I feel so much better. In fact, the moment yesterday morning in which I submitted that long post, I felt better. I had so much bouncing around in my head that just needed to get out, and not just out...clearly understood. So, it felt good to write all that. I can't say that I'm completely recovered from that, but I'll be ok now.

People I guess just don't understand how much that group means to me. I'm a very emotional person, if you haven't noticed yet, and I took a lot of pride in the way things were going considering the status of the executive staff. It felt kind of like when my mother told me I'm a money hole. She's family, and she was telling me I was a burden to the rest of them. She also said I had no intention of paying the money back. I just took the money and ran. She was so off on that assumption, and at least the next day I knew she didn't mean it.

Having the organization reject me in that way (and people, don't go off commenting saying that I wasn't rejected, because that's how I felt) felt the same as when my mother said that. Only, this was coming from more people than just one, and we're all so close in the group, I consider us a family of sorts. It felt to me like no one saw how much effort and time I put into it. No one cared that I did anything over the course of the semester. I now know somewhat how parents feel when their kids reject all the gifts and love they've given.

Anyway, I'm healing and I'm sure it's for the best at this point. My friends are right, I do push myself too hard. I'll use the time next semester to de-stress and recover from SRS. We'll see how things go in the next elections. Who knows...maybe I wont even want to be exec staff then. And besides, I still have the student senate LGBT-chair position. So it's not like I wont be doing anything.

Another friend of mine suggested that this group isn't really a step forward for me all that much. It's a great support group and all, but it's really more of a step sideways than forward. He suggests that I was meant to learn something from the experiences, but ultimately my purpose is for greater things than a college organization. Who knows...maybe he's right. I believe things happen for a reason. So maybe I'll just have to wait and see what that reason is. With that slightly profound statement, I will leave to do a very mundane task...the dishes. Bye everyone and have a great day.

Luv,

Jess