Posted on December 3rd 2008, 6:22 am
Impermanance, Suffering, and egolessness. These are the three jewels of Buddhism. At the Shambhala center tonight the topic was egolessness. It must be karmic that the topic was exact to what I needed. If I ever needed a lesson in it, it was tonight.
I find it interesting because this experience in its entirety is such a lesson in the jewels. My relationship ended, which is a reminder of the impermenance of all things. The pain it caused is due to my attachment to being in love and being with Jenn. That attachment is the cause of my suffering. That suffering wouldn't have happened if I were practicing egolessness.
I truly think visiting the Shambhala center tonight was a great idea. I have every intention of going regularly now. I will likely go this Saturday and the following Tuesday. It seems like its exactly what I am searching for. They are having a big training class this weekend, but I don't think I'm quite ready to go. I want to take the class, but I'm going to hope that they do it regularly. I would most definitely like to participate.
One of the hardest things about meditation for me is sitting. I am not flexible at all. I can't sit cross legged let alone the full lotus position. I get very uncomfortable fast. I can only take solace in knowing it will get more comfortable as time passes.
Aside from my experience at the Shambhala center, I had another experience I wanted to share. The sine wave of emotion I find to be intruiging. While at the center, I felt at ease. Many times at work today I felt at ease too. Yet there were also times today where I felt sad. It seems like this whole healing process is like that. It's all ups and downs. It starts so severe and slowly subsides. Eventually it disappears, which I guess would be when things get back to a normal feeling.
Anyway, I observed that today and felt like writing it down. I'll save the rest of my thoughts for another day.