That's from a's from Cowboy Bebop. Those of you who are geeks may know it. It really fits my mood tonight.

I don't feel a thing

and I stopped remembering

The days are just like moments turned to hours

Mother Used to say

if you want, you'll find a way

Bet mother never danced through fire shower

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain

I walk in the rain, in the rain

Is it right or is it wrong

and is it here that I belong

I don't hear a sound

Silent faces in the ground

The quiet screams, but I refuse to listen

If there is a hell

I'm sure this is how it smells

Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain

I walk in the rain, in the rain

Am I right or am I wrong

and is it here that I belong

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain

I walk in the rain, in the rain

Why do I feel so alone

For some reason I think of home

That song has always struck a chord with pun intended. That song and "Death of the First Born" from the Prince of Egypt... I don't know why. I just have a thing for sad songs. I'm really introspective and somewhat down tonight. I've been kinda the past couple days. I'm not sure if it's because of what's been on my mind, the weather, just a natural downpoint, boredom...or what. It's just been kind of annoying.

Ray and I have been talking. She's been calling me when she needs to vent about her ex. I feel honored that she would do that. At the same time, it's been kind of weird for me. I know we both have feelings for each other. I don't want to come off as trying to manipulate her because I like her and want her to be single, because that's not at all what I am doing. I'm trying to be a friend and ignore my feelings why I listen and give advice. Holy shit is it hard to do, but I think I've done ok so far. I focus on her feelings and just try to help her sort through things. If I can't do that I try to serve as an open ear.

The problem with that is...sometimes I don't have a clue what to say. Because of that I've found myself feeling very nervous when she calls. I want to be there for her and don't know what to say to help her. I don't want her to think I'm just not talkative or anything. It's just weird. I'm doing my best, and I guess that's all I can do.

I think my financial situation is affecting my mood too. I have $1.25 to make it through the next week. I'm not kidding either. That's literally all that I have. I'm going to be pretty darn hungry over the next week. I don't have much more than breakfast cereal in my apartment right now. I hate bumming money off my friends, so I'm not asking them. Once friday hits...I should be great. I'll get my first paycheck working fulltime. It'll be tough though.

Anyway, that's where I am right now. I think I'm going to get some sleep and hopefully feel a little better in the morning. G'night.