Posted on November 28th 2003, 6:04 am
I figured I'd make an entry since Lauren has been trying so hard to write me off my own page. This past week has been keeping me on my toes I guess. I had a bad day on Tuesday. Did bad on two tests, one of which I literally never had time to study for. The other isn't really a test you can study for. So I was screwed both ways. Since it's the holidays, everyone was checking out a laptop at work for the long weekend. Usually I can study at work, but not this time. Ug. Not fun.
Tuesday night was nominations for the LGBT officers. I was nominated right away for President. Then I was also nominated for VP. So in the event I don't get President, I'll get VP. I know I really have no choice in the matter of being on the exec staff. Everyone seems to want me there. I don't even know if I want to be there. I've never held office and I'm nominated for President. I think I'd feel a bit like Arnold, only I didn't really choose to run.
This past weekend was the Women's Leadership Conference. I had my workshop first thing Saturday morning. It went really well. I was able to compress the information into just under 50 minutes. That's impressive considering I usually go at least 40 minutes longer. All day long I had random people complimenting me on it though. At noon, someone told me that it was still her favorite of the whole event thus far. That was cool. I had printed 50 business cards before leaving, and came back with about 7. Oh, and there was interest in buying stuff from my former store too. Seems a lot of people want the "T-Friend" shirt. Now's when I get the "demand" part of the supply and demand thing. I should have waited.
The whole event was fun. For the first time I felt accepted and part of the group. I felt accepted as a woman. That was a great feeling. It was a mentally exhausting day though. Nonstop learning. There were workshops from 10 am to 9 pm. There were a couple breaks in there for food, but aside from that it was go go go. I had to take a break at one point just to relax. I needed it. I even ran into an old friend from High School. That was cool.
The bad part was that night. I was so tired and just wanted to sleep. The rest of the girls in my room wanted to go see the singer that they had that night. So, I caught a ride back to the hotel on my own. Well, when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key to the room. I went to the front desk, but one girl had signed for all the rooms. So, my name wasn't on the list and I couldn't get a key. So I went back and sat there. While sitting there, I realized that of all the women that were at the seminar, I was the only MTF transgirl. Not that this is uncommon for me or anything, but still, it was upsetting. Just a reminder of my loneliness. I cried right there in the hallway.
After a few minutes I decided to get up and go to the bathroom because I really didn't want to be found. I cried in the bathroom for a while until I could regain control of my emotions again. I then returned to waiting in the hall until finally someone showed up. Once I got into the room, I just wanted to go to sleep. The rest of the girls were planning on drinking and meeting some boys. So, while lying there in the dark room, alone again...I came to another realization. I don't fit in with these girls. It wasn't just a spur of the moment thing though. It was based on the whole weekend. It was amazing how much of a 180 degree turn it was since earlier that day. So, I cried more...this time harder. Eventually I fell asleep.
Yeah, so overall the weekend was good....just had a couple down spots. I just hope the next time I do a conference like that, it's after SRS. At least I wont be so self-conscious about hiding that bulge. Also, electrolysis will be done, so I wont have to worry about swimming either. God I can't wait. Hopefully then, no more transitional worries. Well...time to end this long post. Good night everybody and Happy Thanksgiving.