Posted on October 5th 2002, 5:25 am
I got most of Transgender 101 up and running tonight. I spent a few hours working on it. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out. I hope the information there can make a huge difference. Today was actually a pretty short day. At least it seemed that way. I skipped my first class to get more sleep. Then I went to my second. I got two exams back, and did great on both of them. I'm doing pretty well this semester in my classes. That's a good thing I guess.
On the topic of gender though. My therapist asked me to analyze my attractions to women. It seems that in a lot of transsexuals, they are attracted to being a woman more so than the woman herself. I'm no exception, but it can get confusing at times since I am also sexually attracted to women. So, I've been doing my best at observing it. So far I've noticed that there are times when I am definitely attracted to the woman, times when I am attracted to being a woman, and there are also times where I am both. It's when I am both that it gets confusing, because the two emotions seem to be similar. I also noticed that if I initially look at the girl's face, I am sexually attracted. But, if I look down at her body, I become jealous. I'm going to keep observing that to see if I can observe any other things about it.
There is a girl in one of my classes that does this very thing to me. I am so attracted to her and jealous of her. It sucks, because I can't really make any moves on her. I am about to start hormones. I don't want to have to put a girl through that. I suppose it's her choice, but if she's attracted to me, it's probably the male me she's attracted to. I just try to ignore my attractions for both my and her sake. I'm probably better off anyway. Well, I think I need to get some sleep. I'm writing this at about 1:30 in the morning. I'll write about how things go with my parents next time. Bye.