Blog

It's been a hell of a two days. I've sat in front of this computer practically non-stop. The only things that pulled me away from it are food, sleep, bathroom/shower, and girlfriend. That being said, it's been worth it. The site looks amazing, and so far so good on functionality. I've seen a few glitches here and there, but I've fixed em as I've gone along. I'd say things are go for launch sometime soon. Again...by the time anyone reads this, the site will be up.

In other news, I did FINALLY get in touch with both places that I've had trouble getting in touch with. I have my internship interview on Monday at 9:00 am. It's going to be rather long. I'm going to do well though. I can just feel it. The other job, however, seems a bit out of my reach. It involves being the head producer of four realty shows. I suppose it's possible, but they did tell me there are a lot of good applicants. So at least I'm not worried about false hopes this time. That's a major plus.

I'm excited about Friday because it means some relax time. I'm visiting my best friend, Chris, at an indoor waterpark. Through his work, he can bring friends to this conference at a resort. So he asked me to come. Of course I will!! I need the happy time and the relax time. It'll be really nice.

I'm pretty tired so I think I'm going to head to bed. It's been a long day, and I will sleep well after all this computer work. Hopefully thoughts of code won't keep me awake again. See ya all later. G'night.

Luv,

Jess

Today has been hell. First off I should backtrack. I applied for an internship with a large company. I've already had a meeting with the head of the department. So he knows I've been persistent and interested. On Monday I got a call from HR to set up a formal interview. I was at work at the time and couldn't respond right away.

The woman called me at noon. I called back about 30 minutes later and got a voicemail. I repeatedly called back until her voicemail changed saying she was out of the office Monday afternoon and Tuesday. Talk about frustrating!! I left a message specifying that I called her back and would call again on Wednesday when she was back in. I left my name, and my number in case she wanted to call me.

Today I call her, and she asked if she could call me back after she pulled my file. That was around noon today. Guess what...it's almost 4:30 and she hasn't called me back. I sit here wondering if I should call again and risk being a pest, or if I should wait it out. Either way...it's driving me crazy.

That's story number 1. Story number 2 is that I applied for a job last week with a realty company doing video production for them.  Tuesday I got a call to discuss the company and the job details. I wasn't available at the time the phone call came, so I've been calling back like mad. I keep calling and getting voicemail. I've left a voicemail every day so far to be persistent. I'm going to continue until I get someone. My guess is that the woman that called me is out of the office too. Arrrrrrrggggg!!!!!! That's all I have to say. I've already screamed and stomped my feet from frustration at home. I don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

~Jess 

It may seem as if I've been neglecting translife for a while, and quite honestly...I'd have to say that's true. I've been pretty solidly focused on some other things right now. For example, job hunting is probably the biggest one. My social life has also taken more of a front seat instead of a back seat. Yeah that's right friends, Jessica has been having fun for a change.

 Honestly...I wish I could be moving faster, and I'm trying. I'm devoting time each week to getting this site updated. By the time you all read this, the new version will be up and running for everyone instead of just me. So um...hey ain't it cool? Doesn't it look and function nicely? I think so. Heck...I'm already using it. Why wouldn't I think it's cool. It only took me about 8 or 9 months to finally find something that would do what I needed. I'm very proud of the changes. I hope you all like them.

On another note, I feel bad. Just about every day something happens that I feel is something I'd love to add to my blog. I just forget about it by the time I get home or to my computer. Or...I am so engrossed in getting something accomplished that I set the blogging aside. I hope that changes with this update. I would love to be writing daily updates instead of monthly ones. For starters, I don't have to write books each time. It'd actually save me time in the long run.

 So with that, the topic of today: As some of you may be aware, I have been on a spiritual journey of late. I've been filling a lot of my work and free time with reading spirituality related books and films. The first major spiritual philosophy I've tackled is the Judeo/Christian/Islam paradigm. I just finished a book called "101 Myths of the Bible" written by Gary Greenberg, and it was one of the most eye opening books I've ever read. I find myself wanting to talk to a lot of people about what I read about, but I hold back because I don't want them to think I am attacking what they believe in.

A part of me has been dealing with my own prejudice towards Christianity. I think my prejudice comes with a good reason, but that doesn't make it good or justified that it's present. I don't want to be prejudice, so I've been fighting it. The reason for my prejudice is simple: the way LGBT people including myself have been treated has not been good. I immediately go on the defensive around people who declare themselves to be of the Christian persuasion. I find myself thinking thoughts like "They're going to attack me for being trans or lesbian. I need to get away from this person or undermine their reasoning." Essentially it's a fight or flight reaction.

My goal right now is to actively address these thoughts as they occur and acknowledge that they are prejudice thoughts. This technique has really helped me open up and be friends with some coworkers that I'd probably back away from normally. So, it's helping.  And since it is, I'll continue to attack these thoughts in the same way as they appear.

Prejudice has been something that I became acutely aware of recently because I discovered one of my close friends was blaming all of her problems on people of a certain skin color. She refused to take any personal responsibility for negative things that happened to her. She was and to my knowledge still is putting the blame solidly on people that are less fortunate than her, namely black people. I called her on her prejudice and blatantly racist attitude, but she wouldn't back down. So unfortunately, I ended the friendship. Perhaps that wasn't the smartest thing to do, but I had hoped it would send a message to her that racism is not something that is welcome or tolerated. I hope for her sake and for the people around her's sake, she opens up and changes.  It's hard to accept that you are being racist or prejudice, and it's even harder to address and try to change. But it's worth the effort.

Anyway, I'll try to post more tomorrow. I have off and have time. So until then...see ya later.

 ~Jess
 

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't posted. It's not that I've been away from TransLife. Actually far from it. I've been focused on the redesign. I've been hesitant to write new entries in this blog system because of the new one that will be live in a week or so. I'm really excited for this major change to the website. We're expanding, and that's a great thing. So for now...this is my brief little update. Watch for the new design in a week or so. It'll be really cool. Until then...see ya.

Jessica

Today has been a huge boring waste of a day. I woke up late, didn't want to move, and sat in my desk chair for several hours talking with friends. I realize that every once in a while we need days like that, but I always feel guilty when that happens. I have so much to do, and none of it is getting done. Still...I think a part of me is enjoying the lack of use of my brain. It's probably the weather. It's pretty dreary out.

Anyway, in other news, I have a girlfriend now. We made it official on Saturday night. So that's great. We giggle so much when we're together. It's pretty awesome that we enjoy each other's company so much. Several friends have told me to invite them to the committment ceremony, which I think is funny. That's not even a consideration right now. We're just enjoying each other and such.

Job news...I got called by a recruiting firm about a possible job on Friday. Sent them my resume, but otherwise haven't heard anything. It's a rather high paying job, which suggests to me that I wont get the job. I'm trying to be optimistic though. I also applied for a couple more jobs. I take it a week at a time. I send out three or four a week, which is a good pace I think. Still a bit discouraging though... I make around 400 dollars a month right now. It barely pays my bills, and my credit card debt is just mounting. Christmas is coming, and I can't afford to buy anyone anything. This is why I hated the holidays last year. If you recall...I was a huge sourpuss then. It may be the same this year.

TransLife has become a bit of a stagnant point for me. I want to do stuff with it, but I don't have any resources to do anything as of yet. I need a job before I can really do anything with it. So for now, I just have to leave it as is. I might get the motivation to be uber productive on it, but we'll see. I have my research to finish, which has been sitting on my desk for months. I also have my job apps to send out. I have my professional website that I'm working on...slowly. I also have my spiritual journey occupying my thoughts, and my epic story which I want to turn into an animated series is taking most of my focus. I can't help it. My creative mind is seeking an outlet, and the story is taking up most of that outlet energy. It's coming along nicely, but I feel guilty because I should be doing other things.

That's where I'm at right now...on the positive...Tracy is my girlfriend, and on the negative...feeling stuck in my job and life right now. It makes for some interesting emotional swings. I see Tracy, and things are great. Then...I work my stupid part time job, and I get depressed. Ups and Downs. I'm surviving, but I truly hope things look better soon.

Oh yeah...on another positive, I met with a guy at the local tech school about television production and my talents. For once, I had someone tell me I had skills. He basically said that anyone with an eye for video could and should be able to see that I have talent. I just need a little bit of investment in time. He suggesting I take a course in High Definition Video production next semester, which I'm already working on getting registered for. And then he's also compiling a list of locations I could send my resume and such to. So perhaps things will look up soon. Cross your fingers for me if you could. Thanks.

Well...I should get ready for work and clean up my mess in my room. Talk to you all soon.

Luv,

Jess