Posted on August 15th 2003, 4:50 am
Today was the funeral. It went well. It was an odd feeling for me. I wasn't emotional. Everyone else was, but not me. I wanted to be, and actually, I felt bad for not being emotional. But really, I think it's because I said goodbye to her a year ago. I had let go, so it wasn't so hard for me. It was obviously hard on everyone else, especially my mom. She'll be upset for a while now, but that's to be expected.
The wake was last night. It also was really nice. Lots and lots of people came. In fact, So many came even today for the funeral that the procession was something like 30 cars long. I'm sure we were pissing people off who had to be places. It was a good thing for me though. Again, it sounds horrible for me to say that, but it's true. There were a lot of family members there that gave me such encouragement and support. I feel so much better about myself now than I did a week ago.
I wore a skirt both days, and strangely enough, I wasn't nervous about it. In fact, I didn't even think about the fact that practically all of the people there had never seen me as a girl before until most of it was over. I got lots of compliments too. I had to smack my dad once though. He'll never understand the whole pronouns in public thing.
What happened these past two days really honored my grandma. She had so many wonderful friends and family. I can see it in their treatment of all of us. Even my pentecostal relatives were great. I've learned that they are making an effort to try to understand me and my difficulties. I got long intimate hugs from that part of the family. I will miss my grandma, but in a way I don't have to. Her family and friends are still there to remind me of what kind of person she was. I'm just so happy she's not in pain anymore.
In other news, my lease finally arrived. I have a place to live for school, which is good considering move in is only a week and a half away. They have installed an air conditioner in my apartment now too, which means I'll be comfortable no matter what now. That's great. I got paid today, which means I can afford all my supplies and rent. Oh, and my video card finally came. It's working great so far, though, it's just showing that the whole backbone of my computer needs to be replaced as well. We'll see if I go that far. I might just be that stupid. To prevent any more stupidity though, I should get some sleep. Good night everyone.