The worst has happened. The results came back from the ultrasound. I test positive for polycystic kidney disease. As the name implies, I have many cysts throughout my kidneys. The biggest one according to the doctor is about a centimeter in diameter. I found out a week ago. I got a call in the morning. When I heard the doctor I knew right away why she was calling. She told me she'd only call if I tested positive. I cried.

My sister saw me crying and asked me what my problem was. I told her why and she said very coldly "What were you expecting? We probably all have it." I said "I probably can't take hormones now." She then stayed quiet. My sister is not the most compassionate person right now. She's very much into herself. Hopefully once her senior year of high school is over, she'll grow past this phase.

To make up for it, I went shopping. At the beginning of winter break my mom and I bagged up all my old male clothing to be given to good will. So, I needed a lot of clothes. I went with my best girlfriend. She took me to all of her favorite stores. We had a blast. I found some great stuff. She gave me this card too. It was a thank you card. She was thanking me for being there for her when she was having relationship troubles. It was so touching. She's such a wonderful person.

Last Friday night was one of my best friend's parties. It wasn't your normal "Dance and get drunk" party. It was a geek party also known as a LAN. I admit it. I'm a geek. The party was a lot of fun. I made sure to dress well to the party too. I wore my new pants and shoes. I really wigged out a couple people there too. That was fun. The party went all night, but I crashed at about 4:30 am. My shopping friend was there too. We all had a great time.

On Monday, I went out and visited some other friends. While we were waiting for one of them to get off of work, we went shopping yet again. With all the sales going on, I found some really great deals. It was great. Shopping is always fun. The only sucky part is finding cute clothes that are too low cut. I don't have a chest yet, so I don't wear anything that would show it off. I can't wait until next year at this time. I'll buy everything. Anyway, once the other friend got off of work, we hung out for the rest of the night. I taught them how to play Uno with cut-throat rules. It was fun.

Then, on Wednesday I hung out with yet another of my best friends. Guess what we did....we went shopping. This time, I hadn't planned on it. It worked out good though. We had fun. After shopping we came back to my house. One of our best friends died a few years ago in a car accident. Monday, January 6th would have been his 22nd birthday. We had a toast to him to remember him. I miss him. No one should die that young.

Thursday I made an appointment with a nephrologist (kidney specialist). My endocrinologist told me to go see one. I still have hope for hormones. I have to talk to this new doctor about my options. I am really thinking that if I were to use the patch form of estrogen, I'd be fine. I'm going to find out in a week. Even if it does harm me, my mom told me some really wise words the other night. I have to weigh quality of life versus quantity of life. Hormones may shorten my life, but if I'm happier in those years, it could very much be worth it.

Well, tomorrow is Friday and also the day my whole family goes to see my therapist. It's a five hour drive from my parents house to the clinic. I hope we don't fight the whole way. I found out that my Uncle is going to come with too and even possibly my sister's boyfriend of I don't know how many years. It should be a good thing. Wish me luck.