Bear with me, this entry is going to be long. These past few days have been a rollercoaster for me. I've been trying to switch my major for a while now. I've been seeing advising to get an idea of what I should be heading towards with a major. I was pretty set on a Mass Communications: Electronic Media degree. However, I went in and talked to the head of the Mass Communications department, and she talked me out of it. Apparently that major here at my school sucks. It lacks focus and doesn't prepare you for much. For being an electronic media major, there was little to do with electronic media at all. So, now I'm at a loss. I really enjoy that sort of thing. I do video work, sound work, and web design work on my own, and I really enjoy it. I was really thinking that's the way to go. Now I'm faced with the choice of either picking something else, or switching schools. I have to decide soon too. I'm in my third year, and I need to focus in and choose a career. Otherwise, I'll be a perpetual college student.

Well, that advising session was on Tuesday. Also on Tuesday was my job interview. That went really well. I got there early, and we started right away. It was a very personal atmosphere. I felt very comfortable with the management. She was very impressed with my application. She asked me a whole slew of questions, which I answered to the best of my ability. It was a long interview filled with a lot of talking. In the end, I felt as if I had made a new friend with the manager of the store. She was very comfortable with me being transgendered. In fact, she told me that if any customer gives me more crap than I can handle, all I have to do is let her know and that person will be banned from the store. That made me feel very welcome and protected. So, I got the job. Unfortunately, the management position had been filled a day or so earlier. So I wont get to be an assistant manager, but I will still work there. She told me she was going to put me in a position where I could move into a management spot easily. She wasn't just saying that either. I feel I can genuinely trust her. So I am very happy about this job. Plus, it doesn't look like there is much of a dress code, if it exists at all. That means I may be able to wear flare leg jeans and the like to work. Yay!

Tuesday night I had a massive inspiration to revamp the website design. So, that's what I spent my evening doing. I really need to work on my studying skills, because lately I've been setting studying aside to do the things I actually enjoy. The good thing is that the things I enjoy are still very productive, like this website. The bad thing is, my grades could possibly suffer. Even as I write this right now, I am procrastinating. I am so bad. Here, I have a bad joke for you. I am going to make a list of the top ten reasons I procrastinate.

1.

......I'll finish it later. (see I told you, bad joke)

So, Wednesday was a very interesting day. I had two important appointments. One was a laser hair removal consultation. The other was a gender therapy session. The laser session was first. I learned that it is going to cost me $425 each session to get my facial hair laser removed. I also learned about how much it's going to hurt. They did a sample of the laser on my hair. She gave me two rubber balls to hold on to so I don't punch her. I didn't expect the pain to be as much as it was. It's going to be hard for me to do the whole face, but I still want to do it. No pain, no gain. I may want to wait until I'm on hormones first. They say it's easier then. Otherwise I could start now. I don't know yet. I'm going to give it some thought.

The second appointment was three hours later. So, I had to sit around for a while. I ate dinner and relaxed. It was actually kind of nice aside from the snow. It was the first snow of the year. It was quite cold out. Oh, I forgot to mention. I wore my flare leg jeans, red girls Scooby-Doo t-shirt, and a black, hooded, zippered sweatshirt on top. I had pink hair clips in too. I was feeling really cute. Just before my session, some people were coming into the waiting area. They were all transgendered people about my age. I met some of them. They seemed really cool, but I didn't have a lot of time to talk to them. They had to go into their group counseling session. So I waited until it was time for mine. A little while later it was my time, and it was good. We discussed starting hormones and set a time table for when I will aim for actually getting approved for them. We're shooting for February. That's really cool with me. It'll be my birthday present. I have a few things I need to do before I'll be eligible, but I can do it. I'm not worried.

After the session was over, I went out into the parking lot, and there were the people I met before the session. They were talking. I decided to go and say hi. We ended up talking for a long time. It was a really great experience for me. I've never met any transgendered people my age before. They all seemed really nice too. I gave them all cards, and I hope they e-mail me. I'd really like to get to know them better. I'm always looking for friends, especially really cool friends like them. They said they'd check out my site. So, with that....I hope you guys write me. hehe.

Today was the emotional day for me. It started with me finding out that I have an exam on Friday. I didn't know about it because I missed that class on Wednesday. Way to go Jessica. I just hope I don't fail it. After that, I received an e-mail from Lauren. It was a forward from a website about the recent final ruling of a court case involving transgender. The article made me upset. I was thinking about it for the next few hours. I was trying to think of something I could do to help with this, and maybe there is. I just feel so helpless. Discrimination just never ends. You'd think as a society we'd have learned from our past mistakes already, but no. So, I'm upset about that. I had to go drop something off, so as I'm walking back, I start thinking about how much the major change that I'm doing for school is frustrating me. I really have lost my direction. I am also frustrated with living this life. So that all compiled together really started to wear away my composure. I was feeling like I was going to cry. I ran into a friend on my way back home. She gave me a hug, and I came a thread away from losing it right there. I focused and got control back. I got myself home before letting go. When I finally finished crying, I decided I wanted to talk to someone. So I went online and started talking to a friend of mine about the whole thing. He sided with the court ruling. That really upset me again. I swore at him and disconnected. I felt bad about that right afterwards too. I grabbed my coat and decided to go for a walk. I was upset so I left in kind of a huff. In my hurry leaving, I left behind my keys. Unfortunately I had locked the door. So now I was locked out of my apartment.

So I walked to a friends apartment. No one was home though. So, feeling a bit cooled down, I called up the friend I swore at and apologized for swearing. We talked it over and I realized that I cut him off when I swore at him. He was about to say something that would have changed everything. He really does see my side on it. So I felt better then. By the time we finished on the phone, one of my friends came to the apartment and let me in. I ended up having to stay there for about 7 hours before I could get back into my place. It was really good though. They are such wonderful people in that apartment. I wouldn't trade them for anything. Over that time though, I couldn't study, do my homework, or anything else I had planned to do. So I guess I got screwed tonight, and it's my own fault. What a crappy day. I really hope tomorrow turns out better. Speaking of tomorrow....I should really get working on my studying and homework. Otherwise I'll be screwed even more. I can't wait for the weekend. Until then, bye.

Luv,

Jessica