Chris invited me over to watch the recent Universal Studios version of Peter Pan. It was wonderfully done. It's a very beautiful film and a lot of fun to watch. Afterwards, he got ready for a psuedo date while I rid his computer of adware. His pseudo date arrived, and I left.

As I walked home through the park across the street, my mood turned somber. I've been waiting for a phone call, or an e-mail, or an IM from her for a while now. With each passing day I lose more hope that it'll happen. Chris had been aware of my frustration and disappointment while I was at his house. While I was walking, these thoughts were passing through my head.

It's Saturday....yet another night spend alone. I have had countless fridays and saturdays spent simply by myself in my apartment. Most of my friends are caught up in relationships or with their closer friends. I can't go to bars really since I don't drink and can't be around smoke. I don't have any money to rent a movie either. So I sit, dreaming of the love I will never have.

While I walked, I imagined there was someone walking beside me....with me. I imagined looking up at her and meeting her eyes where we would share a quiet moment together. When that image faded...I walked passed a bench which faced the river. I saw the two of us sitting together, my head on her shoulder. These thoughts continued to purvade my mind even as I walked up the stairs to my apartment. As I opened the door, it was empty as usual. I am beginning to lose hope that I will ever meet someone I can share moments like that with.

Perhaps it is not meant to be. As I said earlier today, I believe things happen for a reason. I also believe each of us has a purpose. Maybe my purpose suggestes I should be alone...or have to be alone. Who knows? I just want love. I wish it didn't have to be just a dream.

Luv,

Jess