I don't know why, but I continually get myself into online relationships. They never work out the way I want them to. I always manage to find the women that either claim they "don't have a cell phone", send me pictures and such claiming they are someone else, don't talk to me on a regular basis, want nothing but online sex, etc etc etc. I'm really sick of it.

I realize that there are real people I could talk to. However, given that I'm not living in a Metropolis, that's only half true. There are real people that I could meet and talk to, but this area is not fraught with sexy feminine women who also happen to like women. Most of the women here are very masculine. Plus, there's really only one place to go if you want to meet gay people, and that's the gay bar. And since smoking is allowed here, it's pretty gross there. So...the combination of lack of places to meet people, and lack of people to meet makes it incredibly difficult to date anyone in town. So logically Ms. Computer nerd guru turns to the same place she has already gotten her back stabbed several times...the net.

Lately I've been "seeing" this girl named Jessica...no not me. I'm not seeing myself. Yes I know it's weird that we have the same name. Yes I...shut up already. Stop rubbing it in...are you done now? Are you? ok...let me continue then. So yeah, she's from out of state and isn't doing well financially because of family issues. When I say "lately" I've been seeing her, really I mean like...six months off and on. We met a long time ago. She's been interested in me since. I've just been trying to avoid online relationships entirely. However, I decided to open up to her recently and have found myself very attracted to her.

Then, once I start getting a bit more serious...suddenly she disappears from the face of the planet. Our conversations have been intermittent before, but now it's all but ceased entirely. If there's one thing I've learned about myself lately, it's been that I really need to have communication between whoever I'm interested in and myself. Otherwise, especially with online situations, I start to question things. I start wondering what she's doing in all that time, if she's seeing someone else, if she's stringing me along, if all of it's bullshit. Safe to say, I don't fully trust her. I've never been given a show of faith though. So I don't really know if I should. Considering my past situations with online love, I have every reason not to.

So yeah...here I am again in a situation where I feel like I'm getting strung along and I don't know what to do. I hate it, and I wish I could tell her how I feel. Unfortunately she's never online to have a conversation with. So...I'll just sit here wallowing in my emotions and cursing the fact that I let myself get emotionally attached again. The next time I start mentioning online relationship sort of stuff, please someone smack me in the head with a 2x4 or something.

Luv,
Jess