Well, my first day of hormones is done. It was a very uneventful day. In fact, I don't even feel any different. I don't know if that's common, but that's how it was. The only difference I felt was a headache through most of the day, which wore off towards the later hours. I never got emotional or moody. I don't know if it'll come in the next few days, but I'll find out. I don't know why, but I guess I actually want to get moody and emotional. I think it would be a sign that the hormones are there. All I can really do is wait and see. I'm not on Spironolactone yet, so my body has both estrogen and testosterone in my system. I don't know how that affects things. I'll be sure to write if anything happens. Time for sleep.

Luv,

Jessica

I GOT APPROVED!!!!!!!!

I start on estrogen tomorrow morning. I'm so excited. Apparently it was a completely unanimous vote 'yes'. Why did I even doubt? The hard part is over. Now I can relax for a while. I'll write about how these next couple days go. I know I'm going to be an emotional wreck. It'll be funny. :)

Luv,

Jessica

Wow, my life is busy. I never have any free time. I'm working three jobs. When you combine that with class, therapy, homework, and voice training, I'm just swamped. I'm lucky I get time to sleep and eat. Anyways, on to the actual content of my last two weeks.

The speech I gave in the women's studies class went so wonderful. I spoke for 40 minutes and took some questions after that. People were blown away by my openness. It was received well. Thankfully, I have a sense of humor that at least some people in the class appreciated. I was able to keep them interested. They seemed to be really impressed with my voice. I switched freely back and forth between my female voice and male voice. It was a really disorienting experience for them apparently. I'm just glad I had the opportunity to educate those 50 students on transgender and my life. I'd do it again if I could.

A few of us went out to eat afterwards. We went to this small pizza place. It was good, but I know I got some strange looks. Not to be stereotypical, but generally I feel uncomfortable around guys in cowboy boots and flannel shirts. I'm glad I was there with a group. The people from the class were great though. We had a good time. Again, I wish I could do it again.

After the food, I drove some of the people home. Then, the professor of the class, who just happens to be a former professor and good friend of mine, invited me into her home to chat some more. I got to meet her husband and her cat. I felt so honored being invited in like that. We all talked about the comings and goings of campus. We also discussed the future and possibilities for me to educate more on campus. I'm very excited about that. These coming years will be fun.

Since then, more of my facial hair has fallen out. I'm pretty sure all the dead hair is shedded by now. There are a few patches of hair left behind. It makes for an interesting design. Thankfully, in two more weeks, I get my next treatment. Then the shedding begins again. At the end of that one though, things should be even better. I've been frequently taking photos of my face. I'll be posting a laser hair removal diary sometime soon. It'll be whenever I get this site redesigned. I'm working on a bunch of stuff for it right now.

I've been taking an HTML class, and they've been teaching me all the wonders of Macromedia's Dreamweaver. I'm hoping to get my own copy of that soon. The site, though looks ok now, will probably look a lot better soon. There is also a possibility of maybe doing a web documentary series of my transition. I have to consult the people at the campus cable TV station where I work. If they'll allow me to use the cameras for some short clips, it's a go. I hope that works out too. There is a lot I want to show. If they wont though, I'll try to get a different camera to do the job. I think that may turn out really great if I can get it to work out.

On another exciting note, my hormone approval date is Thursday of this week. Everyone keep your fingers crossed. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, because it seems any time I do that, I get let down. I figure this way, if I get approved, it'll be a pleasant surprise. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. I'll probably be just as upset if I get denied anyway. Well, we'll find out in a few days. I will definitely write something saying yea or nay.

Some sad things have happened in my life too though. My grandma is currently in kidney dialysis due to polycystic kidney disease. She was found in her home in a deep sleep. They determined that her carotid artery was pretty much completely blocked. They had planned to do a procedure to clean it out. Before they did that, they did an angioplasty. Through that, they determined that her artery was indeed 95% clogged. Unfortunately, they also knocked loose a piece of material. It caused a massive stroke. My grandma had paralysis to the left side of her body. Even her vision was affected, though that is recovering. That's sad, but not the worst. The worst part is that they can no longer do the procedure to clear out her artery. That means she's a ticking time bomb. She doesn't have much left. So, yeah. It's sad. I'm not mourning her yet though. She's still here, and hopefully for some time yet.

I wish I could leave you on a happy note, but I guess not this time. I'll write soon.

Luv,

Jessica

Wow, a lot has happened to me in the past ten days. Maybe I should stop writing that at the beginning of every diary entry since it happens every time. Anyway, I was asked to speak at a Women's studies class. Today is actually the day I get to speak. I'm really excited about it. I am working with a few other girls on this presentation. We met on Sunday night to talk about it. We ended up talking for two hours straight. It was a really good time.

Valentine's day was nothing special for me though. The only exciting thing that happened was that a friend of mine bought me a flower. She is such a wonderful person. That's the first flower anyone has ever given me. I was never really that into flowers, but her giving me that really made me happy. I hadn't been expecting to react the way I did. It was definitely a pleasant surprise. Aside from that though, I just spent the day at work. I've never really had a great Valentine's day. Who cares though. It's only a Hallmark holiday.

Over the weekend I discovered some very important information about my career choice. In looking at the technical college homepage, I discovered that if I transfer schools and get an associates degree in visual communications, like I had wanted to, I'll start off with a salary of a whopping $13,000 per year. I can make that much money working at McDonald's full time. So, I have taken a look at not necessarily giving up on the visual communications, but getting higher profile degrees that would allow me to do the same sort of thing, but with higher pay. Right now I'm strongly considering a Computer Science major with a Mass Communications minor. I think that would do me well. On top of that, the school I currently go to has a good name for Comp Sci. So, I could stay here instead of move. That would be a good thing overall it seems. So that's the working plan for now.

I have a big hormone update. The day for getting hormones has moved up. It was March 20th. Now it's March 6th. That's two weeks from today. I'm so excited. Of course, that's if I get approved by the gestapo committee. It looks promising, but I don't want to get my hopes too high. It seems that every time I get my hopes up, I get let down. Story of my life, I guess.

On another happy note though, my facial hair is finally falling out. After two weeks of waiting, it's looking a lot better. I've been taking pictures along the way here, but I am going to hold off on posting them. I'm going to be redesigning the site over the next couple months, and I'll add it then. I'm sure you'll notice what it happens.

Oh, and one last thing....I'm 22 now. My birthday was two days ago. It wasn't too bad, except I had class until 8:45 at night. What did I do for my birthday you ask...well, I did the dishes. :)

Luv,

Jessica

OK, so much has happened since the last time I wrote an entry. I am such a busy girl lately. School is keeping me very occupied. I have a second job now too. I got hired at the campus cable TV station. It's pretty cool. I helped work on a show called "Untitled" the other day. It was fun. I ran the audio. Aside from that, I really don't have anything exciting to talk about in regards to the job.

The major thing that happened took place last Wednesday, February 5th. It was my first time getting laser hair reduction. I had a friend drive me, because I was going to be drugged up pretty bad. They gave me valium and percucet to take simultaneously. When I got there, we took some preliminary pictures. And after the drugs set in, we got started. It took about an hour. The technician went over my face and neck very thoroughly. Even with high powered pain meds like that though, it hurt more than anything I've ever experienced. Hopefully, the pain will have been worth it.

Right now, it doesn't feel as if it's worth it though. It's been five days and the dead hair hasn't completely shedded yet. The laser kills off the hair follicle, vaporizes some of the hair, but leaves a remnant behind. That remnant has to get pushed out by the follicle. So it seems as if I have facial hair still. It takes about 1 to 3 weeks to shed it all. The problem though, is that the dead and damaged hair is darker than regular hair. That makes it harder to cover up. Due to that, it was more visible this weekend at work. On Sunday, I got called a faggot by some stupid high school kids. This hair really needs to fall out soon.

On a few happy notes though, I finally got the confidence to use my female voice in public. This confidence came from one of my newest friends. Her name is Brooke. She is a future Transsexual who just happens to be my age and lives close. We met online and decided to meet and chat. Well, she had only heard my female voice, so I was challenged to then use it exclusively when I met her. Since then, I've been using it a lot. I even used it at work. I was so proud. People seem to like it too. Even my voice therapist said it was good. That made me happy.

Another happy note, I talked to my therapist. He says that he thinks I have a really good chance of getting approved for hormones. I'm really excited about that. We also discussed a few things regarding future plans. He's only going to be around for another year. So our goal is to get me approved for SRS by March of next year. That doesn't mean that I'll actually get the surgery then, but at least I'll be able to if I want to. And I do want to. In fact, I plan on getting it in the summer of 2004. That would be best for me. I'm going to miss seeing him when he leaves. I like him as a therapist. Too bad the place he works for sucks.

Anyway, that's pretty much my life right now. I did just open the online store. So, check that out, even though there isn't much of a selection yet. Oh, and if you have suggestions, e-mail them to me. I have a new e-mail address too. It's so cool. Jessica@translife.net Alright, I'll write soon. Bye everyone.

Luv,

Jess