Posted on July 23rd 2004, 9:34 pm
I got home last night from a meeting at about 11:00 pm. The meeting was for group facilitators of the youth group I'm now officially a volunteer for. We had a good time just chatting for a few hours after the real meeting was done. So anyway, I walk into my apartment and turn on my monitor to find two instant messages on my screen. I normally get offline messages, so didn't think much of it.
So I check the first one to see who it was. I closed the window because the person was offline. Looked at the second one and stopped breathing. I just remember thinking "Holy @#%$. It's her." My heart was racing. I was completely shocked. It was a message from Jill. I literally had to take a few minutes to let it sink in before I could do much. I never expected to hear from her again.
She started apologizing in her IM, but said she's gather her thoughts and put them into an e-mail. I went and found the e-mail and read through it. It was really heart felt and I could tell a lot of emotion was put into it. She said she was sorry for the way she treated me. She feels she acted selfishly by just leaving like that. She has thought about me everyday since we last talked. She has genuine feelings for me. She was just so uncomfortable with me being trans. She was scared and ran away. Last night was the first night she had been onto her e-mail account since she talked to me last. Apparently she had 73 e-mails, but the goodbye e-mail I sent to her was the only one she bothered to read.
So two weeks later, I finally have an answer. I still am not sure I can believe it. I messaged her back saying how shocked I was and thanked her for e-mailing me. I said I'd e-mail her today. I haven't yet. I'm not sure I've gathered my thoughts and feelings enough yet. I think I will start it as soon as I finish this though. I told my friend Sarah about the whole thing today. She asked me if I've ever met her. When I said no, she said "wow, and that's just from the emotional connection between you two." I honestly can forgive her for leaving. She will definitely have to earn my trust back though.
So anyway, I'll keep ya'll updated on my little drama here. I better get to the e-mail. See ya.