Posted on October 31st 2006, 5:02 am
The winds of change have worked their magic. A lot's been going on for me. I've been working a lot. Unfortunately it hasn't been a career type job. I'm still just working part time at the movie theater while I search for work. I've currently got 9 resumes out, and the 10th will probably go out tomorrow. So things are hopefully looking up.
Let's see...updates since the last entry. I finally finished my latest series. I did that about a week after I wrote the last entry. So that's done and out of my mind. I was happy with the end, but at the same time, it could have been better. Ah well...we did our best, and that's what counts.
After I finished my series, I decided to recut my demo reel, which I may have mentioned before as being required for getting a video type job. I made a cut I was satisfied with, put it online, and showed it to some friends that I very recently met. Both of them are really deep into the video / film industry. Basically they looked at my reel and told me it was crap. They gave my work a lot of criticism that really helped me see things differently. I had no idea what a real demo reel was supposed to look like until I talked to them.
So I recut it again. I'd have to say all in all I recut my reel four times. Finally I was left with something that they were both satisfied with, and I was proud of. However, I was left feeling like I knew very little about video production. My hopes for a video career were somewhat dashed, but I guess it was a good thing. I feel like I have a fresh perspective on my skills and talents. I'm applying for any job I have experience in right now. Really for me it serves as a medium for getting my hands on a video camera and making more films. So as long as I get a job I don't hate, I'll be ok.
Relationship news... a lot has changed. As of about a week ago, the long distance relationship ended. I'm actually quite happy about it. In my last entry I posted the communication got better. Well...that didn't last long. After a couple weeks, she reverted back to saying "Hi, love you, gotta go" and that was it. Eventually I got sick of it and essentially told her to get a phone and call me. That was a catalyst to a huge fight, which ended in the breakup. She was demanding I do ourtrageous things to get her back. I took a step back and looked at our relationship, and my eyes really opened. For the first time I saw her for the controlling, obsessive, unstable, and abusive girl she was. After that, all attraction I had for her disappeared. I was happy to see the relationship end. I hope she'll be ok. It sounded like she had a lot of issues to work out.
In the meantime, I had a girl send me a message on Yahoo Personals. I was shocked, because I had looked through the profiles on that site about a week earlier and thought that she was cute. But I didn't think she'd be interested in me. So I didn't say anything, and then a week later I get a message from her. It was a really sweet message basically saying that she was smitten and paid for an account just to message me. I was totally flattered, and of course had to write back. And that's the beginning. :)
We called each other, then we set up a first date in a coffee shop. We ended up closing the shop because we were there so long talking. Needless to say it went well. I was a little concerned on how she would take me being trans, but it really was a non-issue. I told her within the first five minutes. Anyway, since that date, we've gone out several more times. She even met my parents this past weekend. They really like her too.
So yeah, things have been going well. The relationship is progressing at a pace that she and I seem to both be comfortable with. The distance between us (about an hour drive) is actually proving to be helpful right now. We can't rush things, which is nice. I will definitely keep you all posted on what happens. Oh and by the way, she's a great kisser. *wink*
Other than that, it's mainly just been me working at the movie theater a lot, and me sending out resumes a lot. I still have to finish my research, which is so close to being done. I've been reading a lot lately. I read this book called "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn, which is a really interesting perspective on our society as well as some religious concepts. I'm reading a book on spiritual healing called "Essential Reiki" by Dianne Stein, which is really enlightening. I'm also reading a book by the Dalai Lama called "Stages of Meditation". Essentially I've been on my own spiritual journey lately. After seeing the documentary "What the bleep do we know", I've been on this quest. It's been very spiritually fulfilling, and that's great since I haven't felt in the right spiritual mind for a while.
I'm seeking something internally, and I think I'm finding it now, which is such a great feeling. After having my Christian faith ripped from me due to religious intolerance of difference years ago, I've felt rather lost. I think that was sadly necessary because it allowed me to see my own faults and my former faith from a new perspective. I saw the blindness, and the closed spirit I once had. It allowed me to grow, which I'm grateful for. We don't always get to see the faults of who we were and of the religion we followed. So it was really a blessing.
I'm finding that I'm now more of an amalgamation of things. I've retained some Christian concepts, but I view them differently now. I'm more of a buddhist than anything really. I guess perhaps the best way to describe me is spiritual. It's not about religion anymore for me. It's about finding the right path and the truths that are universal.
Anyway, enough about that. I've been doing a lot of me things, because I've needed to. I set a lot of stuff aside to figure some things out, and it's been great. I've finally started to feel like I can be productive again. I'll admit I set aside the TransLife updates because I needed it. I'm only now starting to look at what I can do for the site, which is daunting. We'll see if I can come up with something. The software out there isn't looking promising. I may have to either design something myself or pay for something....neither of which I have time for right now. Hopefully after I get a job things will change in that area.
I'm rambling, so I think I'm going to go. Thanks for tuning into Jessica's monthly update!! Tune in next time for another exciting episode. Hehe. See you all later. :)