Posted on December 21st 2008, 3:34 am
One of the things I have had trouble with over the many years, which has only gotten worse of late, is that I'm the odd one out in my family. Every time I see them, its a nice reminder of how alone I am. Today was fun, but I still felt it. I think my situation has made it worse though.
While I was driving home tonight in the middle of snowstorm #3 for the week, I broke down in tears. I realized that of all my family members, I'm the failure. It's really hard for me to admit it, but its true. My parents have been together for something like 35 years. They live in a nice house and, while my dad doesn't have a job right now, they're getting by just fine. My older sister has been married for about four years now. She just bought a house. Her husband has a job. She has a recession proof job. She's pregnant, and already has a step-daughter. My little sister has a great job that's also recession proof. She's married, lives in a house and has a husband that has a job too.
Then there's me. I've never dated someone longer than 6 months. I've got more debt than probably any of them. I have no savings to speak of. I live in an apartment alone. I have a job that I could lose at any moment. I have too generic of a degree to find something else. I'm poor, alone, and weird. Every time I see my family, I realize how true that is.
I'm a failure...plain and simple.
* UPDATE *
An hour later and a conversation with a friend...I'm feeling a lot better. I'm done crying for the evening. I'll pull myself back up from this low place. It's just going to take time.