I'm sorry, world! I've been lazy for two months with my blog.  I guess I can sit here and make excuses like working on the weekends, youth group stuff, seeing someone, fencing stuff, a new camera...but we all know they'd just that...excuses.  So, I apologize.  What's that you say?  I said some things in that list that are surprising?  And what else?...you want to know about them?  Well tough...I'm not talking.

OK I lied.  I am talking. We'll start with the juicy stuff...fencing!   What? You thought I was going to talk about something else first?  Too bad.  So yeah, I've been fencing a lot.  It's been way fun.  I've learned that I'm not defending my left leg well enough.  I have had several nasty bruises three over the past several months.  One of them was pretty large...about the diameter of a soda can.  The worst part was because I had already been "killed".  I didn't call the hit fast enough and because of that I got hit again.  Anyway, it took a few weeks to heal.  It's awesome though.  I consider the bruises a badge of honor.  There's something about the pain from a sport like fencing that I think a lot of us like to own.

I'm getting more and more confident with my skills.  My instructors aren't taking it easy on me anymore.  They've been making it quite clear to me that I have a bit of natural talent.  I was told a few Wednesdays back that they've rarely seen such "clean kills" as what I was throwing.  It was by the book (Capo Ferro) apparently.  I was doing things like playing with measure (basically the range of someone's full extended lunge and blade) and getting inside without being noticed by my opponent.  I was also taking my opponent's blade off line (on line is an angle that would kill you) and sliding right down their sword to kill them. I didn't even realize that I was doing these things when they were happening.  So I guess that's a sign of good training.  When my instructor told me that, I was pretty giddy.  It's neat to hear I'm doing well.  Fencing is a lot of fun.

In other news, I worked a lot of extra weekend days over the past couple months.  It was a bit stressful due to the shortened weekends, but the benefits ended up being fantastic.  I'd been dreaming of getting a new camera for a long while.  I'm sure there are mentions of it in my blog posts past.  Now, however, it is a true reality.  As of the first days of May, I bought a brand new Canon Rebel T2i.  It's a flippin' awesome camera.  It's a Digital SLR (Single Lens Reflux), and shoots at 18 megapixels.  It not only does still photos, but it also shoots very nice full 1080p HD video.  I can do anything from standard def all the way up to the top of the broadcast HD range.  It's pretty cool.

So I've had it almost a full month now, and it's been worth it so far.  I've already shot about 400 images with it.  Chris and I went to the zoo and snapped some fun photos. I've also started taking it with me wherever I go.  So, I've been able to get some interesting shots that I normally wouldn't.  For example, I went to a garden and pond shop with Dr. Chris, my friend and Dentist.  It had just rained, and they had bloomed water lillies there.  I took some beautiful pics of them.  They'll be posted after the blog post to enjoy.

I've got a nice wish list of accessories I'm going to be getting eventually as well.  For example, I'll be getting a new flash, a camera frame, battery grip, extra batteries, and an inflatable diffuser.  I've also dropped some hefty cash for a nice lens.  It's a Tamron 18 mm - 270 mm, which is  a rather large range for a telephoto lens.  It's been very worth the money so far.  I've always been told by my pro video / photo friends to never skimp on the glass.  So I didn't.

OK...so you're probably wondering about the "seeing someone" I mentioned earlier, right.  Well...I'll tell you about it then.  But FIRST, you totally want to hear about my amazing ability to drink copious amounts of coffee through a straw...standing on my HEAD!  Ok, fine, that's a lie.  I guess I'll tell you about only the most amazing person I've ever met.

Her name is Jessica [redacted]....Dr. Jessica [redacted] (yes I know you haven't defended your dissertation yet, hun).  Everyone asks if it's awkward with having the same name, but it really hasn't been.  We know who we're talking to.  It's everyone else that has trouble.  Anyway, she's pretty amazing.  She's beautiful, smart, sexy, nerdy, and a huge dork....all of the perfect qualities I've been looking for.  She reads comic books, plays video games, and yeah...I'm so in love.

We met online.  Yahoo Personals...what is it with that site and me finding great matches there.  We hit it off from the get go really.  The hard part is that it's long distance.  I have a long history with long distance relationships, and this is the longest one I've been in yet.  She lives presently in Arkansas, but she will be moving to upstate New York for her new job in the fall.  So, it's not just a quick hour drive to see each other.  It's been tough, but we've managed so far, and quite well actually.

Jess came up here to Chippewa Falls to visit about a week and a half ago.  She was here for about 9 days, and I think it's easy to say that it was probably the best 9 days I've had since...maybe since my transition.  It was pure bliss the entire time.  It felt like I found my other half.  And then just as quickly as she arrived, it was time for her to leave.  That was unbelievably hard to say goodbye to her.  She is currently teaching a summer course, and she had to be back to start.  The good news is that she'll be back in about a month for a longer period of time.  The bad news is it feels like a part of me is missing now.  It's been difficult for both of us.  We have only gone one or two days since without video chatting.

Jess is actually a year younger than me, and she already has her doctorate.  It's really made me rethink a lot of things.  I actually find myself wanting to better myself because of her.  She did get to see me give a lecture in a class while she was here, and she told me that it was awesome and that I'm an amazing speaker.  That is incredibly uplifting since I've felt like I've gotten a bit stale at it lately.  I find myself wondering what I want to do next with my life though.  I'm really finding myself at a crossroads.  I'm jut not sure.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my job, and I'm not about to drop everything for something new.  However, I've always felt I can do more.  I feel like I have a bunch of untapped skill that I'm really not utilizing.  One of the possibilities in the future depending on several things is that I may end up moving.  If Jess' job becomes tenure track, I'd probably pick up and move up to New York in a year or so.  If that's the case, what do I make a career out of there?

I've not really mentioned this before except for a few close friends, but I've gone back and forth over...not really disappearing out of the trans community, but more of not making it be so much of a focus in my life.  I mean really, I haven't made it a huge focus as is, but I've always had goals to do more.  I've debated whether my voice is even valuable with all the new voices out there.  I've had many people say otherwise, that my voice is important.  I've also witnessed other friends in the trans community move on.  So, it's been on my mind.

I think what I'm realizing now is that maybe instead of thinking about moving on, I should hit it head on.  Maybe I should find a talent agent, get a book deal, and just become a professional blogger and speaker.  I could perhaps start up a non-profit like I've talked about in the past as well.  I know I've talked about writing my book several times.  Jess thinks I should and that it'd be really valuable. There are a lot of options, and the good news is that I don't have to make any quick decisions.  Still, I'd love to get opinions if people have them to share.  I could use the help.

So yeah, Jessica has really made me think a lot about things.  I've never had someone have that kind of impact on me before.  She is truly amazing.  Isn't it funny that my last post in March I was sad about not being able to find someone and not even a week after I wrote that post, Jessica appeared in my life.  Chris told me that it was like night and day.  I was really down and then I was happier than he'd seen me in a very long time.  I should really stop bragging though.

I have been very distracted though.  I have been so busy with stuff like the youth group I volunteer for, the community center that I've been actively involved in, Pridefest stuff, and just trying to have a bit of time to relax.  I have barely been able to keep up.  Some things have fallen behind.  I haven't had a free moment to touch the Pridefest video.  It's ready for me to cut, but I just haven't been able to organize the time.  Obviously my blog writing time took a hit too.  Even my Memorial Day weekend is busy.  I'm going to be in the Twin Cities shooting a wedding.  In a week or so I have some freelance video work.  I think my schedule slows down after mid June.  I can't wait.  Maybe I'll have time to enjoy the summer weather then.  We'll see.

I think this is a good place to leave it for now though.  The question of the blog:  If you were in my shoes, what do you think my best options for the future are?

I hope all is well with you and that you're having a wonderful Spring. Oh, and I apologize if I induced any vomiting from my excessive gushing regarding my girlfriend. :P

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