Posted on May 8th 2004, 1:13 am
Tonight was the second Friday in a row I've gotten into a fight with Leslie. Last week was completely my fault, and I felt really horrible. This week...was directly because of something I said last night at the meeting. It wasn't meant as it was taken by whomever heard me say it. That's who she heard it from. She has every right to be mad at me. It was in regards to my reaction to her last night. When the meeting was done, she stormed out of the room muttering something like "Fine...don't listen to me...I'm not on the prom committee". I don't remember exactly what it was...but that was close. I was simply confused by it and said I didn't know where that came from and that I'll have to talk to her about it later. I said something about having asked for volunteers for committees earlier in the semester and her not volunteering. I didn't think people would blab it everywhere. I figured they'd let it be between me and her and I could approach her on my own with it.
Apparently though, everyone felt the need to tell her. So today I get a message that we need to talk. And it turned into a fight. Both of us not listening to the other. Both of us just making excuses and such. Eventually I start crying and feeling bad for myself. I hate when I make a friend feel like Leslie felt. These two fights just make me feel like a complete asshole. I feel like I completely let her down as a friend. Last week was me not wanting to meet her girlfriend because I was jealous. So she's right. I am an asshole.
All this just makes me think I'm in over my head. I do too much, and I try too hard. I'm involved so much that everything I do is just half assed. At least, that's how I feel about it...I'm not sure how others feel. I'm so new to everything I'm involved in. Being in the leadership position is one, being a role model, and even just being a female. Is this all just too much for me to handle? Should I back off? Am I going to lose friends because of all this? Maybe I should withdraw from the running for executive staff in the LGBT.
I just don't know what to do anymore.