Posted on July 28th 2004, 11:43 pm
I'm definitely getting nervous. It's 6 days away and I can feel it pretty strong. I may start having trouble sleeping, we'll see. All I have to remember is that I'll be sleeping a lot in the next couple weeks. That should be enough to get me through my day. At least, I hope it will be. I'm not scared. I know I'll live and that there wont be any problems. I've just never had major surgery before, and it's making me a little jittery. Maybe I should take a nap...if I can. I am tired. I was up a little late last night.
Speaking of last night, I talked to Jill. We had a big talk actually. I was honest with her and told her how I feel. She was awesome and was honest with me too. She's still having reservations, but not because of me. She's over the issues of me being trans. She really lifted a weight off of me there. I have been paranoid about that forever now. She's actually more worried about hurting people and hurting me again. I'm not going to go into detail or anything. I respect her privacy, but now I understand what's going through her head.
It made me think back to the few days before Jill and I met. We already know both her and I are dorks for meeting on hotornot.com. I got the double match notification early in the week. I debated for a few days about whether I wanted to even e-mail her. All I could think about was what happened with the last girl I met online. I got really hurt then. I wasn't sure I wanted to put myself through the possibility of the same thing again. Eventually I realized that getting hurt is a part of relationships and love. If I don't risk getting hurt, I'll never meet anyone. So I went for it and e-mailed her. I knew what I was getting into. That's one reason why I forgave her right away.
So, after that conversation, I felt really good about things. I don't know what will happen with Jill, but I do know that she'll be at least a good friend. I don't think she'll up and run off again. She's changed a little now. My trust level went up too. So I'm happy. I hope she works through some of the issues she's having so we can have a good friendship at least. I'll be there for her if she needs to talk. Anyway, I'm starving and it's dinner time. See ya later.