Posted on November 29th 2008, 6:48 pm
I woke up this morning after several stress dreams. I frequently have a dream that I'm still in college and somehow I have skipped a course most of the semester. I decide to show up this particular day and I have a giant test, or some major homework is due, or even worse, its the final exam. I always panic in the dream and yell at myself for not showing up to class. Upon waking up, I actually found myself wanting to immediately get back to sleep to return to the dream because I preferred it to the reality I faced.
I also found myself missing college. I was thinking about this a lot yesterday. When I was in school, I was lonely. I never dated. I never really went out. I was too damn busy. My strategy was that if I was always busy and doing stuff, I wouldn't feel so lonely. I wouldn't worry about love and whatnot. It actually worked, and I also felt incredibly productive. Really, that's how I was as successful in school as I was. I made a huge difference in the LGBT population. I couldn't have done that if I had love then. So I find myself now wanting to make my life busy busy busy figuring that it'll help me ignore everything.
Also, last night I thought about my spirituality. I feel like I'm missing something. In college, before I got kicked out, I went to church. Then afterwards there was spiritual night. I felt so connected then. Now I feel separate. I know that it's just the perception of separateness that creates it, but right now after heartbreak, I guess I can't help it. So I decided to look up Buddhist temples in Milwaukee. Thankfully, there's one right down the street. Starting Tuesday night, I think I'm going to go. I want to make it a regular thing. I figure that if I need to learn to listen, I should start with myself.
In the meantime, I went out last night with my family to the Milwaukee Mitchell Park Domes to see the light show. I took a bunch of photos, and I posted them on my facebook account. Here are a few examples to leave this post with: