Holy crap, it's been a month!  Why didn't someone tell me?!!  It's been a busy time, that's for sure.  I've actually been enjoying it, though it's nice to get time to de-stress once in a while.  I haven't had much of that lately, and most likely things will remain busy for a few months.  I'm thinking after June actually.  I can't complain though.  Things have been pretty good lately.  I'd like to eventually get on a weekly blogging schedule though.  It'd be easier in the long run.

Straight Women

Ah the title of the post...Straight women are the bane of my most recent existence.  I've been actively seeking out love lately, and things have been a bit rough going.  About two and a half weeks ago, I went to hang out with a friend of mine for the first time.  We went to a nearby restaurant and had this adorable waitress. For some reason, I actually had the courage to flirt with her.  I was giving her eyes and a lot of attention every time she came by.  Oddly, she seemed to be returning it.  Then, I made mention in passing about my fencing, and she got really interested and started asking questions.  I answered what I could, and then I told her it was free.  I started explaining when practices are, but explained that there were some disruptions coming up.  So I asked if I could just call her with info...which got me her number.  When she gave it to me, she said I could call her with info.  I then laid it on thick and was like..."Can I call you anyway?" to which she responded very distinctly and with a smile "Yes".  There were plenty of clear messages going back and forth, or so it seemed to me and my friend.

I called her a few days later, and I got her voice mail.  I left a message that was cutesy saying who I was and if we'd like to talk fencing or...other stuff...as I put it.  She called back and left a message that said she was interested in both.  Again...to me clear messages going back and forth...  The next night I called her, and her boyfriend answered the phone.  I then got to talk to her, and it was a pleasant conversation.  She explained a bit about herself and I myself, and it became very clear very quickly that she had no clue that I was flirting with her at the restaurant.  She just thought I was a cool girl that was all about making new friends.  So...I just let her think that.  It was pretty disappointing for me, not going to lie.  I believe it was that night that I posted on twitter "My new motto is 'Expect Disappointment and you'll never be disappointed'.  As pessimistic as that may be, it surely seems true.  At least I made a new friend, right?

Enter part two... I'm on okcupid, and I have been chatting it up with this girl.  We're connecting.  Our conversations are stimulating.  I'm really liking her and I'm thinking she likes me.  I have noticed her profile says straight, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.  There's a whole slew of reasons why someone might post their profile as straight while being not straight.  I assume nothing.  Well...I decided to ask just to be sure, and sure enough...she's straight.  She's just looking for friends.  That's cool...again, just disappointing.  We've actually become fast friends and are chatting a lot.  So good has come out of it, but doesn't change the fact that it was hard to hear that another person I'm attracted to isn't interested.  Twice in one week.

So yeah...straight girls...

Loneliness

A lot of things have impacted my emotional state lately.  The straight girl situation is one of them.  All in all though, my desires to find someone have pushed forward, and now I'm just starting to feel incredibly lonely.  I have great friends, but I have no one I can cuddle up next to.  I've been dealing with some highs and lows lately because of it.  I'll get through it, but it's been a bit rough lately.

OkCupid

Like I said, I'm on OkCupid now, and at first my expectations were good.  I thought with it being free, there'd be a lot more people on there.  Unfortunately, the actuality has been a bit disappointing.  I've had some responses here and there, but what's happened is the women I'm attracted to aren't responding back to me, the people I don't want to talk to are contacting me a lot, and I've also had the aforementioned straight girl situation.  So the reality is that it hasn't really improved my outlook.

I have had lots of luck in the past with Yahoo Personals.  So this morning, I signed up for a month.  I will see how that goes.  There's also the possibility of www.plentyoffish.com, which has been recommended by several people.  So we'll see.  I usually hate that phrase though.  My mother always said that to me after a breakup.  I don't get fishing analogies.

New Friends

The upside to okcupid and the straight girl scenario is that I've made a new friend or two.  I've also randomly come across some really cool people that have now become fast friends with  me.  What's that old phrase...if you can't beat em? Assimilate them? Shit...I don't think that's right.  Oh well.  Anyway, it's nice to have people to hang out with though.  It feels like I'm really settling into this area, which is cool.  I hope this trend continues.  In fact, I'm considering having a grand party with all of my friends this summer.  I think it'll be a blast.  I'll probably announce it on here when it's going to happen.  So watch for it.

Taxes

I did my taxes finally.  I thought that this year was going to suck as far as taxes are concerned.  After all the freelance, the unemployment, and the lack of business purchases to offset costs, I thought I'd be paying in the thousands.  I was pleasantly shocked to see that it was not the case.  I ended up fairing quite well after all the expenses I had.  The only big one was the laptop I bought for editing and web work.  It ended up making the biggest difference.  In the end, I made out with a net positive.  So, with that, one of my new years resolutions is on the brink of coming true.  I will be paying off all my furniture debt this coming week.  I'm looking forward to it.  One less bill a month.

Camera

In other good news, one of my long standing goals is about to come true.  I'm going to buy a shiny new camera.  I've wanted something to shoot high quality video with.  With the advent of the latest Canon cameras being able to do really nice still photos as well as full 1080p high definition video, it's a great option for me.  I've been working extra at work, which is brining in some extra money.  Along with a few other financial improvements of late, I actually am in a great position to buy this camera, and perfect timing too.  I have a wedding for a family member to shoot in a month or so, and I want a secondary camera to shoot stuff at Pridefest with.   So this will serve so many uses.  I'm going to be selling my original camera, and I've already got a buyer.  So, it's going to be awesome.  I'll be sure to post stuff on here for all to see.

Speaking in Audrey's class

I got the opportunity to speak in my favorite professor's class again recently.  If you recall in a previous post, I didn't think it went as well the last time I did this.  So I was a bit more nervous about this presentation.  I changed up the format again.  Audrey (the professor) always asks her students to look at my website and come up with questions to ask me prior to my visit.  I get access to those questions.  What I decided to do was actually structure the discussion around the questions asked.  It actually worked quite well.  This was perhaps the best presentation I've ever given.  I think the response was fantastic!  I had a lot of fun.

There were a couple of students that wrote very religious comments that I decided to just skip over.  I do not feel that I need to or should read comments that are hurtful and prejudiced, despite the perhaps good intentions they were written with.  Religious intolerance is probably the biggest issue that affects the LGBT community, and because of that, I didn't hold back as far as that part of my story is concerned.  I talked about how I do not identify as Christian anymore.  I told the story of the pastor basically kicking me out of the church and God's people turning their back on me.  I explained that I never felt that God hated me, made a mistake with me, or ever did anything other than love me.  Hopefully those words didn't fall on deaf ears.

Dentist Visit

Chris and my good friend, Chris (yes, I know that's confusing), is also our dentist.  I haven't gone in about a year or more.  It was time.  So I made an appointment and went in.  I knew something was wrong and that I most likely had a cavity.  As it happens, I had three...maybe even four.  I had no idea.  I've mentioned in the past that I have a high pain tolerance.  When I was shown which teeth had problems, I was surprised.  I felt no pain or discomfort.

So this past week, I went in to get half of them taken care of.  Apparently they only do one half of the mouth at a time.  Personally, I'd rather just get them all done at once, but I wasn't given that choice.  I doubt they had that much time open anyway.  I have to say...the dental hygienist / assistant to the dentist was quite attractive.  She's, of course, quite straight, but attractive nonetheless.  In a few weeks I get the rest taken care of.  Then I can move on to making an appointment with my eye doctor.  Hooray!

Youth Group

The youth group has been a lot of fun so far.  I feel a lot more confident now than when I was a mentor the first time.  Maybe it's because I've matured a lot since then.  I think it helps that I'm past all the transition stuff.  Anyway, I've really enjoyed working with the kids.  I think this group will soak up a lot of my energies in the future, which is good.  It doesn't feel draining in the slightest.  Maybe that says a lot about what I should be devoting my time to in life.

Question of the blog

What is your most disappointing story when it comes to finding love?