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I actually managed to inject myself. I didn't think I would be able to do it. It took about fifteen minutes to build up the courage. I iced my leg to numb it. It, again, wasn't so bad. I was shaking since I was so nervous about it, and that didn't help. My calf muscles were twitching while I was trying to push the estrogen in. I hope next time is easier. Now that that's over, all I have left are two exams, a laser appointment, an LGBT meeting to run, an online quiz to take, and an article to read and write a short paper on. Guess I should get started.

One quick thing though. Boo on CNN and anchor Tucker Carlson for their statements on air regarding trans-veterans yesterday. Here is the actual transcript of the show:

CARLSON: "Well, if there is one incontestable fact of human existence, it is that men look utterly ridiculous in women's underwear. Everyone knows this. But if you're a Democrat running for president, you're not allowed to say it. Men who wear women's underwear are one of your most reliable constituencies.

They're known as the transgender community. And you're required to take them very, very seriously. Anything less than that is bigotry. At a campaign event the other day, John Kerry took a question from the Transgender American Veterans Association, a group that lobbies the V.A. to spend tax dollars on voluntary castration -- sorry, sex reassignment -- for service members.

Would your administration support the transgender community?" he or possibly she asked Kerry? "Absolutely," Kerry seemed the say, promising to -- quote -- "fight for men who wear women's clothes if elected president." Come on, John Kerry, why can't anyone just tell the truth? You've got an Adam's apple, you shouldn't be wearing a

dress. If you do, fine, but don't expect the rest of us not to laugh. Please. Come on."

What a ridiculous thing to say on air. I'm shocked that CNN would even allow this sort of statement. I would hope there will be a formal apology. However, if there isn't, CNN can expect a barrage of unwanted e-mail. Way to be an ignorant fool Tucker.

Luv,

Jess

:( I'm getting sick. I haven't been sick in over a year. I don't wanna be sick. Waaaaaaaa. Well, it's too late now. I'm blowing my nose and sneezing. In just a few more days my nose will be all red and raw. Likely I will spend the weekend sleeping. Hopefully I can kick the cold pretty quickly. I'm usually pretty resiliant.

The worst part is that I have two exams tomorrow. I just hope the cold doesn't hit it's worst tomorrow. I want to be able to think for both tests. One is in japanese, and the last test in there I didn't do as well as I know I could have. I want to be sure to do well on this one. And then there's my communications class that I absolutely HAVE to do well on. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

I'm so glad this happened this weekend instead of last weekend though. That would have been very bad. I'm wondering if getting sick is related to how much stress and work I've had lately. It probably does. I'm so overworked. And last night I applied for the station manager postion at my job. That'll just give me more work. What was I thinking?

Well, I think it's back to work time. See ya.

Luv,

Jessica

Friday at 3:00 began the hardest weekend I've had ever. There was a conference this weekend that I had multiple duties at. The conference staff asked me as Vice President of the LGBT group to host a social event at the conference, and they asked me as a production employee of the campus TV station to shoot and edit a video for them.

I started shooting at 3:00. I went through 3 batteries and two tapes that night. That's a lot of video for the 15 minute video it was supposed to be turned into. I had one person there to help me shoot too. So we had two cameras going. It was crazy at this conference too. People were cheering and dancing around before all the actual opening ceremonies went on. It was a long night. My hand hurt from holding the camera by the end of it.

The social for the LGBT was that night. Prior to that was a drag show. There were a ton of people there for the drag show, despite the fact that the show was mediocre at best. We had two performers. One that's semi professional, and the other which was most definitely not. She looked like an ugly, pregnant woman. In the video, I used discretion and didn't include the not so professional one. People generally seemed to enjoy the show though.

The social itself was a huge, huge flop. I was so disappointed. No one came to it. The cleaning staff insisted on cleaning everything up after the drag show, including vacuuming. There were some people that would walk in, see the cleaners, assume nothing was happening, and leave. Their assumptions were right though. Nothing was happening. When everyone rushed out at the end of the drag show, I knew no one was going to stay for the social. I cried. I felt responsible for the failure of it. I knew there were more than a few factors behind it, but it was my event. I went home after that and slept.

The next morning was more shooting until 11:00. At that point I started editing. I edited the footage for 7 hours into a final 18.5 minute video. That was probably the most difficult thing of the whole weekend. Three hours of footage had to be cut down to 15 to 20 minutes. At about 3:00, I started feeling the pressure, since I had about 2.5 minutes of the video done, and had 3 hours left to do the rest. I did get it done though. At 6:30 pm, I ran to the banquet hall and dropped off the tape.

The rest of the evening was fun. It was a live production of the awards ceremony. I got to be the close up camera operator. It turned out really well. After the awards, they played my video. People were cheering and laughing. There were 375+ people there. It's not often you have an audience like that to give immediate feedback. It was a thrill. I got hugs and thank you's all night. Then...I got to go back on camera and tape some more. Finally at midnight, I went home and passed out. I slept for 12 hours straight; I was so exhausted.

Sunday I spent at the TV station editing a different project and doing my laundry. Nothing too special. I went to the meeting that night and actually had the thought of applying for the open station manager position. I think I could handle it quite well. Tonight I'm going to get an application and fill it out. Wish me luck. Time for me to go get some lunch. Talk to you all later. Bye.

Luv,

Jess

My 23rd birthday was yesterday, and, as usual, it wasn't anything special. I've never really done anything for my birthdays. The most I did was go to Perkins that night. It was a very interesting visit though. There was a boy there who said hi. And seemed to know a lot about me; enough that it might creep someone out. It didn't bother me though. I remember being dumb like that in my boyish years. I remember how I felt and what I was thinking. I knew the guy was harmless. It was flattering to me. I never got to tell him I like girls though. One of these days....

That whole event was such a cool thing for me on so many levels. For one, it means I'm passing that well now that guys think I'm attractive. Two, it was seeing an event from the receiving perspective for once. Now I know how the girls I made an ass of myself in front of felt. What an interesting time.

Today wasn't anything special either. For once I got to make use of the sleep in day I set for myself. Every other Thursday I've had a doctor's appointment in the morning. I slept late and it felt wonderful. I went to class as usual. I kicked myself when I completely forgot about my advising appointment. I hate when I do that. We did have another panel today. It went really well. We got lots of great questions. I still love seeing people drop their jaws when I say I'm trans. It's one of my favorite things to see. It just makes me smile.

We had the LGBT meeting tonight, and it wasn't so great. It was like pulling teeth. We were all straining to just get through it. We need to do more planning. Next week WILL be better. It damn well better be if I can help it. I care about that group too much to let it be that way.

Tomorrow begins the big challenge. I have to shoot all day and into the next, then edit what I shot for 6 or so hours. I have to have a tape for them by 6:00 pm on Saturday to show at their Banquet. I don't know why I take these jobs, but I did. I think I enjoy challenging myself like that. We'll see how it goes.

It is snowing again tonight, which at first I hated. But, when I went to drop one of the group members off at home, there was another car stuck in the snow. We got out and helped push. It felt great to get someone else out, since I've been helped several times and haven't been able to repay them for it. It felt good. Later, when I got home, I stood outside on the street watching the snow fall past the street lights. I marvelled at the beauty of this world. It is truly amazing. I agree with Eddie Izzard, we have lost the true meaning of the word awesome. Because that's what I felt tonight, the original meaning of that word. I'll leave with that thought. Good Night everyone.

Luv,

Jess

I did a pain in the butt thing and restored all the old entries into this new format. Now I don't have to have the old site link on here anymore, but the cool thing is, I even added the old entries from way back when the site was brand new. I didn't even have a live journal script running yet. Both Lauren and my entries were restored. So, feel free to read back to October 1st, 2002...the first day TransLife.net started running.

One more quick note before I head off to bed. I had an awesome time at the conference. Someone took their picture with me. I thought it was great. I didn't want to post her picture, but here's an update as to what I looked like on Saturday. Enjoy. G'night all.

Luv,

Jess

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