Posted on February 15th 2004, 4:04 am
Sorry, I just had to use a Cowboy Bebop reference somewhere. Today at the conference, I had a really good time. Despite the lack of any decent sleep last night, I was suprisingly aware most of the day. By little sleep, I mean practically none. I got maybe two hours, neither of which gave me any rest. Whenever I go on a trip staying in the hotel, the first night I can't sleep....ever. My body just doesn't like it in a strange place like that I think. There's also the fact that two people in the room snore really bad. That kept me up too, but I can't blame them for it.
Here I am though, lying on a couch in the memorial union at the campus of Iowa State University, marvelling at just how far I've come in the past two years. There's no way at all I'd have placed myself at a national queer conference. On top of that, I'm completely comfortable here and even presented, which went wonderfully by the way. It's just strange to think back to my homophobic days. I'm happy now with who I am, very happy. I'm proud to be at this point. I really don't quite understand why so much; I just am. That's plenty enough for me.
I find myself seeking out solitude this time of night for some odd reason. I think perhaps I've been surrounded by people all day long and just need that "me" time. I'm just one of those types that needs solitude once in a while. There's also a bit of melancholy in my mood tonight. I've been watching couples all day. In most cases they seem very happy together, and so in love. I suppose I should expect that on Valentine's Day. I, personally, have never experienced this day with a significant other. To me, tis day has always signified my continual and perpetual loneliness that follows me everywhere. Maybe someday this day will have some good meaning for me too, but not this time. Now that the dance has started, I think I'm just going to go home early. I need the sleep anyway. Good Night all.