...the final threshold. Our days of make believe are at an end. Past all thought of if or when, no use resisting. Abandon thought and let the dream descend.

So with that, Chris has now seen my budget. He has reluctantly agreed that bankruptcy is really my best option. He even said it was a reluctance because he just doesn't like bankruptcy period. This morning I even got a call asking if I could schedule my $500 minimum to bring my account up to date. I thought that was funny. So not it is just a matter of when.

Anyway, enough of that talk now. I have the solution to the problem and no sense dwelling on it more. Today we got a foot of snow. Thursday we were told it might be a snow day at work, and I got a call today to let me know not to come in. I was also told that if the roads got better, we'd be expected to come in for the afternoon. Otherwise, they weren't sure if it'd be a sick day or vacation day, but if I came in, it'd be considered neither. So I made an effort to come in. I slept in first, then ate and showered. It took me an hour to shovel the snow drift that was behind my car. It was scary driving in to work, and when I got there, there was a grand total of 8 people there. My e-mail said that we didn't need to come in unless we had something pressing, which I didn't. So yeah, I was pretty upset to find out that I actually didn't have to come in at all. I felt manipulated by my boss. So I only stayed two hours and went back home. What a waste.

Last night I got invited to participate in a group video chat on tokbox. I had never used it before. My friend Tracy is all up on these social apps like Twitter and shit. So, I figured why not. It was interesting. Tracy and I talked about some of the things she's involved in that are really cool. She does things like web414, barcamp, and queer camp. They're all networking events that bring people from many fields together to work on random projects. I've been thinking about getting involved for a while, but now I'm seeing the benefits because of my lack of motivation lately. I think it might be a great chance for me to get some projects started that I've been meaning to for a long time.

Queer Camp will especially be exciting because it could help me get the TransLife organization going. I've just got so much to do that it's daunting and I don't know where to begin. I need to find someone in several fields that would be willing to help. I need a person that's good with money, a marketing person, a philanthropist, and a bunch of multimedia people. So hopefully I'll get connected with some peoples and we'll move forward.

I finally got some more freelance work this weekend too. I'll be working on it as much as I can this weekend. I probably will be focused on it this Sunday since Saturday is an all day bake-a-thon with my sister and mother. We're doing the family's traditional Christmas tree spritz cookies along with a few others. It should be fun.

My expenses today totaled 37 dollars to pay my electric bill. That's it. I'll be doing more bill payments this weekend. I know its exciting, but if you want to monitor my choices, I'll post them here. I figure if anyone can tell me I'm making a stupid choice, it's my faithful readers. I'll update my budget and will write more tomorrow.

If you'll look to the right of the screen, there's a box named "Pages". Under that is the about me link and a link to my budget. Feel free to take a look. I will be updating it probably daily from now on. I plan on including each thing I spend money on and any change in income.

I find it interesting now that I know why I've had so much trouble paying bills each month. I had no idea I was at a $150 deficit each month, and that didn't even include the simple stuff like laundry, groceries, gas and so forth. I'm not even sure where to make cuts. I don't think there are enough cuts to make that would really help me. The more I look at it, the more filing for bankruptcy makes sense. Take a look and let me know what you think.

So...I listened to the voicemail left by the mechanic (He called...I couldn't answer but called back within a minute.) Turns out the estimated full cost when I replace the ignition lock is $225. The actual bill for today is $47. That's a LOT better. I'm picking up the car tomorrow. *Big Sigh of Relief*

I got the phone call today about my car.  They've lubricated the ignition lock and it's working again...who knows for how long.  I also found out the right tie rod is worn as are the sway bars.  The tires I bought last year are faulty too! Great! I'm thrilled.  Furthermore, the bill for today comes to $225 plus tax.  I looked at my bank accounts and discovered that If I clear out my savings, I'm about a dollar short.  I have some money in my business account, but I can't transfer it out.  So...yeah...I'm fucked.

I called my mother and she just chastised me for moving and getting into my debt predicament.  She's never really understood that kicking someone while they are down is not very helpful.  It makes no sense to pick at decisions that were made already.  What matters is the solution.  Why does she feel the need to be mean about it? Ugh..what a day.


So, it would seem my decision on bankruptcy is all but made at this point.  Today my car went in to the shop for a repair.  Since Saturday I've been dealing with a weird problem with my car key.  That problem being, I put my key in the ignition, and it won't turn.  I fight with it for a while, and then it turns.  Long and the short of it, my ignition lock is quickly breaking.  So, it sits at my mechanic's for a while.  They have to order parts.  The estimate was $225.  I also needed an oil change, and they're looking at one of my tires that seems to have a flat spot on it too.  So it'll end up being $300.  Perfect timing, right?

More on that perfect timing thing is that we had a winter storm today. dad drove out to my place of work to pick me up in the snow.  It took him about an hour to get there.  Then, we drove back in a traffic jam the entire way.  When we got off the freeway, we slid off the road.  A nice man stopped to help us push the car off the median.  We couldn't have done it without him.  Thanks a lot Mr. Awesome! I stuck around and ate dinner with my dad before heading back home.  The roads were worse I think on my way home.  It took me an hour for what would normally take a half hour. was a long sucky day.  There was some good though.  I remembered to bring lunch.  So I didn't have to worry about leaving or spending money.  Also, I got kudos from my boss.  Or more specifically, she and my other coworker expressed their jealousy for my producing techniques.  They openly admitted that they admire my use of excel to make my normally very repetitive and annoying tasks easier.  She specifically said that they wish they could do it too.  I wish I could make it simpler for them to pick up.  I've just always had a good repore with technology.

On a not as good note, I found out through my friend Jeff that the position that I've been waiting to hear back on was filled by someone else.  He knows the editor at the company and heard him talking about a new girl.  At least I have some closure.  I still find it very rude to tell someone you want a second interview, then never call.  Not only that, they sent no word that I didn't get the job.  That's just plain cruel.  I never want to do that as a business owner.  People want to know instead of being left in the dark.  So I guess I have to keep looking.

I want to give a quick shout out to the friends that have been reading this and offering support for me during my difficult financial time.  You have been wonderful, and I very much appreciate the kind words.  It means a lot.

On a completely unrelated note, recently added He-Man to their selection.  Last night I watched the first episode and was bad.  There was no back story, no introduction of characters, nothing.  The story itself was really thin and the acting was way over the top.  He-Man threw two blows the entire episode.  He punched a rock monster and swung his sword at some robots once.  The show was purely to sell toys.  Still, I loved it as a kid.  To give it a little more credit, today I watched the beginning of the second episode, and it was written by Paul Dini of Batman: the Animated Series fame.  This episode had an actual plot with some quality to it.  The characters showed some emotion and at least a little bit of depth.  I was impressed for a mid 80s show.  Maybe it just needed time.  I'll have to check out  more to give my full review of a childhood favorite.

One last thought before I go.  I am really thinking it would be beneficial to put my budget online here so that people can see what I'm doing.  It's a bold move, but I think it might help.  It'll give me transparency to everyone.  I can get open criticism on it, and maybe it'll help me learn from my past mistakes and how to be better with my money as a whole.  Plus, then maybe you all can help me make this bankruptcy decision.  We clearly know I'm bad with money since I'm in this position, so maybe I'm jumping the gun.  I think an online budget might serve to be very helpful.  What do you think?