Better go and catch it.....wait, no...my fridge is broken. Or at least it's on it's way out. Over the summer I noticed my freezer wasn't freezing. Frozen pizzas become refridgerated pizzas, frozen vegetables get dehydrated from all the freezing and thawing, and ice cream is not even an option. It's also been running all the time. This morning was the second time I went to have breakfast and found my milk to be chunky despite having an expiration date five days from now. I just love pouring my cereal, and then pouring the milk...and then trying to find a way to throw out the cereal after it's been wet, but dump the milk down the drain. Always a challenge.

So yeah, I'm starving right now. On top of that I'm tired, and I have a lot of work to do today. I'm running myself ragged. I have a take home exam and a speech to write. I'm planning on skipping my class today just so I can get some food and dilate before I have to run out to my therapist appointment. The nice thing is that this is the last therapy appointment with a gender specific therapist I'll have. No more driving an hour and a half to get to the doc. I'll just see a campus counselor if I need to talk.

I'm feeling really great about what I'm accomplishing at school so far. GenderPAC is going to come to this campus. I've been working with them for the past week or so. It's going to be a really big deal too. I'm very excited about it. Next week I'm having people sign the Million for Marriage petition on our campus's "Acceptance Day" put on by student senate. Yes, I know I'm a bad trans person for supporting HRC, but I also don't care. HRC does good things even though they don't always support us.

Emotionally I've had a lot going on. I've found that I've been daydreaming a lot more than normal. I think it may have something to do with me not getting enough sleep, but it may not. I've been thinking a lot about gender and relationships too, particularly gender as a performance. It's a concept I learned about in my gender studies class. Here's what's been going through my head:

Most people accept me as a woman no question. The only ones that seem to question my womanhood are the lesbians. I feel as if I am always under scrutiny from them, save a few. Now most women don't think about performing the female gender at all, they just do it. They can have feminine and masculine interests or mannerisms, but no one questions their womanhood. It's different for me and those of us who are TS and lesbian. I feel as if I have to perform the female gender perfectly, and by that I mean have all feminine interests, dress feminine all the time, feminine mannerisms....etc, otherwise my womanhood is questioned in the lesbian population. They question whether I am a woman or not just because I was born in the opposing role. Of course this is all speculation, but still, the concept has gotten me very depressed and introspective recently. I just look at the experiences I've had in the past couple years, and how poorly treated I've been by a lot of women I've met just for being trans. That's one of the topics I'm bringing up today with my therapist.

Anyway, I'm making an effort to keep my entries longer than a five page essay, so I'll stop here. Have a great day.

Luv,

Jess