up here. It was nice to be back, but that Monday and Wednesday was 3 hours of electrolysis both days. I took Tylenol PM both times and was just really out of it for the whole thing. That really helped with the pain. They were impressed that I was able to handle that much, but I did. I do what I have to. The rest of that week I spent playing Knights of the Old Republic. That kept me up to all hours of the night, but it was a ton of fun. I recommend it.

The last two weeks were training at work. I had a two week paid training camp for my campus job. It wasn't so bad, but half of the stuff I already knew. I even taught a few of the workshops. That's fine though, it was money. That was pretty much it for my break. I then started up school then. It's been really cold, and really busy since. I'll write more on that specifically later. I have to actually go do some work now. Bye.

Luv,

Jessica

I'm sitting here putting off doing my laundry, so I thought I'd write my first entry to the new diary section. Wow, it's been quite the two months. I've had such a pain in the butt with my web hosting that it's almost not worth getting into. I'm sure, though, that someone has to be wondering why the site was down for so long. Well, here's the story.

So, around December 8th...like maybe 2:30 in the afternoon, my former webhost decided to change some settings on his server. He didn't inform me that he was going to do this. For the technically oriented out there, the nameservers changed. The company changed as a whole. It changed from Rackshack.net to ev1servers.net. Wonderful idea I think. Change something important like that, but don't inform all the paying users.

I tried to contact the guy I normally do if I have a problem. He told me it was my DNS settings. Lehman's terms, that means the name TransLife.net wasn't set up correctly. It was pointing somewhere else. So yeah, I went in and changed it to what he told me to. It takes a few days for the change to filter through the internet. Waited...waited...waited....nothing happened. Site still down.

So I tried to contact the guy again, he blew me off telling me it was still my fault and the DNS was still wrong. So I tried changing it again to what was listed on the main hosting site. Waited again, nothing again. All in all, I probably did that four times with different settings each time taking up probably 3 weeks of the 2 months. Eventually I got sick of trying to contact that guy that I tried contacting the host directly. They didn't get back to me either. At this point I started looking for new hosting.

In my search I found one that was inexpensive and supported JAVA, since I just learned that language. I was going to write out my own stuff to use on the site. However, once I got the hosting, I learned very quickly that it wasnt worth my time. For those of you that are planning on making a website, DO NOT get windows based hosting. Total waste of money.

Through the help of a friend at work, I was directed to TotalChoiceHosting.com. I looked it over, and it looked wonderful. I eventually signed up for it, and it's been 400 times better than the other hosting I've had. I highly recommend them if you're in the market. The whole price of this website just went down, and it's capability went up. How's that for good stuff? So yeah, that's the story.

What did I learn from all this? Many things. One: Don't use windows based webhosting. Two: Ev1servers.net are not all that great. Three: Backup the website periodically. Four: Do research before starting into a project so as to avoid getting ripped off. I think in the end it was a good experience to have, however annoying. I don't expect the site will be down anytime in the near future, but if so, it definitely wont be for that long.

So yeah, sorry about the interruption. Tomorrow I will write about my actual life and such. K, time to go meet some friends. Bye.

Luv,

Jessica

THE WEBSITE IS FINALLY WORKING AGAIN!!!!! After over a month hiatus, TransLife is back up and running 100%. It's been hell, but it's fixed. Hopefully this is one of the last times I have problems this huge. I'll write an update later today on the whole thing. See ya.

Luv,

Jessica

So this past week was....interesting to say the least. Elections were held Tuesday night for the LGBT on campus. I was elected Vice President of the group. So now I have a ton of responsibility. I don't mind so much. I know I can handle it, but still, it's a bit intimidating. I'm glad I didn't get president though. That would have been too much. At least I have my experienced, good friend Chris as president to work with. That will make it a good time.

Wednesday was LGBT panels in the psych 100 classes. So, I got to do two of them, but they ran all day. For the most part, they all went really well. We got a lot of good questions, and the response was mostly positive. The only real negative one I experienced was in the last five minutes of the second panel I did. This one boy had a disgusted look on his face after we all had told our stories and answered questions. He asked us "So do you actually believethat what you're doing is moral?" Then, SNAP, we all went into defense mode. It was obvious that this boy wasn't listening to what we had to say throughout the panel, because he would have had is answer already if he had. His mind was so closed off. We weren't going to get through to him. However, we still defended ourselves and at least had an impact on the other fifty people in the room. We actually had several people come up and thank us for coming. That was impressive. I didn't expect them to do that. It didn't bother me that this person had their own opinion, it was the fact that the comment was so accusatory and so negative. It wasn't even a question really. It was more of just an insult. We had many people throughout the day question us about religion, but none were as harsh as this one person. Needless to say, most of us were upset about it. It bothered me throughout the rest of the day.

So, I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I've been kinda been getting to know this girl, Leslie, in the group. Over the past few weeks, we've been getting a little closer. Well this past week, we got very close. We saw each other everyday from Tuesday to Friday for some reason or another. We did a lot of things in groups and watched a lot of movies. It was fun. We cuddled a lot, which is something I missed quite a bit. I really have no idea what's going to happen between us though. It really seems that we are uncomfortable with each other. I'm not really sure exactly why yet, but I think I know why I am. I have certain things about my current body that make me very self conscious. Considering she's a lesbian, I wouldn't be surprised if she's uncomfortable with it too. I'm not really sure if I'm really ready to date just yet. We'll see. I'm in no hurry. Time to go. Class in five minutes. Bye.

Luv,

Jess

Wow, a post finally got a response from people. That's great. I never even gave thought to my phrases that I say like "I wanted to kick him" or such could be taken until reading that. When I say it in person, people understand I mean that it's just really frustrating. I'm not a violent person, but now I realize I need to stop using those words. In fact I feel incredibly stupid for not noticing before. So yeah, thanks for pointing that out.

It's very good to know other people's perspectives. Yes, gay in the dictionary does mean happy. However, the comment "That's gay" is always used negatively. I've never heard someone say "That's Gay" after getting an A on a paper or getting someone's number. So it's obvious they don't mean that definition. The phrase stemmed as a negative connotation to the gay community. And even though someone may not intend to mean "that's homosexual", it still passes on the negative use of that word, which most people attribute to the gay population. With that in mind, it's no surprise that a queer individual is going to be offended by it despite it's intent. Just be aware of that when you think about using that phrase the next time.

As far as calling someone mean...I don't think that makes me a hypocrite. People can easily be mean in this world, and my parents both frequently agree with me that my sisters are mean fairly often. I actually had a discussion about it with my mother that Saturday morning of Thanksgiving weekend after my sister made several insulting comments and then left. She definitely intended them as such as well. Trust me, my sister can be mean.

The whole blonde thing....the point of that comment was to suggest that there are phrases out there that she may have been called that could possibly have offended her in the same way. Now...stupid me forgot that she had only dyed her hair blonde a while ago...so I guess the comment doesn't even work for that point (Sorry Angela). But it's just another example of a phrase that can be used to offend another person, even if it's intended to be a joke. The way I phrased it didn't send that meaning across though, so I apologize for that.

I want to point out though, that the purpose of a diary is to get emotions out. I write in this thing so that I can vent some of the feelings I have. By putting this diary online, I am sharing with everyone how I feel and what I think. I'm very much open to criticism and such, so feel free to comment, but ultimately the purpose of this diary is for me. I am a nice person. Some have said I'm too nice, which can be a problem sometimes. I take a lot of shit from people during the day, and I don't let it show, if I can. So when I write on this, it's so I can get those frustrations out. I try really hard not to write things that can be taken the wrong way and such, but we're all capable of slipping up. And that's one of the purposes of these comments, to point out one of those mistakes. I'm very happy to see that people are commenting. It's a sign that some of these topics mean something to people. I'm hoping to see more of it. I'm not always going to write a commentary explaining myself, because I shouldn't have to.

Anyways, thanks to all the readers for the comments. Keep it up, it does help me to change to become a better person, and I hope it helps others too. I'm going to go eat lunch now, but I have a post about my life coming later tonight. So see ya soon.

Luv,

Jessica