So tonight I find myself kinda in a ho hum mood. I’ve avoided this ho hum mood for the past few days because I've had my head stuck in HTML, CSS, and PHP code. As you can see, I've been revamping the website to be more...cool I guess. When not doing that I've either been at work or watching Sailor Moon SuperS...cause I'm a dork like that. Right now most of my friends are gone. So it's been pretty lonely.

I can't help but think about Sabrina though. She's going through a lot right now, and I want to be there for her. Unfortunately I can't due to distance issues and lack of funding to get there. I miss her a lot because she's been spending a lot of time with her dad. I send her messages here and there to tell her I care about her and that I'm thinking of her and her family. It's really all I can do to help.


Yet, find myself feeling incredibly insecure because I haven't heard much of the ""I care about you""s back. Now…considering my past with dating, it's not too surprising that I'd feel that way. I generally get hurt. So...not getting that emotional reenforcement would cause insecurity. HOWEVER, I also feel incredibly selfish for feeling that way. I mean, her father is struggling with lung cancer. She has every right and need to spend time with him. So...my selfish feelings have me also feeling guilty. I'm an ass for feeling this way...So, it's no surprise I have this ho hum mood. As she pointed out to me the other night...relationships are hard.

I care about her a lot and I want her to spend time with her father. So, I will just have to deal I guess. In the meantime...I guess more code and more Sailor Moon might help...I hope. Wish me luck.


Luv,

Jess