Posted on July 27th 2004, 10:49 pm
We're talking regularly again. It's almost as if nothing happened and we've been talking the whole time....almost. I definitely am still attracted to her. I'm being very cautious now though. I guess I just don't want to get hurt again. I've been trying to keep my distance, but not really. Like, I really want to talk with her and still get to know her still, but I also don't want to let myself get so attached like I was. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm really trying to think of her as a friend for right now even though a big part of me wants to think of her as more than that. As I've said many times before, I hate having crushes.
I haven't asked her how she feels, but I'm not sure I really need to or want to. I haven't decided yet. I may just let things go as they have been. I still am not sure how comfortable she is with me. But anyway, aside from all that questioning and caution, I'm really enjoying talking to her again. I'm happy she's still in my life. :)
I was invited over to a friend's house for dinner last night.It was the person who runs the queer group for the local high school. Her name is Beth. She's married and has a little girl Lucy, who's almost a year old. Lucy is just enthralled with me. She just stares at me with big wide eyes. When I smile at her, she gets a huge smile on her face. She was coming over by me all night on her own. It was a little awkward for me, but it was so cute. She's adorable. They have two kitties as well. One of them is very friendly. Beth said she's never seen the kitty so comfortable with anyone. I think it's my nails she likes. The other kitty tends to be shy, but she seems to be more comfortable with me too. She let me touch her, and she also sat in the same room as the rest of us. Normally that doesn't happen. I apparently have a comforting presense in that house. Needless to say I had a good time. It was a nice, relaxing evening with friends.
I looked at my finances for the week and discovered that I wasn't going to have any money to pay for the party this weekend. One of my friends found out and donated money to me. To the person who donated, I know you read this and thank you. It really helps. I hate being broke. I know it's a part of college, but it still sucks having to ask for help all the time.
Tonight's another meeting for the youth group I'm volunteering for. It should be fun. I've enjoyed it so far. This is my last week with them until after surgery. I can't believe the surgery is so close. Honestly I haven't been thinking about it as much lately because I keep thinking about the surprise of Jill reappearing. I think that's a good thing. If I focused on the surgery I'd probably be so nervous that I'd be throwing up. Just more proof that everything happens for a reason. I still can't believe I have less than a week to go before my dream comes true. It's just amazing. Anyway, I should probably go get ready for the group tonight. Bye everyone.